Padrig Winks quotes from Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks

Padrig

What's all this ruckus now?!

Padrig

Who's Cluck Cockwren?!

Padrig

If these fine, honest children say that this was done by a fir darrig, then that must have been the case. Why, they would never make up such a story. Everyone knows a fir darrig is a rascal to start with. And if you were to blame him for something he didn't do, well... he could be mean! Even downright spiteful!

Padrig

Careful with them fairies, son.

Piggley

"Fairies"?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.

Padrig

They could be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.

Piggley

[disgusted] Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.

Padrig

Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn you into a bug as well.

Piggley

Ow!

Padrig

Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.

Piggley

[chuckles] Ah, you're just havin' me on. [beat] Aren'tcha?

Padrig

[laughs] Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.

Piggley

Thanks, dad! [runs off, passing Elly] Bye, mam!

Elly

[to Padrig] Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like that for?

Padrig

[laughs] Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!

This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when she walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.

Mr. Trotter... I need your help.

Piggley

[listening to the radio] It's a mysterious lady!

Padrig

Shh.

Helping is my specialty, ma'am.

I think I'm being followed.

Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.

Padrig

Shh.

No... I-- I...

[disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent] Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.

Piggley

No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!

She's not going anywhere with you... Big Sty!!

Elly

[gasps]

Padrig

Shh.

Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!

Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!

Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!

Molly

What's so great about fishing?

Padrig

Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A hat! A red hat!

Padrig

It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.

Padrig

I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.

Ferny

[gasps] Janey Mack!

Piggley

Then what happened, dad?

Padrig

Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.

Piggley

Jakers! A... A merman!

Ferny

Oh... A fishy fello.

Padrig

Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.

Padrig

It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.

Piggley

We don't mind. [has Ferny's voice] We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.

Padrig

It's a lot of responsibility, you know.

Dannan

We love responsibility.

Padrig

I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.

Piggley

We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.

Ferny

Oh! That's a good idea!

Dannan

Oh, that's a great idea!

Padrig

Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!

Piggley

Pleeeaaaase?!

Dannan

Oh, pleeeeaaaase?!

Ferny

Pleeeaaase!

Padrig

We'll see how things go in the morning.

Piggley

Oh... Uh, hi, dad. Um... I can explain. You see--

Padrig

Explain to me how you think you can sit still on a boat, when you can't even stay in bed.

Piggley

But we were getting our--

Padrig

BED.

Piggley

Yes, dad. [returns to bed with Ferny and Dannan]

Padrig

And I don't want to have to come back here again. [leaves]

Ferny

[angry] Janey Mack, Piggley, why did you start a pillow fight?!

Piggley

I didn't start it!

Ferny

Did so!

Piggley

Did not!

Ferny

Did so!

Piggley

Did not!

Ferny

Did so!

Piggley

Did not!

Ferny

Did so!

Dannan

[covers the boys' mouths with her hands] STOOOOOOOP!!!

Padrig

[angry] PIGGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!

Piggley

[turns off the lamp] We're asleep!

Padrig

[from inside] I wouldn't be hearin' children outside, would I?!

Piggley

[heads back in with Ferny and Dannan] We're all asleep, dad!

Piggley

Dad! Wait for us!

Padrig

After playin' around all night, you think you deserve to go with me?

Piggley

But, dad! We weren't playin'!

Padrig

I'm sorry.

Piggley

But the merman!

Padrig

Maybe another time, Piggley.

Padrig

What's all this now?

Padrig

So, is this what you rascals were up to last night? You know, you should all be out pickin' spuds today for keepin' everyone up all night. But I suppose your hearts were in the right place. So, are ya gonna stand there all mornin'... or are we going fishing?

Padrig

Well, Hornsby...

Mr. Hornsby

That's Mr. Hornsby!

Elly

[clears her throat] Would you like some--

Mr. Hornsby

Please raise your hand before speakin'.

Mr. Hornsby

Ohhhh, sit up, young man!

Mr. Hornsby

Who is laughin'?!

Mr. Hornsby

[tuts disappointed] Oh... [starts grading the family one by one] "F", "F", "F"... "F".

Mr. Hornsby

[dramatically clearing his throat] Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-em?! That is one more big... fat... "F".

Padrig

What's all the commotion, then?

Elly

Piggley has let a turkey loose in the kitchen.

Piggley

It's not a turkey! I'd never bring a turkey into the house!

Padrig

You're right, Piggley. It's not a turkey.

Elly

Well, then, what is it?

Piggley

It's a dragon!

Padrig

It's a cygnet. A cygnet is a baby swan.

Piggley

A baby swan?!

Padrig

Now, see here, you ruffians! How dare you break a window, then blame a poor innocent fir darrig for your own mischief! For shame! Shame, I say! [Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan beg] A lifetime of peelin' potatoes is too good for the likes of you!

Piggley

Keep it up, Dad. [he, Ferny, and Dannan go back to begging]

Padrig

It's cleaning the barn for you, top to bottom, spic and span! And none of ya will see the light of day until the barn is as clean as a whistle!

Ferny

Please, sir! Anything but that!

Padrig

It's no use begging for mercy! Me mind's made up!