Look, Amy from Boise writes, "Joe, even though we've never met, I know you're a very kind and generous person". And look she would know because she signs it xoxo-xoxo, heart, heart, smiley face.
Joe, I know you like Angelina, but she's just one girl, okay? Unless she has an identical twin, in which case she is mistaken and I apologize
And dude, it is time to move on!
I don't want to move on. I've never met a girl like her. She's passionate, talented and beautiful.
TomSo who's passionate, talented and beautiful besides your mother? (chuckles) (whispers) She could hear everything through those holes
This girl at school, she thinks because I'm a rock star, I must be some kind of jerk.
Tom
Your mom and I worked very hard, so you wouldn't turn into some kind of rock star jerk. All right? If I do say so myself, I think we've done pretty well with all you boys.
It's just she won't come within a mile of me.
Tom: No, she won't come within a mile of the person who thinks you are, not who you are, because who you are, not the person she thinks who you are, is who thinks you really
Tom
You're not a jerk, all right? Just be yourself and she'll realize she's wrong, okay? Even if you do just the littlest thing, a woman will appreciate it. (loudly) Because women are perspective, sensitive and intelligent.
Dad, mom's at the park with Frankie.
Tom
Oh, yeah, that's right. (loudly) Nevermind.
Nick's never had writer's block before. It's been three weeks and he hasn't written anything.
I know what we can do. We can introduce him to a girl, make him fall in love with that girl, make the girl break up with him. Broken heart, brand new song! Unless that would be totally wrong.
Yeah, that would be pretty wrong. (Kevin and Frankie are setting up the table)
(holds the guitar) Nick out. Frankie in.
Frankie, that's plan B. (Frankie walks away the guitar)
Tom
Has he got a song yet?
Tom
Well, if he doesn't come up with a song by the end of the day tomorrow, we can't get the album done on time.
(talking about Nick and his writer's block) What if he can't write anymore? What if he can't write another song for as long as he lives?
Then that would be pretty embarrassing for all of us!
Don't worry, okay? I've got my song-writing shoes on.(He shines his shoes) I wore these babies when I wrote our first number-one hit and our second number-one hit.
Tom
Ooh, I am so sorry about that. I forgot I left that there.
Tom
Oh, it's quick-dry spackle. Now with "quicker quick dry". Mmm.
Tom
Yeah
Um... I think we can help you, Nick. Just grab him. (Grunts) One, two, three! All the fun stuff happens to you.
So, Nick, you think you can write that song, today. Maybe? You could write about really anything. Doesn't have to be about relationships.
It could be about animals or trees or plants. (he walks to the table and Kevin walks to Nick)
Joe, I appreciate the concern, but would be really nice not to mention the new song at all.
You got it! (He pours Crunchy Cats into Nick's bowl and Nick is annoyed at Kevin) How about a little bit of new song. I mean, new song. Oh, um, you want more new song? How about some Crunchy Cats cereal with a brand-new-good-morning taste of some new song? (He walks away with his hand over his mouth)
Oh, sorry about that. Let me give you a towel.
It's hard enough to write after having the worst day of my life. And you eyeballing me doesn't help. (Nick looks at Joe then he continues to write songs)
What does make the worst day of a life? Let's reflect.
Get out. (he angrily tells his brothers to leave the bedroom)
Fine. You don't have to be so mean.
TTV
Now a message from Crunchy cats! Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow
I've got it. I've got the song. I've got a new song! I dreamt an awesome song.(Joe, Kevin and Tom run upstairs after they heard that Nick has a new song)
Tom
You're my son again. Let's hear this.
I can't remember it. I can't remember the song. (He stares at the keyboard blankly)
Tom
(laughing) Come on-- there's only 88 keys here. Nick, just hit one. Here, how about-- Was that note in it? How about this note? Does this note ring a bell? This note? Nick? This note? How about one of these black ones. These are weird.
Dad, dad! Step away from the keyboard.
Tom
That's the one! (points to a black key as Kevin pulls him away) Okay, I'm sorry. Everything's good. I'm gonna be downstairs not freaking out. Just relaxing. Nick, do this thing. (Tom is heard crying downstairs and Kevin is walking down the steps and he is going to sleep on the ottoman)
Nick? Don't worry about dad. He doesn't know how to chill.
I can't believe the song's gone.
It can't be gone! (He walks to Nick and grabs his arm to pull him away from the chair) We have one day. Go back to bed.
Go back to sleep. Dream it again.
I can't-- I can't just dream it again.
Come on! Say goodnight and goodbye, la la la la. Kevin, help me out here! Kevin!
