Van DykeHey, Stella. Which role are you trying out for? (Joe is angry at Van Dyke)
Oh, I'm gonna to try out for this lady with the fancy French name that I can't pronounce.
Van Dyke
Oh, well, it says here that she's beautiful. You'll definitely get the part.
Stella! (he walks to her and Van Dyke) There you are. I looked all over. What did you want to talk to me about?
Me too. We're so in sync, you and me. You and me.(he takes her away from Van Dyke)
(he and Nick are walking to Mrs Snark) Hey, Mrs. Snark, my brothers and I are here to audition.
SMiss Snark
I heard that JONAS was in the house. And by "house", I obviously mean theatre not hizzy.
Right. Um, but we're not here as JONAS, just Nick, Kevin and Joe auditioning like everyone else. We don't want any special treatment.
SMiss Snart
Gentlemen, I am a woman of the theatre and biology lab. I award roles on the sole basis of talent. I assure you, you're going to prove yourselves like everyone else. Next!
SMiss Snark
Brilliant! You've got the part.
Perfection! You've got the part.
SMiss Snark
Magnificent! You've got the part.
Hey, dude. What happened? You totally skipped the scene where I get to wear my feathered hat.
I don't want to do this play anymore. It's not my thing.
What? You can't just quit. We're The Three Musketeers.
You looked pretty nervous up there.
Nervous? I perform in front of 50,000 of screaming fans with no sweat.
Yeah, but in front of us, there was some sweat (takes out a towel from his pants and he gives it to Joe) (Joe wipes sweat off his face)
Okay, maybe just a little nervous. Just a little bit. I think I'm gonna throw up... Just a little bit.
Why do you suddenly stage fright?
I don't know. When we're performing, I just have to be Joe! And that's pretty easy.
You are an excellent Joe.
Best one I've ever worked with.
But with this play, I have to be a totally different person. What if no one believes me? Or they think you're Aramis and you're Athos and I'm Stinkos.(he grabs Nick by the shirt) I mean, I-- I don't want to do that.
Bro, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, forget it. No big.
Then, please let go of my shirt. (Joe removes his hand from the shirt then Nick and Kevin leave Joe)
What is going on? Not the show, I can tell you that. Not to be melodramatic about it, but the show must go on!
You can't quit. If you quit, I'll have no career.
I'm sorry, it's just you're going to find somebody else to do the part.
Do you have another brother?
There's Frankie. He's eight but he can play really close to 11.
Where am I going to find another Porthos in such short notice?
Van Dyke
What up, diggy dogs? (he comes and he puts his arm around Joe)
Magnificent! You've got the part.
Van Dyke
Awesome. A part of what?
The part of Porthos in "The Three Musketeers. (Van Dyke is confused) Porthos is her love interest.
Van Dyke
Oh. I'm in.
After the break, we'll start rehearsing the big romantic scene between you and Stella. Come. (she, Stella and Van Dyke leave)
It's my talent and hard work that's made me a great athlete. Nerks!(she is angry)(walks in front of Kevin then she turns around to apologize) Ooh! I'm sorry. It's just we lost yesterday I didn't have my lucky charm. I threw nothing but bricks. Me! Mighty Mite Macy Misa!
(he takes off his boot and gives it to Macy) Here.
(holds Kevin's boot and walks while holding with it) Your Jacques LeFajette size 8 and a half calfskin boot in hot cocoa brown? (she turns around) Why?
Don't tell anybody, but I believe in lucky charms too. That's my lucky boot. I want you to have it.
But how do you know it's lucky, besides the obvious fact it gets to hug your foot all day and night.
I wear it every single night on stage. I’ve never done a performance without it, and I’ve never been struck by lightning! Now, if that’s not lucky I don’t know what is.
Well, then come on lucky boot. Let's go kick some butt! (she leaves with Kevin's boot then he is walking with one boot one)
Hey, Joe, can we talk about the play?
