Uncle quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie, stop horsing around!

I will transfer the power back into the Ox with Tohru's help. My apprentice will make a fine wizard someday!

You have the willies?

[watching Jade use her laptop] Jade, why did you not tell Uncle your waffle iron was magic?

Jackie

What is it, Uncle?

Come, give Uncle a hug. [Jackie approaches Uncle with open arms, only to be cuffed by him.]

Jackie

Ow!

You did not make coffee this morning. Coffee is the only thing that is keeping Uncle’s ancient heart beating. You want dead Uncle?! No? Then you make coffee!

One more thing. You receive phone call from the university. They want you to translate parchments.

Jackie

Okay.

One more thing. I cannot read these inscriptions. Very old writing. I must go in back to get my journals.

Jackie

Okay.

One more thing. This is Jade, your niece. She will live with you for a year, okay?

Jackie

Okay. [shocked] I have a niece?!

Your cousin Shen's girl from Hong Kong. Jade is not behaving well there; doing poorly in school. Your cousin thinks she will do better in America, with you.

Jackie

Nobody asked me!

Did not want to bother you. Now, you both get acquainted while I go do work.

Jackie

But I don’t know anything about children! [Uncle leaves, leaving him alone with Jade] Uh, hello, I am Jackie. [Jade remains silent, staring at him.] Hmm, no English. [speaking in Chinese.] Ni hao ma? [translates to "How are you?"]

Did they buy anything?

Jackie

No.

You are terrible salesman!

Captain Black

Jackie, I never meant for your family to get involved in this.

Jackie

It’s not your fault. The Dark Hand was after the shield. [Uncle cuffs him.]

I told you! Shield not important! The talisman in the center of the shield is. That is where the magic lies.

Jade

"Danger looms in your future."

We must be very cautious.

Jackie

[skeptical] You listen to a cookie?

Evening, Chan.

Never mock the cookie.

Jackie

Don't eat like a baboon. You should chew your food.

Jade

Hello?! Chew soup?!

Jackie

Help me out here.

She's your niece.

Jackie, why did you steal the Pink Puma? There is no puma in the Chinese zodiac. It has NO magic!

Jackie

I know Uncle, it's... complicated.

One more thing. You are a criminal! You are a very bad influence on Jade!

Jackie

I know, but- that's why I need you to take the next flight here and-

One more thing... oh, wait I am getting another call.

Jackie

No, no, no! Uncle, you don't know how to do that! I am only allowed one phone call-!

Hello, Uncle's Rare Finds. May I help you? [line clicks] Hmm?

One more thing! Stay awake! You break many antiques when you sleepwalk!

Jackie

[yawning] I don't sleepwalk.

So you break my antiques for fun?!

So how was school?

Jade

[in a bad mood] Peachy.

Ah, peachy! One more thing. Did Jackie Find the Rabbit Talisman?

Jade

[voice becomes raspy] I am not Jade. I am Paigon the Powerful, ruler of the Rabbit Realm.

Jade

I must fulfill my destiny or the universe itself will be UN-MADE! RELEASE ME AT ONCE!

Jade

[coughing] Man, that's rough on the throat.

Ms. Hartman

Mr. Chan, this is not the first time we've had a problem with Jade. Swinging from gym lamps, stealth walking with ladders, scaling the building with the fire hose...

Just like Jackie! He reminds me of a chimpanzee!

Jackie

Uncle!

Ms. Hartman

Now I don't know where Jade learned to fight...

From Jackie! He's a good teacher!

Jackie

Uncle, shhhh! Ms. Hartman, I assure you, the martial arts are meant to discipline Jade, not teach her to-

Ms. Hartman

Martial arts? Like karate?

Kung-fu! Best self defense! Whole body becomes a secret weapon!