What are we gonna do? We need to get this song back.
I can't just dream it again.
Kevin: Sure you can. Okay, One time I had this dream about a lemur feeding me chocolate pudding. And of course, I wanted to dream it again.
So I repeated everything exactly the same way, it happened to me all day long. And then sure enough, I went to sleep and boom! (sighs) The lemur was surprised to see me again.
I'm not repeating this awful day. (he stands up)
Even if you'll dream the song again?
So you're saying Kevin had a good idea?
It was bound to happen eventually.
Okay. I will repeat the worst day of my life for the sake of this band.
That's more like it. I'm proud of you. (he gives Nick a pat on the chest)
I just wanted to get a head start.
Okay, here's a list of all the horrible things that happened to Nick yesterday. Now it's our job to make sure they all happen again.
Spackle bucket. (Nick slides down the pole and steps into the bucket of spackle)
Kevin: Check. You never know, it could have been the landing into the bucket that led into the dream that led to the song, Nick.
That's what I figured. That's why today I wore your favorite shoes. (Nick shows Kevin that he is wearing Kevin's favorite shoes)
Tom
Okay, look, I appreciate you guys doing this to try to make the deadline, but don't go overboard, okay? (talking to Kevin and Joe about Nick) Stay on him. Wring him like a damp washcloth if you gotta.
We covered this one last night.
Yes, we did, but it didn't count because it was last night and it was Kevin and it was low-fat.(Nick picks up a spoon to hit Joe then Nick bends the spoon instead hitting Joe with it) Don't hit me because you didn't hit me yesterday.
Are you sure you broke the guitar? (he looks at the list while Kevin is eating cereal)
Yeah! (he replies to Joe while he washes off in the bathroom)
Okay, looks like we've covered everything on the list. (Joe puts the clipboard on the ottoman then he picks up the blanket) (Nick enters the bedroom he then walks to the armchair that he was sitting on yesterday and Joe puts the blanket on him)
All that you have to do now is go back to sleep and dream that awesome song. But, you know, no pressure.
Nick, don't worry if have to cancel the tour and the album. You know, we can always find different jobs like a stuntman or a hand model. (looks at his hand)
Not helping. (he goes to sleep)
Do you want my eye mask? (he offers Nick the eye mask)
No. (talks while sleeping)
How about a foot rub? (Kevin offers to give Nick a foot massage)
How about a face punch? (he wakes up to give Kevin a punch in the face)
Looks like somebody need a nap. (Nick goes back to sleep)
I can smell it. It's a hit song. (he and Kevin are near Nick's face)
It's just sizzling inside his brain.
I can't sleep with you guys staring at me. (he wakes up to find that Kevin and Joe are on both sides of him)
Sorry, Nick. Kevin, stop staring at him. (he and Kevin leave Nick alone)
TTV
We'll be right back after this message from Crunchy Cats. Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow...
Oh no! (he wakes up after hearing the tune)
TTV
Crunchy crunchy, meow meow meow...
Crunchy cats. (picks up the cereal box then drops it and he runs to his area with Kevin and Joe)
Ahh! The song that I wrote in my dream.
You mean, it's already on the television? You are amazing!
I must have heard it in my sleep and then dreamt I wrote it.
Kevin: You've got to be kidding.
I can't believe the awesome song I thought I wrote turns out to be "Crunchy Cats."
I repeated every horrible thing that happened to me yesterday. I did it all again and I got nothing. (he decides to throw Mr. Bumbles but Kevin won't let Nick do that)
NO! Not Mr. Bumbles. Take it out on the keyboard! It's okay (he pets the teddy bear)
No song, no album, no tour. (he bangs the keyboard feeling angry)
I did it all again and I got nothing I did it all again and I got nothing... I did it all again and I got nothing I did it all again and I got nothing yeah
Tom
Woo hoo! Great song! Oh, studio, album, back on! (he imitates gunshots) That was a little over the top. Sorry. Just have been a nervous wreak all week. (he laughs)
All it took was Nick getting really angry and we got an awesome song.
Now all I have to do is apologize to Stella for the jacket and Amy for making her asking me out twice. You guys with me? (He, Joe and Kevin are going to slide down the poles then Joe and Kevin got their leg stuck in a spackle bucket)
Tom
You wrote that down somewhere, right?
I can't believe you're going to miss our school's basketball championship. Where is your school spirit?
(he stands up cheering with one arm and Kevin looks at him annoyed then Nick sits back down) That was it.
Joe, are you almost ready? (Joe goes upstairs) Stella's gonna be here any minute. I have to be there early before the pep rally.
