Hey, Stella. Which role are you trying out for? (Joe is angry at Van Dyke)
Oh, I'm gonna to try out for this lady with the fancy French name that I can't pronounce.
Oh, well, it says here that she's beautiful. You'll definitely get the part.
Stella! (he walks to her and Van Dyke) There you are. I looked all over. What did you want to talk to me about?
Me too. We're so in sync, you and me. You and me.(he takes her away from Van Dyke)
(he and Nick are walking to Mrs Snark) Hey, Mrs. Snark, my brothers and I are here to audition.
SMiss Snark
I heard that JONAS was in the house. And by "house", I obviously mean theatre not hizzy.
Right. Um, but we're not here as JONAS, just Nick, Kevin and Joe auditioning like everyone else. We don't want any special treatment.
SMiss Snart
Gentlemen, I am a woman of the theatre and biology lab. I award roles on the sole basis of talent. I assure you, you're going to prove yourselves like everyone else. Next!
SMiss Snark
Brilliant! You've got the part.
SMrs Snark
Perfection! You've got the part.
SMiss Snark
Magnificent! You've got the part.
I still say we got our roles 'cause we're celebrities. I mean, how else do you explain landing a role after saying one word.
I didn't even say a word. (Mrs. Snark is going to remove the sign up sheet and she puts the program up)
Mrs. Snark, we're a little concerned that we may gotten our roles because of you know, who we are. (he, Joe and Kevin are feeling concerned because they landed their roles so easily unlike everyone else)
SMrs. Snark
You absolutely got your roles because of who you are and who you are, are fine young actors. When you've been a biology/drama teacher as long as I, you only need to hear one word sometimes less-- to recognize talent. Bravo. (claps her hands) I can assure you that casting you had nothing to do with your ability to sell tickets. (she leaves with the sign up sheet)
Yeah, nothing to do with it at all.
(she enters) So did you guys hear? I got the part. I got the part. I am playing "Lady Bona-la-chew--habla-beau-la-blech." Ahem.
Wait, isn't that the love interest to Porthos played by our very own Joe?
is it? I haven't read it that far, so...
(taps the box) Oh, this is my wig. I guess I have big fancy hair to go with my big fancy name.
(points to the box) Why does it say box "1 of 3"?
(holding her wig up) I thought high heels were hard.
SMrs. Snark
Musketeers-- Athos, Porthos and Aramis-- You are deciding whether to trust a criminal to help rescue Porthos's true love. (Stella is locked at the top of the tower while holding a handkerchief) Aramis, from your line.
(steps forward) Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
(drops the wig then Kevin, Joe and Nick are looking at it) Sorry.
SMrs. Snark
Staple gun! Everybody take five.(Kevin, Stella and Nick are walking offstage except Joe) Porthos, let's work on your monologue. Okay (walks offstage)
SMrs. Snark
Stop! I'm not feeling Porthos. You're giving me Joe. I love Joe. But I want Porthos.
Ahem. (looks at the audience and Mrs Snark) The night has fallen. (Stella, Kevin and Nick are worried about Joe) The night has fallen. And within my heart... (sweat is on his face then warped laughters of Mrs. Snark, Stella, Nick and Kevin appears)
(blows a raspberry and gives a thumbs down then Joe's sweating face is shown up close)
SMrs. Snark
Porthos? Porthos? (Joe is back to reality and Mrs. Snark tells him to say his line)(Stella, Nick and Kevin are still worried about Joe then he drops his sword and runs out of the auditorium)
Hey, dude. What happened? You totally skipped the scene where I get to wear my feathered hat.
I don't want to do this play anymore. It's not my thing.
What? You can't just quit. We're The Three Musketeers.
You looked pretty nervous up there.
Nervous? I perform in front of 50,000 of screaming fans with no sweat.
Yeah, but in front of us, there was some sweat (takes out a towel from his pants and he gives it to Joe) (Joe wipes sweat off his face)
Okay, maybe just a little nervous. Just a little bit. I think I'm gonna throw up... Just a little bit.
Why do you suddenly stage fright?
I don't know. When we're performing, I just have to be Joe! And that's pretty easy.
You are an excellent Joe.
Best one I've ever worked with.
