Dib quotes from Invader Zim

Dib

Joke's on you, Zim! Now you have to find a cure for the bologna thing.

Zim

Fool! You think I would share the cure with you?!? I'll find a cure and keep it all to myself, and then watch you transform more and more into what you really are deep down in your heart.

Dib

Deep down I'm bologna?

Zim

...Yes.

Dib

That's just dumb.

Zim

Dumb like a moose, Dib, dumb like a moose!

Dib

Now what, Zim? What's your next plan?

Zim

lets run away screaming!

Dib

A Colony of horrible Rat People! Hey, do you know the way outta here?

There is no way out, we all got lost here too! And we've been here ever since!

Dib

Oh come on, getting lost in a parking garage did not turn you all into horrible Rat People

I was once, a maaaan!

Dib

But.... You're a woman!

You'll be just like us soon!

Dib

I don't think so, I think I see the Exit over there, see ya!

The school has lost its funding for textbooks. In their place, you'll get wildlife survival manuals. Today, you will all be quizzed on how to skin a moose. [Starts sniffing the air. Ms. Bitters gets onto her desk. She then walks through the classroom, sniffing the air and grunting]

Ms. Bitters, I think there's a skinned moose somewhere in the class! [falls out of his desk, smoke rising from his body.]

Dib? [slithers over to Dib] You stink! Go to the bathroom and roll around in the toilet until you smell better!

Dib

But I'll smell like the toilet.

Exactly.

Dib

But, Willy was the last one to use it. [he points to Willy and distorted music plays]

Now! [Dib obeys]

Zim

Oh, yeah. Dib? Uh, my vengeance is now complete.

Dib

Nope. Still delicious. No one should be this delicious! What's going on?! [sticks his hands in his coat pockets and feels a painful poke] AAH! [the tack falls off from his coat; picks it up and examines it, revealing it to be an alien device] Zim! [later sets up his computer in one of the stalls, hooks up a device to the laptop and sticks the tack into it, then presses a button on top of the device] Computer, analyze. Run a chemical check. Is there any unusual foreign substance on the tack?

Analysis done. Unknown substance detected.

Dib

Then my skin sample. Does it contain the same substance?

Yes. Substance detected in Dib cells.

Dib

So, a foreign DNA sequence! And Zim got it inside me by making me sit on that tack! Computer, where did this DNA originate from?

Analyzing…

Dib

Bologna! Zim has introduced bologna DNA into my body?! Computer, have I absorbed the bologna?

No. Subject Dib has been fused with subject Bologna.

Dib

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zim

[holding up a liquid beaker, now bloated and sausage-shaped] Finally! I think we've done it!

Dib

[snatches the beaker from Zim and chugs it down, then becomes bloated and sausage-shaped like Zim; enraged] Oh, you rotten alien monster!

Zim

This inferior equipment. Irken babies play with more advanced toys.

Dib

Hey, we wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for your stupid evil! This is all your fault! [chases after Zim, run-wobbling down the hallway; pushes him into a tube but ends up falling as well and they fall out of the tube, sending them outside the house; holding Zim down] Now what, Zim? What's your next plan?

Zim

[looks around, seeing all the dogs surrounding them, and thinks they have no choice] Let's run, screaming.

Dib

Sorry... I'm late... horrible... nightmare visions...

Ms. Bitters

It's called life, Dib. Sit down!

Zim

Where are we?

Dib

Some kind of alternate universe. It's based on my imagination somehow.

Zim

And you brought me here?!? You sickening, troublesome human!

Dib

Hey! The only way out is through my head! Anything happens to me and you're stuck here forever!

Zim

Curse yoooouuuu! Wait- I can still do stuff to your legs, right?

Dib

I guess, but- wait! No!

Zim

Gah! Curse yoooouuuu!

Zim

There! That should be wide enough.

Dib

What about me? How do I get back?

Zim

Good question! ...But I don't care!

Dib

MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!!

Zim

I... didn't... say anything about your head.

Dib

You're the only one who can help!

Zim

Help?!? You?!?

Dib

My dad won't let me use his equipment and I need to reverse the effects!

Zim

Help?!? You come to me, your greatest, most amazing enemy? Your future slave master and you ask for help?!?

Dib

You're the only other person with the technology to-

Zim

Be gone with you! I have had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with... CORN!

Dib

...I haven't been eating corn.

Zim

LIAR!!!

Zim

I'm not here because I like you, Dib. I'm just here for your filthy gargantuan head!

Dib

OH! Now It's gargantuan!

Neck blinking boy! [The face on Nightmare Whitecoat Buck's shoulder pad comes alive and takes a bite out of the ice cream. Nightmare white coat Buck punches the face and it makes a high pitched yell. Nightmare white coat Buck takes a bite from the ice cream.] It's time to go!

Dib

Where?

Right through your big head!

Dib

MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!

This young man... [Zim enters] denies your accusation!

Dib

What's he doing here?! He's the alien!

Zim

I came to put a stop to all your alien talk... WHEN WILL THE LIES END?

Zim

I was out playing like any normal Earth larva when he came looking for trouble.

Heyy new kid, give me your lunch moneys!

[with British accent] But I need these monies to buy nutrients.

Give me the moneys or i'll tell everyone you're an alien!

Dib

That's not how it happened!

Restrain him![hear Dib hollering in the backround then the reinactment continues]