Aren't you guys gonna ask me about my boot first? (he is shown wearing a sock on his left foot)
JNJoe and Nick
No. (they shake their heads)
Joe, seeing as how you decided to leave the play, me and Nick want to let you know that if you wanted us to quit, we will. (Nick nods in agreement) I really really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really don't want to but I will. I really really don't want to but I will.
Guys. I don't you to quit because of me. It's really cool. I appreciate it. I guess we are The Musketeers. (horns blow)
Van Dyke
Hey, my two Musketeers. Let's hit play practice.
I think you mean rehearsal.
Van Dyke
Rehearsal, yeah. That's what Mrs. Snark called it. (notices that Kevin isn't wearing one of his boots) Hey, where's your boot?
Thank you for asking. You know, it is a crazy story... It happened to me a little earlier
Look, um, I was sorry to see you quit.
Yeah, well, Van Dyke stepped right in there. I mean, I'm not Van Dyke Tosh, you know?
Yeah, well, he's a pretty good looking guy, though.
Do you want to lie to you?
Van Dyke
Hey, Stella, come on! One for all and all for fun!
Tis a great risk, Porthos. (he and Nick are practicing with swords)
Van Dyke
(grunting) But Athos, we must trust...him if we are to save the life of the fair... Lady De Bonna...
(he goes upstairs) Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo. I thought rehearsal was over an hour ago.
Yeah, well, some of us needed some more practice. (Kevin pats and points at Van Dyke)
Van Dyke
Ah, no problem, fellas. I'm glad I could help you out. I did win the team-player-of-the-year trophy two years running. Speaking of running, where's the can?
Van Dyke
Thanks. (runs to the bathroom)
Well, that is one classy guy.
Yeah, but we still wish it was you that we were rehearsing with, Joe.
And I bet you wish Van Dyke wasn't rehearsing with Stella.
So he kisses her hand in once scene-- no big deal.
Whatever. The point is, why is Van Dyke here in our room? This is like Sacred JONAS territory.
It's not like Van Dyke's going to replace you, Joe.
Except, you know, in the play where he actually did replace you.
Van Dyke
Yo, dudes. What do you say we grab some bites?
Van Dyke : One for all--
KNKevin and Nick
All for one.
(mimicking Van Dyke) Yo, dudes, Why not grab some bites?
How can you eat at a time like this? (Macy looks at him then she looks back at the play and eats the popcorn)
Thanks for filming the play, Frankie. Your mother would be upset if she couldn't watch this when she gets back from your aunt Debbie's.
No problem.(he is watching cartoons rather than filming the play)(cartoon sounds)
Are you watching cartoons? Give me this. (takes the video away from Frankie)
I knew it was him for he had the mark of the criminal on his shoulder!
Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Tis a great risk, Porthos. Tis a great risk, Porthos. (waiting for Van Dyke to come)
MMan
Van Dyke. (applause) (Van Dyke bumps into Kevin which makes Kevin bumps into Nick)
Van Dyke
But Athos, we must trust...him for tonight, I shall ask-- I shall ask...
Mrs. Snark : "Sweet my beloved into my arms and proclaim my love for her."
Van Dyke
Sweep up with my arms the love and proclaim for her.
Looks like somebody could use a lucky boot.
Van Dyke
Dare I ask if I may have your heart?
Yes yes, my beloved. A thousand times, yes.
Van Dyke
Dare I ask...if I may have a kiss?
Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (she walks down the tower then she holds hands with Van Dyke)
Stella and Van Dyke are gonna...(she looks at Joe's chair but he left the audience to interrupt Van Dyke from kissing Stella)(Van Dyke and Stella are about to kiss)
No! (he swings on a rope and knocks Van Dyke away while Stella backs away from being hit)
I'm sorry, but he can't kiss you.
Because this is my role. (he picks up the feathered hat) Dare I ask, may I have a kiss, Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo?
Yes. I mean... Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (Joe kisses her on the cheek) (applause from Nick, Kevin, Mrs. Snark, Macy and the crowd)
Bravo! Bravo! (Van Dyke is waking up with the flower between his teeth and he stands next to Mrs. Snark then spits the flower out) (Van Dyke reaches into his pocket and give a tissue to Mrs. Snark)
(he and Stella switch places) Aramis, my sword! (Nick tosses the sword to Joe and he catches it) Ahh!
