Mama Tohru quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie

[while fighting in Tohru's ear] Tohru, you must stop Uncle. I am inside your head!

Sensei, Jackie says he is inside my head.

[Uncle gasps] There is no room to grow inside there.

Jade

Tohru's head is going to go Scanner?

Jackie

Thank you, Tohru.

[with Jade's Chi] I just slam-dunked a Chi Sucker! I rule! [begins to dance] Go Tohru! Go Tohru! I'm the bomb!

Hmmm. It appears the Chi transfusion was successful.

Jade

[dancing] Go Jade! Go Jade! Lotta Chi Girl! Saving Tohru!

[with Jade's Chi] How are we gonna save Uncle without Uncle???

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] We must do research!

Jackie

You gotta be kidding me.

[with Jade's Chi; holding an unconscious Uncle] He's starting to go all fang-y.

Jackie

Uncle is turning into the vampire's minion. Use my Chi for the transfusion. [is cuffed by Jade] Ow!

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] I do not know such spells! Jade has Uncle's CHI, not his brains!

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi, after Uncle fully transforms] Aiya! He is a servant to the vampire!

[with Jade's Chi] Duh!

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] We must all reclaim our Chi before sunrise, or it will belong to the Vampire forever!

[with Jade's Chi] You mean I'd be stuck in Jade-mode?

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] You would rather have Uncle's Chi? I cannot stop thinking about digestion!

[in a state of paralysis] My master will drink you dry! Drink you- [mouth covered by Jackie]

Jackie

How do we take back the Chi?

[with Jade's Chi] Easy. We just hunt down Count Jerkula, and... [kicks and punches in the air]

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] No! Magic must defeat magic! We must collect a toadstool from a graveyard, place it inside the vampire's left sock, and throw the sock into a river!

Jackie

... You're making this up.

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] You want to stop the Jiang Shi? Yes? THEN DO WHAT JADE TELLS YOU! One more thing. We must hurry. The sunrise is in thirty minutes!

[with Jade's Chi] Come on Jackie! It's vampire butt-kick time!

Jackie

This is too weird.

[coming upon a large idol of three stone monkeys] There!

Jade

Whoa! Mt. Chimpmore.

The great idol of the Three Wise Monkeys. Legend tells that it is filled with Dark Chi.

Jackie

The idol is evil?

No. Three Wise Monkeys are guardians. Good wizards sealed the Dark Chi within them looking ago, so that humanity may neither see, hear, nor speak of such evil. [shudders] Oh.

What is it, sensei?

The willies!

Daolon Wong

[suddenly appearing] No doubt the forces of light have summoned you here, since I possess the only existing map.

Jackie

Daolon Wong!

Jade

The anti-Uncle!

Jade

DAOLON IS GONE!

As is the idol!

Jade

MOUNT CHIMPMORE IS GONE TOO!

That is what I just said!

Jade

DAOLON IS GONE AND HE TOOK MT. CHIMPMORE WITH HIM!

Aiya! Stop shouting Jade! I am old, not deaf! [Jackie gets Uncles attention, but still cannot speak] Speak up Jackie! I cannot hear you!

[fumbling around with his hands] How can you see through this cloud of Dark Chi?

There is no Dark Chi cloud!

Then why can I not see you?

Jade

UNCLE! NO SOUND IS COMING OUT OF JACKIE'S MOUTH!

[realizing] Because Jackie is mute.

Jade

UNCLE! NO SOUND IS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!

Jade is deaf!

[fumbling with Uncle's face] Sensei?

[muffled] And Tohru is blind!

[wandering around] We are like the three Wise Monkeys!

Jade

WHAT? SPEAK UP TOHRU!

[walking away] I said "We are like the-"

Jade

YO! TOHRU! OVER HERE! I DON'T THINK T CAN SEE!

Why were you not affected, Sensei?

As a student of Master Fong, I am protected by an abundance of Good Chi.

Jade

IF I'M DEAF, AND TOHRU IS BLIND, THAT MEANS UNCLE MUST BE MUTE! [Jackie tries to tell her that he's mute] JACKIE, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, DUH!

Whoa! It's Chan! But bite-sized!

And if we off him when he's little...

He'll never get big!

Destroy him!

Young Jackie

[gasp] Bad day...

These strange men, they appeared out of thin air!

Jade

They used to be men, now they're card-carrying members of the Forces of Darkness.

Stop them Tohru! [Tohru growls, ready to fight, only to be held back by his mother]

My baby will NOT fight Forces of Darkness!

Jade

Uh, maybe we should get Jackie to a doctor.

We must find snake before Dark Forces do, then Uncle will cure Jackie.

Ah, do not worry, I once television program about cobra poisoning. Jackie only at stage one: very slight dryness of mouth.

Jackie

[affixing cloth to his forehead] Y'arrr matey!

Jade

Stage two?

Stark-raving madness.

Jackie

Yo-ho-ho! [begins dancing]

Luckily stage two very brief.

Mother means well, but sometimes I think she forgets that I am a grown man.

Jade

Uh, very grown. When she gets in your face, tell her to give you some space.

She would just take it the wrong way. [sigh] I love her, but sometimes I wish mother would just disappear.

[eavesdropping while invisible] Oh? Be careful what you wish for, Tohru.

Thank you! Merry Christmas! Bye bye! [chuckles]

Jade

Are you sure Uncle isn't running a fever?

Jackie

Jade, Uncle loves Christmas. It is when sales are best. [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

Commercialism not important! Christmas spirit is. [puts Santa Hat on Jackie's head]

[walks in with a tray of cookies] Aah, Mother's recipe.

[obviously lying] Yes. And.. we will be so... happy to see her for the holidays, Tohru.

Jade

Weird.

We must leave some out for you know who.

Jackie

Who? [Tohru grows worried when they see Jade standing behind them] Oh! I mean uh, I am sure Santa will be very hungry tonight. [Tohru chuckles]

Jade

Tch. Nice try. But I'm old enough to know the low down on the Kris Kringle scam.

Jade, you do not believe in Santa Claus?

Jade

Sure I do. Just like I believe the Tooth Fairy, right Jackie?

Jade

Gotcha!

Jackie

I told you the Tooth Fairy was sick and I was filling in.

Tooth fairy does not exist.

Jade

Ha! See?

But Santa Claus does.

Jade

Huh?

I have research to prove it.