G.H quotes from King of the Hill

Hank

It's um- what you're doing all the time, uh, it's natural but it's setting up unrealistic expectations. Most repairmen won't accept payment in anything other than cash, or-

It's not porn! I'm looking into personal development opportunities.

Hank

Okay, well, let's see then.

Hey man, if you're watching this, you're probably feeling purposeless and weak, like you're wading in a pit of crap. That's because you've lost track of the four F-bombs. Family. Faith. Finances. And fitness. Don't worry. We've all been there. Over the course of one week, I can give you the tools the build up your F-bombs, but only those committed and relentless can crawl outta that crappy pit. ManMade.

Hank

This looks like some good old-fashioned character building.

Eli's the GOAT. He has a two-day "Boot Camp-inar" coming to Arlen tomorrow. I was gonna go with my settlement money, but boys under 18 can't go without an adult male mantor.

Hank

I'll tell you what, G.H., I'll be your... man-tor, although I don't see how that's better than mentor, but I'll also even pay for it, as long as you complete all the F-bombs.

Sick!

Hank

Not the best start...

Excuse me, a light breeze blew off my ascot. Did any of you see it?

[hostile] No. This is a gathering for men. [shoves Mike to the cheers of the others]

Sick!

[as Mike begins to walk away and Eli catches him] But wait... we must help our weak, pathetic, emasculated brother, because that's what men do! Do you know the four F-bombs?

Family, faith, fitness... Damn! What's the last one? [reaches in his pocket and pulls out a handful of cash, holding it to his ear like a phone] Hello? Oh yeah! [rips his overshirt off, revealing a toned body] Finances!

Whoa!

Hank

That's clever, see? Because money talks.

Hank

Come on, G.H., we can finish this!

No! I can't! I'm just another weak loser, destined for cuck-titude!

Hank

Those words... whatever they mean, have never described a Hill!

[holding two plastic balls on a string] These are the Nads of Truth. While your brother is holding these balls, the rest of us will listen to what he has to say, and support him. Feel free to share any and all obstacles that you feel are holding you back as a man.

[given the balls] I'm too short!

And who tells you you're too short?

Every woman on Bumble!

[given the balls] I don't make enough money!

And who says you don't make enough money?

My ex-wife.

Hmmm... another female.

[given the balls] Nobody gets my jokes!

And who doesn't get your jokes?

Everyone!

And who is slightly more than half of everyone???

Females!

Hank

Fellas, I don't think all women-

Ah ah ah! G.H. has the nads. Go ahead, brother.

Brothers, I've been struggling a lot recently, mostly because this girl I really like put me in the friend-zone before I got a chance to ask her out.

That's bullshit! UGH!

Hank

Now, hold on-

Hiiighwaaay tooo theee friend-zone! [beat] See?! Nobody ever gets my jokes!

Hank

Now, G.H., I tell you h'what-

NADS.

Hank

[takes the balls] Just because a girl wants to be your friend doesn't mean she's a bad person.

Nads. [given the balls] But do friends stay up late laughing on the phone together? Or talk about problems we have with our parents?

Hank

[takes the balls] That sounds like a pretty good friend, I-

[takes the balls] She was leading me on! Eli's right! Females are the problem!

Hank

If she just wants to be your friend, that's her choice, and you need to respect her decision.

Hank

What's the problem with respecting her decision? That's the foundation for a good relationship!

Yeah, if you're a spineless, dickless jellyfish.

Actually, I think jellyfish-

Remember we talked about which animals have dicks!

Hank

I think all of you need a lesson on chivalry.

You're a beta!

Jellyfish!

Hank

[takes the balls] Alright, nad talk over. Don't listen to them, G.H.

Why would I listen to you?

Hank

Because I'm almost certain that I'm the only one here who still has a wife.