My cold's gotten worst. I don't wanna disappoint Stella again. (Tom enters the bedroom) She was really hurt last time.
Tom: Hey, Joe, I heard you have a cold, and you're going out to some basketball game tonight? This doctor prescribes a little no way, Jose.
Tom
Oh, thank you.
Tom
You're singing "Great Morning USA" tomorrow morning. Millions of TVs are gonna be tuning in to JONAS.
Oh, now, I get it. (Nick shakes his head)
Tom
Can't afford to push it.
Tom
Don't make me sic mom on you. You don't want her coming at you with grandma's thermometer.(he leaves the bedroom and Stella enters)
Hey! So what do you think? (shows Joe the outfit) Just something I threw on, in, like, six hours
Stella, I can't go. I'm sick.
No, Joe, you're wrong. You're more than sick. You're about to be dead.
Look, Joe, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore. Totally that's fine. I'll still be your stylist. I just wish, you wouldn't feed me, with one excuse one after another, you know? Just have some respect for me. (she leaves upset)
Do you want me to draw some more smiley faces?
Don't mind if I don't. (throws it on Frankie then he walks away and Nick enters the bedroom)
(takes the towel) I'll take it. And instead five bucks, I'll let you to continue to live here. (he leaves then Kevin leaves the bathroom with five bucks)
Hey, man, here you go. (he puts the five bucks in the tip jar) Hit me. Ahh, invigorating.
Tom
(he runs upstairs) Hey, you guys, today's your big audition for "The Three Musketeers," right?
Tom
Need any acting pointers? I got rave reviews in my kindergarten production "Safety on a School Bus."
Music and singing come naturally to us, so we're just gonna go with our instincts.
Tom
Instincts? Great. Really bad idea. Let me give you a few pointers.
Tom
Sure?
Tom
Few pointers? How about a few pointers?
Dad, would you give us a few acting pointers? (he puts down the guitar)
Tom
Okay, if you insist. Come on. All right, look, acting-- the key is right here-- it's all in the face, okay? All right? Let's run through some acting expressions, okay? Start with anger. RRR! That's good, anger. Angry! (Joe and Kevin are doing the expressions with Tom except Nick) Okay, all right. Um, bravery. "Oh, nothing can hurt me. I'm so brave. Okay, that's good. Okay, and now try joy. Right into joy.
Tom
Ooh, Kevin! Your body language is fantastic. Joe, great energy. Nick, I think you show a little bit of that quiet star power as I did as boy with motion sickness.
Tom
(he sits on the ottoman) Okay. Now let give you some warm-ups to get your speech clear and your focus centered, okay? (Joe, Kevin and Nick are just looking at Tom) MMM--MMAHH! MMM--EH! MM--EHH! (blowing raspberries) (Joe is looking at Tom) (giggling) (exhaling, mumbling) (Kevin, Joe and Nick are walking away) Yeegaa! Boys? (notices that Kevin, Joe and Nick aren't there)
How can you eat at a time like this? (Macy looks at him then she looks back at the play and eats the popcorn)
Tom
Thanks for filming the play, Frankie. Your mother would be upset if she couldn't watch this when she gets back from your aunt Debbie's.
No problem.(he is watching cartoons rather than filming the play)(cartoon sounds)
Tom
Are you watching cartoons? Give me this. (takes the video away from Frankie)
I knew it was him for he had the mark of the criminal on his shoulder!
Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Tis a great risk, Porthos. Tis a great risk, Porthos. (waiting for Van Dyke to come)
MMan
Van Dyke. (applause) (Van Dyke bumps into Kevin which makes Kevin bumps into Nick)
But Athos, we must trust...him for tonight, I shall ask-- I shall ask...
Mrs. Snark : "Sweet my beloved into my arms and proclaim my love for her."
Sweep up with my arms the love and proclaim for her.
Looks like somebody could use a lucky boot.
Dare I ask if I may have your heart?
Yes yes, my beloved. A thousand times, yes.
Dare I ask...if I may have a kiss?
Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (she walks down the tower then she holds hands with Van Dyke)
Stella and Van Dyke are gonna...(she looks at Joe's chair but he left the audience to interrupt Van Dyke from kissing Stella)(Van Dyke and Stella are about to kiss)
No! (he swings on a rope and knocks Van Dyke away while Stella backs away from being hit)
I'm sorry, but he can't kiss you.
Because this is my role. (he picks up the feathered hat) Dare I ask, may I have a kiss, Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo?
