[After the sheep have finished their race...]
WileyWhat a race, what a race! The wind in our wool, the sound of thundering hooves, a chicken on my back... Okay, the chicken was a little weird, but the rest was great!
[The flock murmurs in confusion.]
Wiley
Uh, oh yeah, yeah, the winner of the race, right, right. Uh... [clears throat] It is with great sheeply pleasure that I declare the winner is none other than Fluffy!
[The flock bleats excitedly.]
Wiley
And his prize is... a deep sense of pride in knowing he's done his very best. Congratulations, Fluffy!
[The flock all bleat in confusion, then all approach Wiley.]
Wiley
Uh, I'm sensing a modicum of disappointment here. Look. I'm a farm animal. What'd you expect, a burger and fries? Oh, I see. Uh, great, great, you want another race. A rematch. Okay, perfect. Work those legs and breathe that air. You're too close! You're too close!
Wiley
[hearing Molly's violin playing] Wowie, wow-wow-wow. What is that? Whatever it is, it's BAA-AA-AAD. It sounds like it's in pain. It must be starving or something. A starving creature is not a good thing for us sheep. We're very tasty, you know. [runs to the flock] Okay, flock, don't panic. Run for your lives!
[The frightened flock stampede, running over Wiley.]
Wiley
They can't catch you if you zig-zag! [runs after the flock in a zig-zag pattern] Zig-zag, zig-zag, zig-zag!
Wiley
[hears Molly's violin again] You hear that? It's that sheep-eating thing again. So what are we gonna do? I'll tell you what we're gonna do, I'm glad you asked. We're gonna prepare. We're gonna learn what to do in case that thing stops screaming, and starts looking for a woolly midnight snack. First, we gotta figure out what that thing is. Let's say, it's a lion.
[A sheep bleats with question.]
Wiley
Okay, Shirley wants to know what a lion is. Who can answer that? [the sheep just look around] It seems like nobody, except me. And take it from me, you don't wanna know. So imagine instead a giant sheep-eating squirrel. [acts ferocious] Baaaaa! Baaaaa! Now, pretend I'm that squirrel. What do we do?
[A giant walnut falls next to Wiley.]
Wiley
Haha. You know, if I was that squirrel, and I was looking for nuts... you guys would be in big trouble.
Wiley
Would you look at that? We get grass, and the donkey gets fruit! [see a chicken eating a worm] And look at that! The chicken gets spaghetti! From the earth! Earth spaghetti! Who knew? [looks at another worm sticking out from the ground] Would you look at that? I can't eat this. What if I eat him and his friends come looking for him? Worse, what if they find him? Crawl free, buddy. [the worm slithers away] You know, someday, I may be in trouble, and that little squirmy guy might save my life. [the sheep look unamused] ...Yeah, I don't buy it either.
[The sheep are chasing after the pie on the fishing line like in a football game.]
Wiley
Nice recovery by Darla! They don't call her the Wooly Wonder for nothing.
[The aforementioned sheep crashes.]
Wiley
...Come to think of it, they don't call her the Wooly Wonder.
Wiley
What a game! What excitement! It's a kaleidoscope of competition! The thrill of victory, the agony of--
[The sheep running with the pie gets its wool pulled off by another. The sheep stops in embarrassment, before the pie is snatched away.]
Wiley
...a bald sheep with no pie!
Wiley
Okay, the colorful sheep improvement project has not been going that well. In fact, I wouldn't be out of line to say, it stinks. Painting Fluffy made his wool all stiff and weird, so we had to shave Fluffy, who, until his wool grows back, will now be known as Skinny.
Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks · 152 quotes