(wiping her tears with a tissue) It's better than "Cats."
We'll return at dawn, my love. (he walks over to Kevin and Nick)
NJNick, Joe, and Kevin
(Kevin and Nick take out their swords then the three of them raised their swords together) One for all, and all for one!
And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!
Thanks to Nick's cookie, I totally had the most fun ever in calculus.
So, how do you think you think?
Oh, I absolutely failed. (Macy, Stella and Joe look at him) But thanks to Nick's cookie, I could care less. (Van Dyke walks to Kevin, Joe, Stella and Macy)
Van Dyke
Hey, Stells, you busy Saturday?
Van Dyke, Stella's not gonna want to--
(Joe looks at her) I'm not busy.
Van Dyke
You are now. You and the van man are gonna hit up the new restaurant. They serve like 17 different types of meat.
Dude, you're talking about "El Meat"? That place will wrap anything you want in bacon.
Van Dyke
Oh, give me a meaty high five! (he and Kevin high five each other)
That sounds great.(Kevin looks at Stella while smiling) (Joe also looks at Stella then he and Macy look at each other and both of them are smiling) Actually, you know, I'm gonna have to pass 'cause Joe and I have chemistry.
J-- Joe and I have to study for chemistry 'cause we have a chemistry test with chemicals.
Van Dyke
Hey, it's cool. Next time, maybe.
Yeah, sure. Maybe. Well, I have history. (groans) Bye. (walks away) (Kevin and Joe leave)
Van Dyke
Oh yeah, you're that girl-dude. At the inter-league baseball game, you struck me out seven times.
Actually, it was 11 times.
Van Dyke
Well, who's counting?
The officials were. Yeah, they wrote in the record book and on the trophy.
Van Dyke
Well, you were dressed like a guy.
Well, you screamed like a girl.
Van Dyke
Fair enough. (he walks upstairs)
Hey, Stella, can we talk about you and me?
You and me, Joe? Um... sure what's up?
You should go out with Van Dyke.
How is that about you and me?
If you want to go out with Van Dyke, don't let me stop you.
Oh. Okay. First-- wow. Second-- huh? And third-- huh? Again.
I mean, don't say no to Van Dyke because of me.
I'm not saying no to Van Dyke because of you. And why are you suddenly all up in my personal life?
Hey, whatever you want to do in your personal is fine with me.
(clears throat) Stop talking!
You have my blessing to go out with whoever you want.
Oh, for the love of all that is Mike, stop talking.
Van Dyke
(walks to the table) Oh! Hey, Stells! Since you're not free on Saturday-- (his backpack drops on Nick's head) (Nick pushes Van Dyke's backpack away)
Actually, um-- I-- I am free on Saturday. (giggles) And if you're still free...
Van Dyke
Touchdown. How about I pick you up at 7?
Van Dyke
Cool. I'll walk you to the planetarium.
This school doesn't have a planetarium, but okay.
Van Dyke
So what's your favorite color? (leaves with Stella)
Why didn't you stop me from talking? (asks Nick)
How's that? (stands up while he takes his folders and puts a sticky note with a frown on Joe's mouth) (Nick leaves)
(panting) It's not your fault! I have a confession to make. Last night, when you were sleeping, I hypnotized you so you would make me more of your cookies that little voice inside your head-- that was me!
I'm sorry. (Kevin laughs, groans) (crew laughing)
M1Man 1#
Okay, here we go.
M2Man 2#
Still rolling. (Kevin and Nick leave)
I'm watching you. You two seem to be friends again.
Yeah, we-- (stammers) (crew laughing) (Stella waves at the camera)
I would like to go home now, Van Dyke, please. Oh! Oh! (squealing)
Van Dyke
Of course, Stella, I'll call my mom. (mimics zapping noises) (he pretends to be shocked) (all laughing)
Jonas · 237 quotes