But with this play, I have to be a totally different person. What if no one believes me? Or they think you're Aramis and you're Athos and I'm Stinkos.(he grabs Nick by the shirt) I mean, I-- I don't want to do that.
Bro, this is supposed to be fun. If it's not, forget it. No big.
Then, please let go of my shirt. (Joe removes his hand from the shirt then Nick and Kevin leave Joe)
SMrs. Snark
What is going on? Not the show, I can tell you that. Not to be melodramatic about it, but the show must go on!
SMrs. Snark
You can't quit. If you quit, I'll have no career.
I'm sorry, it's just you're going to find somebody else to do the part.
SMrs. Snark
Do you have another brother?
There's Frankie. He's eight but he can play really close to 11.
SMrs. Snark
Where am I going to find another Porthos in such short notice?
What up, diggy dogs? (he comes and he puts his arm around Joe)
SMrs. Snark
Magnificent! You've got the part.
SMrs. Snark
The part of Porthos in "The Three Musketeers. (Van Dyke is confused) Porthos is her love interest.
SMrs. Snark
After the break, we'll start rehearsing the big romantic scene between you and Stella. Come. (she, Stella and Van Dyke leave)
(enters backstage) Hey, you guys, I just wanted to say have a great show.
Van Dyke : Hey thanks, bud! We sure will. (Joe shakes Nick's hand) Okay, boys, huddle up! Go acting!
Yeah. Um, Joe, this is really weird. I think this is the first time we've perform without you.
SMrs. Snark
Attention, everyone! Attention! Last-minute change between the romantic love scene between Porthos and Lady B. Instead of a kiss on the hand, the school board has said it's okay to for it to be a real kiss!
Van Dyke : Awesome. (Van Dyke sprays his mouth and Nick is trying to take out the spit from his ear)
Mrs. Snark : Places, everyone. Curtains in one minute! (feedback)
How can you eat at a time like this? (Macy looks at him then she looks back at the play and eats the popcorn)
Thanks for filming the play, Frankie. Your mother would be upset if she couldn't watch this when she gets back from your aunt Debbie's.
No problem.(he is watching cartoons rather than filming the play)(cartoon sounds)
Are you watching cartoons? Give me this. (takes the video away from Frankie)
I knew it was him for he had the mark of the criminal on his shoulder!
Then it is up to us to save her before she loses her head.
Tis a great risk, Porthos. Tis a great risk, Porthos. (waiting for Van Dyke to come)
MMan
Van Dyke. (applause) (Van Dyke bumps into Kevin which makes Kevin bumps into Nick)
But Athos, we must trust...him for tonight, I shall ask-- I shall ask...
Mrs. Snark : "Sweet my beloved into my arms and proclaim my love for her."
Sweep up with my arms the love and proclaim for her.
Looks like somebody could use a lucky boot.
Dare I ask if I may have your heart?
Yes yes, my beloved. A thousand times, yes.
Dare I ask...if I may have a kiss?
Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (she walks down the tower then she holds hands with Van Dyke)
Stella and Van Dyke are gonna...(she looks at Joe's chair but he left the audience to interrupt Van Dyke from kissing Stella)(Van Dyke and Stella are about to kiss)
No! (he swings on a rope and knocks Van Dyke away while Stella backs away from being hit)
I'm sorry, but he can't kiss you.
Because this is my role. (he picks up the feathered hat) Dare I ask, may I have a kiss, Lady De-Bonna-So-La-Boo?
Yes. I mean... Dare dare, my beloved. A thousands times dare. (Joe kisses her on the cheek) (applause from Nick, Kevin, Mrs. Snark, Macy and the crowd)
SMrs. Snark
Bravo! Bravo! (Van Dyke is waking up with the flower between his teeth and he stands next to Mrs. Snark then spits the flower out) (Van Dyke reaches into his pocket and give a tissue to Mrs. Snark)
(he and Stella switch places) Aramis, my sword! (Nick tosses the sword to Joe and he catches it) Ahh!
SMrs. Snark
(wiping her tears with a tissue) It's better than "Cats."
We'll return at dawn, my love. (he walks over to Kevin and Nick)
NJNick, Joe, and Kevin
(Kevin and Nick take out their swords then the three of them raised their swords together) One for all, and all for one!
And a leather pouch for my turkey leg!
Jonas · 237 quotes
