Bill Dauterive quotes from King of the Hill

Hank

So uh, how's Nancy liking her... truck?

Dale

She likes it fine. John Redcorn installed a charger at his place. Fine by me. Let his electricity bill go up. I win again! Wingo!

Hank

[his phone buzzes] Huh. Looks like Bobby and Connie are official.

Bill

Awww.

Boomhauer

Talkin' 'bout doin' dang ol' hard launch, man.

Hank

Wonder why they took so long to tell us.

NOOO! ANYONE BUT HIM!!!

DAMN YOU, BOBBY HILL!!!

Dad's stuff is all gone from the garage. Did he move back in?

[from across the street] No, I did not. I left, with my dignity intact!

I kicked you out! You were crying so loud, I could hear it through the garage!

[begins to approach] I was reading a sad book, called "our wedding album."

Hey, we agreed! You stay on that side of the street!

I don't understand. Dad, where do you live now?

Bill

With me! [Kahn sighs] Yeah, we're just two single guys having a grand old time! No wives, just vibes! All are welcome... except wives.

Ha! Hank Hill is holding an umbrella for a dog! Your life is falling apart!

Hank

Aren't you living with Bill?

No! Bill is living with me! ... at Bill's house.

Bill

Kahn, you sound troubled. Tough day?

Yes! I'm upset because Minh basically gets Connie the whole weekend! Stupid schedule.

Bill

[hugging Kahn] Shh-shh-shh. There, there, deep breaths, Kahn. [they breathe deep together] Don't let Minh push your buttons. That's what she wants.

I know...

Bill

Now, how about we go home, I make us some dinner, maybe draw a bath...?

With extra bubbles?

Bill

Let's start with the normal amount of bubbles and then we'll go from there.

Bobby Hill, put a shirt on, and step away from my precious daughter!

Bobby

Okay, but let's all remember who's the real bad guy here. The dog.

Hank

The dog wasn't the one engaging in amorous congress under my roof.

Peggy

It can't, because it has an inverted penis.

What's all the fuss?

Hank

Oh good. More people.

I caught your daughter participating in fatherless behavior with Bobby Hill!

Bobby Hill, did you de-flower my daughter?!

Bobby

No sir. We didn't even get to doing anything, we were just... warming each other up.

Hank

Stop!

Peggy

That's enough!

Ew!

Shut up! Shut up!

Bobby

Okay, I can see that tendons are a little high right now, do how about we all just get some sleep and talk about this over dinner tomorrow, which I'm paying for?

Bobby, we are not having dinner with you. Come on, Connie, let's go back home.

No! All you've done since I've been home is complain about dad and insult Bobby. I don't wanna be around that.

... Hey, Connie, why don't you sleep over at my place, just for tonight?

Ha! You mean Bill's place?

We can hang out and celebrate your birthday. Things are very mellow over there. Super chill.

And Bobby can come too?

[obviously uncomfortable] Of course! Because I support your relationship.

Bill

[hugging Kahn from behind] Yaaaay! The more, the merrier! Hank and Peggy can come too, if you'd like!

Peggy

Do not threaten us, Bill.

Bobby

I'm gonna go with Connie.

Hank

That's fine. Why don't you take those sheets with you?