Sam Puckett quotes from iCarly

Freddie

Really, you wanna kiss me?

Sam

Are you kidding me, I'd rather... not do that at this time, but thank you for your kind offer.

Freddie

Hello, ladies, or should I say lady and Sam.

Sam

[Carly takes her cheese in a can out of her hand] Hey!

Carly

You can have this back when you learn to use squirt-able cheese responsibly.

Hey, what's going on over here?

Sam

Oh, Carly's brother is making a movie.

Check out this dude! (grabs the alien from the set)

Carly

NO, DON'T TOUCH THAT!!

Spencer

[coming downstairs] Okay, Mr. Space hamster, we're -- [Drops his tools in horror] OHHHHHH MYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOD!!!!! MY MOVIE IS RUINED! I have to start all over again! And my deadline's in less than 24 hours!

Ha, ha, look, its arm came off!

Spencer

Ha, ha, yeah... Why don't you stay for dinner and RIP MY HEART OUT!?

Carly

We got cereal.

Sam

Milk?

Carly

Out of milk.

Sam

I'll use root beer.

Spencer

You guys? Any reason I just found this in my shower?

Carly

Oh, my gosh.

Sam

A chick.

Spencer

Yeah, I picked him up thinking he was a bar of soap. Good thing I realized before… [stops] Never mind.

Sam

But how could there be a…

Carly

Our chicks haven't hatched yet.

Sam

Or…

Carly

WE'RE MOTHERS! [Carly and Sam scream as they run upstairs]

Freddie

I was watching the egg cam. I can't believe they already hatched. Aw, man, did Sam eat 'em?

Sam

I wouldn't eat baby chicks. Raw.

Carly

They escaped.

Freddie

What?

Sam

Spencer found one in the bathroom downstairs, so the other ones could be anywhere in this whole apartment.

Freddie

Wait. I thought newborn chicks have to stay in their incubator.

Carly

They do.

Sam

How long can they be out?

Carly

I don't know. Let's go online and find out. Hurry.

Carly

Just walk towards me, you nutty little chick!

Sam

Try to grab him!

Carly

[sarcastically] Wow, if only I'd thought of that!

Freddie

It says that baby chicks need to be kept at 90 degrees.

Carly

What's the temperature in here?

Spencer

72.

Carly

Turn the heat up to 90!

Spencer

90 degrees?

Sam

No, 90 pickles. Yes, 90 degrees!

Spencer

No need to be hurtful.

Freddie

You know, they say when a girl constantly rips on a guy, it really just means she has a crush on him.

Sam

Yeah, but I wasn't ripping on a guy...I was ripping on you.

Sam

First off, Carly said the shirt was no big deal. And the tickets I got were for Cuttlefish, a concert that Carly told me she was dying to go to. It's her favorite band.

Freddie

Let the record show that Carly is fond of Cuttlefish.

Sam

So yeah, I traded the shirt, but it was to get something Carly wanted a lot. Something the two of us could've done together. And Carly refused to go to the concert so--

Carly

I would've gone with you if you'd just apologized.

Sam

Um, she interrupted me. Yank her ponytail.

Freddie

Nah, I'm gonna allow it.

Sam

Why?

Freddie

Because I love her.

Well, you know when you put out a new shoe, they always have a few minor problems.

Sam

"Minor"?

Freddie

What would be a major problem?

Carly

If they came to life in the middle of the night and ate your family?

I live alone.

[while the Daka Employees are giving the group money] Blueberry muffin?

[takes one, but the Daka President slaps his hand] I'm stupid.

Sam

Keep it coming...

Freddie

This is good.

Carly

This is fun. This is a fun time.

Mr. Howard

Well, tough kumquats.

Sam

Tough what?

Mr. Howard

[rips the face guard from Sam hitting him with a football] Ow! Kumquats! Oh!

Sam

Kumquats?

Sam

Hey.

Freddie

Hello, Sam.

Freddie

I did something bad to get detention.

Sam

What did you do?

Freddie

You'll see.

All right, class, everyone please sit.

Gibby

What for?

Freddie

Just do it! Go!

Gibby

Hey, Mr. Palladino, can you staple these papers together?

Sam

Wow. You are a maniac.

I'm sorry, Gibby. I can't find the stapler.

Freddie

That's right, cause I took it.

Ah, yes. Thank you, Freddie. There you are, Gibby.

Gibby

Here.

Freddie

Keep them.

Sam

Dude, this is the principal's office!

Freddie

I know! I'm so bad. Look what I did! [pulls up the window blinds to reveal a spray-painted insult]

Sam

[reading the words on the window] "Freddie says: Principal Franklin-

"-sucks eggs!"

Freddie

Ha, ha!

Sam

Impressive, that might get you double detention!

Freddie

Yep! When Principal Franklin sees that, you better believe he's gonna--

Mr. Howard

I have ears like a hawk! I distinctly heard laughter! And I hate laughter!

Sam

I thought you hated your wife.

Mr. Howard

Her, too! Now keep your mouths shut! [closes the door and leaves]

Carly

[as she and Sam look at the camera; sarcastically] Isn't he "charming"?