Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

Freddie

Oh, there you are. Hey, did you check out that video I sent the guy can fit a whole grapefruit... Hey. Hey, are you crying?

Carly

Just leave me alone.

Carly

Thanks, Mitch.

Thank you.

Carly

Why thank me?

'Cause, if it wasn't for you, I would have never gotten my wings. (the computer screen shifts down to show a plate of chicken wings)

Carly

...Chicken wings?

Merry Christmas, Carly.

Carly

Merry Christmas, Mitch.

Carly

You handcuffed her to Gibby?!

Freddie

She put a dead fish in my locker!

Sam

Gibby's WAY worse than a dead fish!

Gibby

My mom thinks I'm awesome!

Gibby

[screams and runs away after being handcuffed to Sam for an extended period of time]

Carly

Like Gibby's therapist didn't have enough to deal with!

Sam

[after Freddie shows himself to the audience] That was Freddie, who, last week, handcuffed me to a nerd. So now guess what?... [pause] Freddie's never kissed a girl. Never. Not once. I heard him say so myself and Carly's a witness. Okay, Later. [walks away]

Carly

[running after Sam] Sam! SAM! YOU JUST RUINED FREDDIE'S LIFE! [Freddie drops the camera he is holding.]

Carly

You are gonna start with building up some muscle.

Spencer

I have muscle.

Carly

Do you?

Spencer

Yes.

Carly

Then take off your shirt and jump up and down.

Spencer

I don't wanna.

Carly

Why not?

Spencer

'Cause I'll jiggle.

Sam

Hey, sorry I'm late!

Carly

[filling the bowl with meatballs without looking up] You're always late.

Sam

So? It's cool. The show doesn't start for 3 more minutes. Where's Fred-weird?

Carly

Freddie's not coming.

Sam

What? Okay, he stayed home from school all week, he missed two iCarly rehearsals, and now he's gonna miss the show? That's so unprofessional. [takes a bite out of a meatball and puts it back]

Carly

You really hurt him. Every time he leaves the house, he gets teased cause you told the whole world he's never kissed anyone. You know he won't even talk to his mom? He just sits on the fire escape, alone, 'cause he's too embarrassed to see anyone. [walks over to Freddie's tech cart] You, like, ruined his whole life, and you don't even care.

Sam

Alright. I'll go apologize.

Carly

It doesn't even matter if you apologize. Kids are still gonna give him a hard time, 'cause you can't take back what you said.

Sam

Look, I didn't m--

Carly

[interrupts Sam] You went too far this time! And you can't fix it. [phone beeps] We gotta start the show.

Sam

[depressed] Well how can I do the show now that you made me feel all depressed?

Carly

I dunno just get in front of the camera and do it. In 5-4-3-2--

Carly

And now, what you've all been waiting for...

Sam

Carly and I are about to have our very first...

MEATBALL WAR!

Sam

We got our slingshots.

Carly

And a hundred meatballs!

Sam

But, um... before we start our meatball war... I wanna say something. [stops music] On the last iCarly... I told you guys that Freddie never kissed anyone. And that was really personal, and I shouldn't have said it on the show. And for all you people out there who've been teasing Freddie about it, lay off, because I bet a whole lot of you haven't kissed anyone either; Including me. Yeah. That's right, I've never kissed anyone. So if you want to tease someone about it, tease me...which is a bad idea unless you live near a hospital!

Carly

Um, our meatball war will be happening soon, but for now, please enjoy this photo of a man with shrimp up his nose.

Carly

Are you ready, Nevel?

Nevel

[sarcastically] Yes, my heart is pounding.

Sam

Good, maybe it'll explode.

Nevel

I didn't come here to be insulted.

Carly

(Interrupting Freddie) Wait a minute... why do you have that printed out?

Nevel

Because I like to print things.

Freddie

No... you'd only print that out if you knew you were gonna need it.

Sam

Yeah. How did you know there was gonna be a problem getting you the car?

Nevel

Oh, please. I don't have time to be interviewed.

Carly

Okay, so where's our couch?

Spencer

YOU KNOW THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN COUCHES, OKAY?!

Carly

What?

Spencer

I don't know...

Carly

What's wrong with you, Nevel?! Why is your lifelong dream to get rid of iCarly?!

Nevel

It's not. My lifelong dream is to open my own haberdashery.

Freddie

What is a haberdashery?

Nevel

Oh, why does EVERYONE ask that?! [starts to walk off, but goes back to them and talks fast] ...A haberdashery is a men's retail shop that sells men's accessories such as wallets, hats, buttons, belts, ribbons, and zippers!

Nevel

What, and you think that rolling space turd will get iCarly off the hook?

Carly

Yeah.

Sam

We think it will. (to Carly) Carly, would you say this vehicle is... unique?

Carly

Oh, it is clearly unique. (to Freddie) Freddie, has it ever been state registered?

Freddie

Why, no, Carly, it hasn't.

Carly

You think he hit 25 miles an hour?

Spencer

Oh, yeah.

You can't do that kind of damage to a flower shop unless you doing at least 25. (an ambulance can be heard off screen)

Sam

Where'd you guys get those ice pops?

Spencer

Over there.

Spencer

I think someone broke your yo-yo.

Carly

I think you need to go downstairs.