Yes. I mean... Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (Joe kisses her on the cheek) (applause from Nick, Kevin, Mrs. Snark, Macy and the crowd)
Bravo! Bravo! (Van Dyke is waking up with the flower between his teeth and he stands next to Mrs. Snark then spits the flower out) (Van Dyke reaches into his pocket and give a tissue to Mrs. Snark)
(he and Stella switch places) Aramis, my sword! (Nick tosses the sword to Joe and he catches it) Ahh!
(wiping her tears with a tissue) It's better than "Cats."
We'll return at dawn, my love. (he walks over to Kevin and Nick)
NJNick, Joe, and Kevin
(Kevin and Nick take out their swords then the three of them raised their swords together) One for all, and all for one!
And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!
(talks on the phone) She's not my girlfriend! I don't even know Fiona Skye! Yes, and that's for the record. (hangs up the phone then talks on on the phone again) Hello? Now they're calling from "Celebrity Dirt." No, Fiona and I are not involved in any way. Why are all these reporters asking about Fiona Skye. Who is she? (asks Kevin)
She was in that horror film "Screaming till You Die Screaming" or "Crying till you Die Crying." Either way, it was horrible. I remember being there and laughing till I died laughing. Yeah, 'cause I... laughed.
I don't know her! Leave me alone! Oh! I'm sorry, little boy. Don't cry. You have the wrong number. I just made a little boy cry. (he tells Kevin that Joe yelled at the boy on the cellphone)
Hey, nice shot of you and Fiona with your arms around each other. (Nick slides down the pole while holding the cellphone and walks to the kitchen counter to give it to Joe then he sees the photo of him and Fiona hugging)
I don't remember this. Wait a minute. (he has a flashback of him, Kevin and Nick walking into the theater then Fiona Skye walks up to him)
Hold the door, handsome. (she puts her arm around Joe and he takes off his sunglasses)
I don't get it. (Nick takes back his cellphone from Joe) What's the big deal? She put her arm around me for one picture. A million of girls have done that... and every one special. (his teeth dings) (Kevin and Nick look at Joe) Seriously. (breaking the fourth wall)
Tom
(enters while holding the magazine and Nick reaches for his phone) (Tom walks to Joe) Hey, looks like somebody's got a new dance partner, a new boo, a new shorty.
The only shorty in my life is Frankie.
Tom
It says here you're so crazy about Fiona Skye you gave her a diamond necklace. (reads the magazine)
Tom
Well, there's a picture of you giving her a diamond necklace. (holds the magazine)
(exits and picks up Fiona's diamond necklace) Did somebody lose a necklace?
(exits then Joe gives back the necklace) Oh, thanks, gorgeous! You're my hero.
This is ridiculous. It was her necklace. I'm just the gorgeous hero who picked it up.
Tom
I wouldn't worry about it, you know another day or two. This'll disappear from all the magazines and all the blogs. (phone chirps) (takes out the phone out of his blazer) And all the vlogs (phone beeps) and all tweets.
Getting in touch with my inner Kevin. The Kevin that will prove that your hacky sack is wacky sack.
(laughs) Well, can your inner Kevin do this? (shows a demonstration of a few tricks)
Your skills are great, but can you do this? (inhales)
Not true. I beat you again... in here. (points to his mind) It was awesome. You're still crying... in here. (points to his mind again)
Tom
(enters the living room) Hey. Did I hear you guys are having a hacky sack competition?
You are correct, father-son.
Kevin's adopted this whole kung-fu thing to try and psych me out.
Tom
Yeah, you can blame me for that. I let him watch too many kung-fu movies when he had the chicken pox. I think it altered him.
(out of sync) If I do not beat you, my evil twin brother will, once he wakes up from his coma! (gong chimes)
Tom
Definitely the kung-fu movies. You know, that or the high fever. (leaves) (Nick shakes his head disappointed)
(filming the competition) I will be recording this historic showdown. Don't worry, if anything embarrassing happens, it will be going on the internet.
Tom
All right, as with all family competitions, we'll go in birth other. So Kevin, you're first. (Nick stands by Joe)
Okay. Don't like weight. Don't like the color. Don't like the circumference.
Kev, would you just go already, please?
Here we go. Ready? Oh, I'm out.
Tom
You want to lie down? (pats Kevin) (
(reads a page from a book while holding the video camera) "And then she says, 'I do."
132 to 3. Sorry, dude, I think I just won.
(laughs) This is classic.
I'm not on this ride anymore. (stops filming and closes the video camera then leaves with Tom)
Or, are you? Looks like the little learned his lesson. (whip cracks) Or did he? (Nick chases Kevin)
Okay. We've got guitar-shaped pancakes for Kevin, Crunchy Cat cereal for Nick and peanut butter with eggs for Joe. (kissed Joe) Ah.
