Hey, Karate Kid's a great movie. It's the story of a hopeful young karate enthusiast whose dreams and moxie take him all the way to the All Valley Karate Championship. Of course, sadly, he loses in the final round to that nerd kid. But, he learns an important lesson about gracefully accepting defeat.
Lily
Wait, when you watch The Karate Kid, you actually root for that mean blond boy?
No, I root for the scrawny loser from New Jersey who barely even knows karate. When I watch The Karate Kid, I root for the karate kid: Johnny Lawrence from the Cobra Kai dojo. Get your head out of your ass, Lily.
I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one, super volcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the earth. Number three, all footage of Evil Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
[cuts in] Whoa whoa, settle down for a minute! I only have one question: [Turns to Marshall, asking about the nightshirts they are wearing] How do these bad boys feel in bed?
So if it weren't for you, Ted and I would still be dating?
Lily
OR you would have stayed together far too long, had an incredibly bitter breakup and not even remain friends and [teary eyed, to Robin] you and I would never have become best friends.
Stop hugging! Lily, you had no right to interfere in my relationships. You got lucky, okay? You met the love of your life in a dorm hallway when you were 18, but that doesn't give you the right to play God to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone. You are so concerned with about who you and Marshall are gonna end up in that front porch with-you know what, you can have it to yourselves. [leaves living room]
No, Marshall, you must! And after an appropriate number of years you should find someone else - someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time and...plow her like a cornfield. [hiccups and dies; Marshall cries]
[at Lily's funeral]
PPastor
...and so Marshall, to honor Lily, you must find that busty delivery girl from that one time, and plow her like a cornfield. [Ted, Robin, and Barney comfort Marshall, who's still crying]
[An appropriate number of years later, Marshall hears a knock at the door and opens it to reveal the delivery girl]
Well, I wanted to go a party and he wanted to go dancing, but we couldn't both do something only one of us wanted to do, so we just stayed home and fell asleep watching a movie.
[after recounting all the times she flashed the "You're Dead To Me" look at anybody] I supported you with all those random people, but this is your father, Lily. Can't we at least, give him some turkey?
Come on Lily, please. I can't ask the guy to leave on Thanksgiving.
Lily
Oh, you don't have to ask. Just tell him it's really important for him to be here, and before you know it, he'll be at the Board Game Convention in Toledo giving your braces money to some guy claiming to be Milton Bradley.
I'm not saying Marshall's a guy who likes pizza, but last time he went in for a physical, doctor says 'Marshall you've gotta stop eating pizza.' Marshall says 'Why?' Doc says 'So I can examine you!' But seriously, we kid because we love.
All right, look, the reason that I don't have any money on me is because...I got mugged. [long pause] Can somebody please pay Arthur, all right? I'm starving!! [to Arthur, kindly] How's your dad by the way?
[enters with balloons] Uncle Teddy's here. [Marshall and Lily scream] Quick question. How are you guys going to handle the whole Santa thing? I'm thinking just be honest. Aw, Hell. I'll dress up. [TV turns on, showing Robin. Marshall and Lily scream again]
This just in... is what Marshall Eriksen is about to say to his wife as he attempts to impregnate her. Chopper 12 is live on the scene with Baby Watch 2010. [Gang sees live footage of helicopter just outside the room's window]
AAARGH! [stands up] I can't think straight! Why do you have to wear that shirt? [referring to Lily's shirt showing much cleavage] This is NOT HOW I THOUGHT THIS NIGHT WAS GOING TO GO!
Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home, he finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad, and he watched James meet his real father, it's just a lot to go through in one afternoon. Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?
How I Met Your Mother · 439 quotes
Lily
