(walks to Kevin and asks) Dude, what's all this stuff?
Ghost-tracking equipment so I can finally prove to you guys that we have a ghost.
NickGhosts? Please tell me you kept the receipts.
Nick, I'm trying to tell you we have a ghost. (holds the book) It's all right here in this book. (gives the book to Joe)
(reads the title) "Ghosts, ghouls, and cleanest hot-dog stands of New Jersey." (flips the pages)
It's kept track of every paranormal event plus all the greatest schnitzel in the Garden State.
Nick
(tells Kevin) Seriously, the receipts-- (snaps his fingers) hand 'em over.
(takes the book back from Joe) According to this, our firehouse is haunted by the ghost of William Smith, a volunteer fireman... (buzzing) (he takes the electromagnetic meter away from Joe) who died unexpectedly at the age of 103.
Nick
Kevin, ghosts don't exist. Joe, please talk some sense into him. (Joe puts on goggles and wears them)
Dude, you look sick in night vision. Kevin, where'd you get these. I'm never taking them off.
Actually, at the ghost outlet. Check out the ghost cam. If there's a ghost in this room, this camera will detect it.
Nick
Dude, that's just a regular video camera.
No way! It cost three times what a regular video camera costs plus it has a ghost sticker.
I can see your underwear.
Nick
Those aren't x-ray goggles. (tells Joe)
No, your pants are riding a little low, my brother. (Nick pulls his jeans up)
Volunteer fireman William Smith, you can haunt but you can't hide. (Joe stops wearing the goggles) Look! (goes around the room then sees the glass of juice)
Five minutes ago my glass of juice was full. Who drank it? (Nick walks to the kitchen counter) A thirsty ghost perhaps?
Nick
Dude, this is my juice. (picks up his juice) That's yours over there. (points to Kevin's juice near the stove)
Oh. (Tom and Frankie walk downstairs)
Nick
Dad, would you please tell Kevin that this firehouse isn't haunted?
What? What happened? Did you see the ghost?
Nick
What do you mean, the ghost?
Uh, Frankie, why don't you go online and get us our movie tickets?
(sits while telling Kevin, Joe and Nick) Okay, look, when we bought this firehouse, there was this legend of some ghost that haunted the place.
Nick
Dad, why haven't you ever tell us?
Well, there's-- there's no such thing as ghosts, right? Plus I was afraid he would condemn our souls for eternity if I told on him.
Dad, it okay to be frightened. Look at me. I'm scared speechless. But I'm still gonna prove that this place is haunted with the help of the mighty ghost cam.
Isn't that just a regular video camera?
Nick
Apparently it's got some type of ghost sticker on it.
Please tell me you kept the receipts.
Nick
He didn't.
The guy in the van said I didn't need one.
Ghost tracker Kevin here, reporting on the dead from inside my bed. Ghost cam shows no signs of ghosts thus making my bed a ghost-free safe zone. Let's keep looking. We'll do a detailed analysis of Nick's desk and check for ghost droppings. (walks to Nick's desk)
Nick
(working at his desk) Get out of my face, please. (tells Kevin)
All clear. (leaves Nick's desk) There must be a ghost here. (walks to Joe while he lift weights) There's no way Joe could lift all that weight by himself.
Very funny. (knock at door)
The ghost must be downstairs knocking at the door.
What kind of lame ghost would knock? (still lifting weights)
Maybe he was raised right... when he was alive.
(has a bowl of chili while sitting Kevin's chair) Welcome back, boils and ghouls. We hope our little story didn't put you into intensive "scare"! Mwoh ho ho ho ho ho! (Kevin walks to Joe)
(tells Joe) Dude, that's my thing.
You don't even do the scary laugh right.
Yeah, I do. Mwoh ho ho ho ho ho!
No, it's like this: whoa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
No, Kevin, it's not. (puts the bowl of chili on the table) It's mwoh ho ho ho ho ho!
No-- whoa ha ha ha ha ha ha!
JKJoe and Kevin
(continue laughing)
Nick
(loud maniacal laughter)
JKJoe and Kevin
scream) (run away)
Nick
(enters and sits on the chair while holding the bullhorn) Those guys are so easy. We know there's no such thing as ghosts. Good night and be safe. (winks) (leaves)
MMan
(loud maniacal laughter) Oh, chili. (slurping)
No, this book has all the-- (beeping) (Joe reaches for electromagnetic field meter and puts it on his neck) Oh, I'm sorry. (buzzing) All the--if everything ever-- I can't concentrate. Oh, my gosh.