Mom, there's a little too much trees in my eggs.
And I like my dish-water a little less soapy.
I love the underwear that came with my pancakes. It's a great source of fiber.
Oh my-- (laughs) I am so sorry. I think I'm doing too many things at once. (walks to Frankie) It's been really hectic since the baby was born the was born.
Mom, I'm eight and a half.
Guys, I think it's time. (tells Nick and Joe)
Mom, dad, you both seem a little stressed. So we got you a present-- an exclusive resort vacation.
Tom
Oh--
We were gonna wait for your anniversary, but you guys look like you could use our present right now.
Plus, we couldn't remember when your anniversary was.
Guys, that is so sweet. But I can't possibly leave you alone. No.
Tom
Are you sure, hon? Look.
"How many times can you enjoy a sunset balloon ride... over hand-raked prestine beaches while eating exotic delicacies"? Hmm. (takes the brochure and leaves)
Dad, you're gonna love it.
Tom
No no no no. I couldn't possibly leave. Who would take care of all this, the band business? All right, I'm the grease that keeps the JONAS machine running smoothly.
Dad, I think we can get by without your grease for a week.
Tom
I don't know. I've never left the band business in anybody else's hands before.
They give you massages while you float in the lagoon. Get up.
Tom
I'll send you a postcard. (Nick gives Joe and Kevin a high five then Nick is excited)
Bye. Oh thank you so much. (hugs Kevin)
Tom
Come here.
Okay, boys, now remember. no monkey business.
Mom, where would we even get a monkey?
Let alone with a head for business?
(on the phone while holding a business card) Hello, Monkey Land? (monkey squeals) (whispers) I'm gonna have to call you back. (hangs up)
Tom
All right, look, I've complied a list here to help you guys define "monkey business." Let's call this daddy's big list of don'ts. (unfolds the list and hands it to Joe but Joe is shocked) (Joe looks at the long list)
Come on, it's time to leave all your cares and worries behind.
Tom
Well, just watch the junk food. And don't fry your eyes playing video games.
Tom! Dolphins are waiting patiently to swim with. (exits)
Tom
Yes, dear. (leaves) (door closes)
Yea-- (Joe is about to be excited but Nick stops him)
Tom
You know, don't let any strange people into the house, okay? (runs back into the house) And stay away from my pinecone collection and pretty much everything that's breakable. And leave the computer on so we can video chat while we're gone.
BMBig Man
(enters) Sorry, chief. Time to have fun. (Tom leaves) This man needs a vacation. Lock the doors quick. (leaves then Kevin closes the doors)
All right, now you're good. (tells Joe)
Yes! (throws the list) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Come on! Yeah!
(rings loudly) Mom and dad alert! Places! (Kevin, Joe and Nick are putting back everything in their right place) (Tom opens the door for him and Sandy then they enter the house)
Hey, guys, we're back! (Kevin is playing chess with Frankie, Nick is on his guitar and writing a song while Joe is painting a picture)
Tom
The place looks spotless, Joe's not a blond. And it looks like Frankie's about to beat Kevin in speed chess. (walks to Kevin and Frankie)
Tom
Game. Well, everything, looks normal to me.
Just taking care of business, dad. (puts the guitar on the couch)
(squeals happily) I missed you guys so much. (Kevin, Nick, Joe and Frankie are walking to Sandy) (Sandy happily hugs Kevin, Joe, Nick and
We would’ve been home sooner, but the plane made an unexpected stop.
She doesn’t mean, “In mid-air”.
(tells Tom) See, I told you there was nothing to worry about. (stops hugging then notices the vase) Hey, who moved grandma's vase? (walks to the table) You guys know how fragile this is. (Tom walk to her) (she picks up part of the vase) Grandma's vase. (she hands the top of the vase to Tom) (the bouncer walks by while holding the disco ball) (Frankie pays the bouncer money then leaves)
Tom
Did anything happen that we should know about? (Sandy is mad) (he asks Kevin, Joe, Nick and Frankie)
Why do you ask? (four members of the fan club walks by carrying cleaning supplies and leave)
Are you sure there's nothing you'd like to explain to us?
We missed you. (he, Joe and Nick walk to Tom and Sandy to give them a hug)
Tom
We missed you too. (zapping) (Kevin, Joe, Nick, Frankie, Sandy and Tom are noticing the electrocuted fridge) (buzzes)
KNKevin and Nick
Joe was in charge! (Joe looks at Kevin and Nick)
Jonas · 237 quotes