(biting his fingernails) Oh no! (takes his hand out of his mouth) I think I wet myself. (crew laughing) (laughs) I just did that reading wrong. Here's one: "what's a mummy's favorite type of music"? "Wrap!" (laughs) Ahh, I know. Oh, thank you for my tea... Frankie-stein! (laughs) He's good. or should I say bad? I'm just getting worse and worse, aren't I? (crew laughing) (laughs)
MMan
Action. (Kevin is reading the book while a hand massages him and he sees it) (crew laughing) All right, that's good. (Kevin removes the hand from his shoulder)
(closes his locker) Do you want me to start to leave so you can call me back and then me what's really going on?
(sighs) In five minutes I have a calculus test.
Yeah, but in 55 minutes we have shop class. There's a rumor going around that Mr. Stone's gonna tell us that how he really lost that finger.
(laughs) Good try, but... I don't think anything's shake these five-minutes-to-calculus-test-blues. (blues harmonica playing)
Nick
Stop. I think I have something that might change your tune which is technically more honky-tonk than blues. My blues-chew cookie-- best batch I've ever made. (holds the paper bag then gives it to Kevin) Brought one for lunch. It's yours.
(about to take the cookie from the bag) Thanks, Nick, I don't think a cookie's gonna help any. (bites the cookie) (moans) Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Mm.
Nick
Told you.
Suddenly, I feel like I'm floating on a cookie dough cloud with my best friends the chocolate chipmunks. (gasps) I can see their tree from here. Hi! (coos) (leaves Joe and Nick)
Wow. So, Nick, you got a cookie for me?
Nick
Sorry, bro, I only brought that one. Plus Kevin looked like he could really use some cheering up.
Yeah, I could use some cheering up too.
Nick
Got a test coming up?
Nick
Girl break up with you?
Nick
Sorry, you're out of luck. (walks away)
Well, I'm not 100% thrilled with the way my hair came out today! (a female student walks by) Just kidding, you know, just wanted a cookie. My hair is perfect.
Nick
(realizes that the cookies aren't on the tray) Where are all my blue-chews?
(enters the dining room) Oh hey, Nick. You making me some more of your delicious cookies?
Nick
There were a dozen in this tray, (puts the oven mitt on the counter) but somebody, Kevin, ate them all.
And you automatically blame me. How dare you, sir? On what grounds?
Nick
Let's start with your blue lip gloss. (Kevin touches his blue lips)
Oh. Um-- (takes the oven mitt from the counter) well, how about we talk about it while you bake some more cookies? (wipes his mouth with the oven mitt)
Nick
I'm not making you any more cookies. You obviously have no self-control. (walks to the chair to take his bag)
You have got to be kidding.
Nick
Do I look like I'm kidding. (puts his bag on his shoulder)
Nick, you never look like you're kidding.
Nick
I don't look like I'm leaving either, but watch this. (walks away)
(happily slides down his pole) (scatting)
You look happy. (Joe continues scatting) Did Nick give you his cookies?
Yeah, but I gave 'em to Frankie.
You gave 'em to Frankie?! (runs to Joe) Who gives an eight-year-old cookies?
You're breathing on me again.
Did you see what Stella did to Van Dyke yesterday? It was so good, dude. I hope he has an ice pack 'cause he got burned.
Well, I hope you're grateful.
She totally turned down Van Dyke because of you.
She doesn't want you to feel bad.
Joe, come over here and let your big brother give you some big brotherly advice. (Joe rolls his eyes then walks to Kevin) Embrace it. Love it. Yeah. Everybody knows you and Stella have a crush on each other, except... for you and Stella.
You mean like outside? (bell rings)
No no no no no. Me and Stella cannot date. I mean, it could ruin our band, the friendship. Stella knows that.
(goes to the kitchen and puts the crumbs from the tray into his mouth) I don't know. Van Dyke invited her to El Meat. She would never turned down the tasty goodness if it wasn't for you.
You're right. The best thing is to tell Stella how I feel right now.
So, Joe, did you profit from talking to your older and wiser brother?
Good. So did you actually see Frankie eat the cookie or do you think he might still have it? (Joe leaves) (chuckles) (rock music playing)
Hey, Stella, can we talk about you and me?
You and me, Joe? Um... sure what's up?
You should go out with Van Dyke.
How is that about you and me?
If you want to go out with Van Dyke, don't let me stop you.
Nick
Stop talking.
Oh. Okay. First-- wow. Second-- huh? And third-- huh? Again.
I mean, don't say no to Van Dyke because of me.
Nick
Stop talking.
I'm not saying no to Van Dyke because of you. And why are you suddenly all up in my personal life?
Hey, whatever you want to do in your personal is fine with me.
Nick
(clears throat) Stop talking!
You have my blessing to go out with whoever you want.
Nick
Oh, for the love of all that is Mike, stop talking.
(walks to the table) Oh! Hey, Stells! Since you're not free on Saturday-- (his backpack drops on Nick's head) (Nick pushes Van Dyke's backpack away)
Actually, um-- I-- I am free on Saturday. (giggles) And if you're still free...
Touchdown. How about I pick you up at 7?
Cool. I'll walk you to the planetarium.
This school doesn't have a planetarium, but okay.
So what's your favorite color? (leaves with Stella)
Why didn't you stop me from talking? (asks Nick)
Nick
How's that? (stands up while he takes his folders and puts a sticky note with a frown on Joe's mouth) (Nick leaves)
Nick
Kevin! In the kitchen!
(enters) Hey, Nick. What's up?
Nick
Here. Cookies. Eat.. (puts the fifth tray of cookies on the counter for Kevin to enjoy)
Wow, what a strange turn of events. I thought you weren't making me anymore cookies.
Nick
I know, right? But I woke up this morning with this urgent need and I've been baking you cookies all day. It's like I had this little voice in my head saying "cookies-- lots of them-- for me." I mean you. (chuckles)
Right. So you're saying all these are for me?
Nick
Oh and these. (takes a gift basket of cookies from the cabinet) Don't eat 'em all at once. (gives the basket to Kevin)
I love you, man! (takes the basket) (moans) (puts the basket on the counter and takes two cookies from it then asks Nick) Okay, can you put one in my mouth. I only have two hands.
Nick
No. (Kevin takes a bite of one of the cookies that he is holding)
(slides down his pole) Okay, Van Dyke picked Stella up at 7:00. They go to a restaurant, they have dinner, he takes her home. But I just called her house and she's not there. How come?
Nick
Maybe because it's only 7:15.
Joe, you just need to calm down. Let's all sit down and have a cookie, but not these cookies! These are mine!
Nick
Joe, I don't get it. You're the one who made Stella go on a date with Van Dyke.
I didn't make her go. I said, "you can go if you want to."
Nick
Then what's the problem?
I didn't want her to! Especially if she was gonna be there for 16 minutes! (checks Kevin's watch)
Joe, come to big brother Kevin for some more brotherly advice.
I'm not going back in there. I'm just gonna call her on her cell.
(takes Joe's phone from him) You are not calling Stella on her cell phone. (puts Joe's phone the counter)
Okay. I'll call the restaurant. (sees the phone and picks it up then dials the number)
Nick
Don't make me sticker your mouth again.
Hello-- (Nick takes the phone from Joe and throws it) (glass shatters) (cat howls) Then I'll go to El Meat. (Kevin and Nick prevent him from leaving the house)
Whoa! We cannot let you do that. If you go, Stella will hate you forever.
Nick
Brothers don't let brothers make fools of themselves. Kevin, I'm sorry, I've let you down for so many years.
You guys are right. You know, I'm just gonna take a walk, (takes his jacket) get some fresh air.
Nick
Sounds good. (walks away)
Kevin, can I have the car keys please?
Yeah, man, here you go. (tosses the keys to Joe) (Joe leaves with the keys)
(caught the keys) Thank you. (leaves with the keys and jacket)
Nick
Kevin, what are you doing?
Oh! I know what you're thinking. I'm sure he's just taking the car for a drive so he can find a really nice place to go on a walk. It's all good.
And-- oh! Come on! Uh-unh! What you got? Yes, I block it! (grunting) And, he scores! Yes! Take that, Kevin! (hooting)
Nick
(enters and sees the empty trays and basket) Hey, Kev.
Nick
How you doing?
Pretty good. I'm winning 273 to 194. (crowd cheering) And now i'm losing 194 to 273. (whimpers) (crowd booing)
Nick
Looks like you're having a great time.
(panting) Actually, it looks that way, doesn't it? But actually, I'm having a terrible time! I can't stop. Why can't I stop? Oh look! Cardio! That'll help. Why can't I stop, Nick? Why can't I stop? Oh look, the guitar! Hey, Nick, I wrote a new slow song. You want to hear it? Okay! (plays fast rock music) What do you think? Yeah, it's a little boring in the middle. I don't know what I'm doing!
Nick
It's all those cookies that I made you. You're having a sugar rush. (Kevin gives Nick the guitar) (Nick puts the guitar down)
It's not your fault! I have a confession to make. Last night, when you were sleeping, I hypnotized you so you would make me more of your cookies that little voice inside your head-- that was me!
Nick
I know.
Nick
I have a confession to make. I was actually awake. I made all those cookies on purpose to try and teach you a lesson.
Nick
That you have no self-control. And once you've learned that lesson, you can take a few in knitting because that thing is way long.
Well, how can I make it stop?
Nick
Don't worry about that, you'll crash soon enough.
I don't know if I will, Nick. (walks to the recliner and Nick takes the blanket off it)I think I can do this for days. It's like I'll never stop. (snoring)
(storming upstairs) I'll tell this much, I'm never speaking to that girl again. If she thinks she can tell me what to do--
I'm coming! (slides down his pole)
Nick
(puts blanket on Kevin) Good night, cookie.
(wakes up then goes back to sleep) Cookie!
(enters the house) Don't give me "what up" all innocent like you don't know what up. I don't know how someone can be so conceited and selfish and just-- just thoughtless.
Yeah, well, you are stuck-up, pretentious and totally gorgeous.
I-- I meant adorable, so adorable, you make me sick.
Oh, I'm sorry. If I'm so sickeningly adorable, then why did you come to the restaurant tonight?
Why did you go out with Van Dyke?
Because he asked me! Isn't that how it works, Joe? A guy asks out a girl because he likes he?
What about a guy not asking a girl because he likes her, huh? Have you ever thought about that?
I didn't want to wreck everything, you and me don't have together.
That makes absolutely no sense!
Yeah? Well, sometimes, things don't make sense. (going to kiss Stella)
Okay, like-- Oh. Um, I see your point. And I shall see you tomorrow. (accidently takes the watermelon rather than her purse) This is not my purse. (she leaves the watermelon at the house and takes her purse with her then leaves) (Joe falls down)
Nick
Cookie? (offers Kevin)
(screams) Get them away from me!
Nick
Good boy. (Joe and Stella walk to Kevin and Nick) You two seem to be friends again.
We never stopped being friends. (takes the guitar off)
Oh no, we just agreed to forget everything that happened last night.
Definitely. The whole thing was ridiculous and best forgotten.
I don't even know what we're talking about.
Sweet, so everything's back to normal?
Totally normal. (school bell rings)
Great. (she kisses Joe then they take each other's belonging by mistake and they leave opposite directions but they return their belongings back to each other) (Stella and Joe murmur)
(panting) It's not your fault! I have a confession to make. Last night, when you were sleeping, I hypnotized you so you would make me more of your cookies that little voice inside your head-- that was me!
Nick
I know.
Nick
I'm sorry. (Kevin laughs, groans) (crew laughing)
M1Man 1#
Okay, here we go.
M2Man 2#
Still rolling. (Kevin and Nick leave)
Nick
I'm watching you. You two seem to be friends again.
Yeah, we-- (stammers) (crew laughing) (Stella waves at the camera)
I would like to go home now, Van Dyke, please. Oh! Oh! (squealing)
Of course, Stella, I'll call my mom. (mimics zapping noises) (he pretends to be shocked) (all laughing)
Guys! (runs towards to Nick and Joe) (bumps into Joe)
Nick
Whoa.
Sorry, guys. Hey, I just got a text from Anya saying that she is going to be coming to our school to be an exchange student. You know-- Anya, the president of our Scandinavian fan club Anya?
The really strong, the really blonde that I can't stop thinking about. (sighs) (a thought bubble of Anya appears) (pops)
Nick
Oh, that Anya.
You two were really crushing on each other when we toured Scandinavia.
Kevin Well, all the long walks, the dancing, the romantic dinners, the regular dinners-- it really was the best 2 1/2 days of my young life.
Nick
Remember how bummed you were when the tour ended? And you thought your heart never be...(pulls out pen and paper) mended? (starts to write)
That rhymed! Wait a second, do you really care or are you just writing a new song?
Nick
I care. (continues to write)
Nick
Do you wanna go on tour again, or not?
So she's coming all the way to America to go to this school?
And to see me. (Anya appears)
Anya! (romantic music playing) (he and Anya run to each other) (Anya lifts Kevin off the floor then they dance)
Nick
Kevin had, like, three milkshakes for lunch, so… I think we should get out of here before he blows.
Yeah. (agrees then leaves with Nick)
I really think you're going to like the atrium. It's like having the outside on the inside.
An outside inside outside-- you're right, I love it.
(laughs) Oh good. (Nick, Joe and Stella are going to spy on Kevin and Anya)
Oh, look at Kevin. He must be freezing. I mean, his lips are turning blue.
That always happens when he likes a girl.
Nick
Or forgets to breathe.
You know, I've really missed you, since we ended our tour in Scandinavia.
Me too. Do you know what else I've missed since Scandinavia? (takes a cd player from her bag)
KAKevin and Anya
(unison) Our song! (pop music playing) (they started dancing)
She dances just like my grandma. Well, back, when she had her own hips.
Quick, everybody look serious in a different direction.
(runs fast to tell Stella, Joe and Nick) Excuse me! Someone posted unauthorized pictures of the guys on my JONAS website. Look. Oh hang on, I’m not really sure how to use my new smart phone yet, (barking noise come from phone) oops, I think I just bought a puppy.
Nick
Ooh, I was in the middle of sneezing there.
Look at this one. I'm in the middle of a yawn. But, I still look pretty good. (Stella punched him) Ow.
There's obviously undercover paparazzi at school.
Maybe we should handle this like they do on "Crime Scene Cops." First you need some cool shades, then the cool camera angles. When we get our hands on the guys taking these photos, it won't be a pretty picture. (guitar riff plays) Hey-yyyy!
Shh. You'll ruin the moment. Now everyone, look serious in a different direction.
Nick
Maybe we should spend time looking cool and more time looking for the guy who did this.
(punched Nick lightly) Good thinking, detective. Maybe it's a janitor hiding a camera in his mop! I'm keeping my eye on you. (gives the broken mop back to the janitor then he walks away then Macy, Stella and Nick leave opposite directions) Hey, lunch lady, why are you walking so fast?
(enters the house with Anya's message to Kevin) Delivery for Kevin! (Nick, Joe and Kevin walk to the table) From a little lady called Anya. Ta-dah! (Tom puts Anya's message to Kevin on the table)
"Dance will the to me you with go"!
I think she speaks in broken cookie.
"Will you to the dance go with me"!
Nick
Close enough.
Hey, Anya's asking you to the dance. Wait-- you know what? Do you mind? This one's got "me" written all over it. (reached for a cookie and takes it) (laughs)
I think I'm gonna bake her three cakes that spell "yes." You know, Anya's the first girl that I've met that really gets me.
Nick
Well, we've met a lot of girls. It was bound to happen.
Sometimes it's hard being the different one. But with Anya, we're both the different one, so we're the same... in that we're different from all the others that are the same.
That's-- that's good. Good.
You didn't get it, did you?
You know what else I like about her? She speaks her mind. When she's mad, she says so. Happy, says so. Hungry, says so. Tired, says so. Sad, says so. Gassy... says so. Doesn't feel like talking, she says so. (notices Joe and Nick are sleeping on the table then joins them)
Nick
We gotta find out who's been sneaking those photos of us from inside this house.
Look at him! Sitting there all innocent and dad.
Nick
How's it going, dad.
Terrific. I just cut the band a monster deal that is bigger--
Yeah yeah yeah, it's great. (he turns off the lights) (he and Nick walk to towards Tom then Joe and Nick take their beverages off the counter) (Joe wears his sunglasses while Where were you between the hours of 8:00 and 11:00 Saturday morning?
Well, at Frankie's soccer game.
Prove it. (picks up his beverage and drinks it)
Nick
He's right. We were there. I remember that now.
So unless you fellas are willing to charge me, I do have an appointment in the world of normal. (walks to the light switch to turn it on) (chuckles)
Don't leave town. (guitar riff playing) Hey-yyyy!
Okay. (walks away) (Nick puts his beverage on the counter)
What are you doing? (sunglasses crunch) (trash can rattles) (Nick takes Joe's glasses off then breaks it in half to throw it away but Joe has another pair) (guitar riff playing) Hey-yyyy! (Kevin walks into the house after Anya ended their relationship)
Nick
How's it going, man?
Not good. I can't figure out what went wrong with me and Anya.
Joe Well, you guys are going out and then she broke up with you.
But why? Why?! Why? Why? Everything was going so good back in Scandinavia.
Nick
Maybe you should go back to Anya's country.
No, I'd miss you guys too much.
We'd miss you too. (Kevin fist bumps Joe and Nick)
Wait a minute! If I could make it so being here, reminds her of home, maybe she'll remember how happy we were there.
Nick
Maybe you should study up on Scandinavia and do whatever you can to make her feel at home.
If I bring Norway her way, maybe she won’t go away. (Joe and Nick look at each other then they clap their hands) Thanks.
Jonas · 237 quotes
