Why are you giving me these?
Because, while they're off running all these tests, you will be submitting the insurance forms.
There's an entire department for that.
Exactly. The Foreman Department. Of which you are the foreman, Foreman.
S7 E12You Must Remember This
S7 E13Two Stories
Any questions?
AAlex
[raises his arm] What's a vibrator?
SSophie
Isn't that like sexual harassment?
Not if you are good-looking.
[after House tells the class about the lung]
SSophie
How is that even possible?
That's what she said. [after noticing that the class keeps looking at him] No, she did literally say that.
[flashback] How is that even possible?
Who password protects a computer they keep in a locked desk in a locked office?
Someone who works with someone who thinks it's okay to break into other people's homes.
I just need some time alone.
Because I used your toothbrush?!
And you didn't take out the trash.
That's insane. You know that, right?
You do whatever you want. Always.
I said I was sorry! I was still half asleep. I wasn't paying attention!
And you're always right. And not only do always think you're right. But you are actually always right, because that's all that matters.
That doesn't even make sense. What, you want me to be wrong?
I want you to care about more than just what you want. What you think. You need me, House. And you may even love me, but you don't care about me, and I deserve someone who does.
FMs. Fields
Dr. House, can I ask you a question? Are you insane or just stupid?
Is there a third option?
FFields
Actually, I don't think there is.
I'm sorry. I just wasn't thinking. I mean, I was, but only about myself, which is apparently the way I am. Usually. Not always. I need to convince someone of that.
FFields
And you think you can do that by getting someone to pull strings to get her daughter into our pre-school. I spoke to Sanford Wells.
You can call the police. You can turn me in for lying at the accident.
FFields
I'm sure Mr. Dryden has already taken care of that.
Let her daughter in. She's a great kid and Dr. Cuddy is a great mom. They'll fit in perfectly here.
FFields
And how exactly does admitting her daughter prove how unselfish you are? It seems like you're still doing it to help yourself, not anyone else.
I don't know. I just know that I need to do something. I need her in my life. Do you know what it's like to actually need someone?
FFields
Yes. I do. But I also know what it's like to have responsibilities. Maybe it's time you grew up.
S7 E14Recession Proof
House! I assume you're avoiding me because of the charity gala.
This Friday? It's completely slipped my mind.
So you'll be there?
No, I meant it slipped my mind to tell you I'm not going.
What do you think it'll look like if you don't show up when I get an award?
Like I don't give a crap about awards, charities, what it looks like.
If you ever want…
I RSVPed two days ago. What, you think I'm a complete ass?
If you were already going, why did you…
Foreplay.
Are you wearing my tie?
Oh, I saw it in your closet, and it happened to match my shirt.
Why were you in my closet?
Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
Obviously, he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.
Looking forward to Friday night?
Yes and no. Yes, because it is a great honor, and no because… Well, you know the because.
You think House is going to embarrass you.
Well, not intentionally. [glances at Wilson] Maybe intentionally.
Do you even like me?
Why?
I put making friends and having relationships on hold so I could concentrate on studying. I always thought there'll be plenty of time for that in the future. But… now when I do want them… I can't even get a date to this charity event. If I can't establish relationships in my personal life, how will I ever do it with a patient?
Be honest with her. But if it comes down to a choice between the brutal truth and hope: side with hope.
[knocks repeatedly on Cuddy's door until she opens it] We really, really need to talk.
You're drunk and you screwed up big time. Go home! [House walks in, Cuddy closes the door] You completely disappeared on me! You wouldn't even answer your cell phone.
You're going to want to sit down for this. [motions toward the sofa] Go ahead. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit. I have made a decision. Being happy and being in love with you makes me a crappy doctor.
Shut up. You're too drunk to end this relationship.
I am drunk, and I'm also right. You have made me a worse doctor, and people are going to die because of that. [long pause] And you are totally worth it. If I had to choose between saving everyone or loving you and being happy, I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you. [sits in the sofa, lays his head down in Cuddy's lap]
S7 E15Bombshells
Did you actually wake up early and hide under the bed just to scare the crap outta me?
Set an alarm and everything.
It's like dating a ten-year-old.
God, I hope not.
[In a sitcom style similar to Two and a Half Men. Applause; knock on door]
I'll get it!
[off screen] That better be her.
[Wilson opens the door. A police officer and a little girl wearing flannel with a stripe of pink in her hair are standing in the hallway. The audience oohs.]
Rachel Cuddy, you were supposed to be home half an hour ago.
Don't blame me; he's the one who wouldn't run any red lights.
[The audience laughs. The police officer walks Rachel inside the apartment.]
OOfficer
The mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela. Where'd she learn that?
[House enters blowing a bubble with gum. The audience cheers wildly.]
I don't know why you're here, but I didn't do it.
What's the problem, officer?
OOfficer
She was shoplifting down at the mall. Are either of you this girl's father?
Nope! But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off. [walks over to the door and sees the officer out] Officer, you have my word it won't happen again, 'cause next time she won't get caught.
[House slams the door shut behind the officer, then turns and high-fives Rachel. They hug. Wilson shrugs and joins in on the hug. Cuddy then wakes up from her dream, gasping and staring at the medication on her nightstand.]
Do you want me to quote from First Corinthians? 'Cause I can do that.
As a Jew, I'm gonna have to decline that offer.
Don't know what you're missing. St. Paul was really on his game.
What is it with you and this kid?
He's doggy-paddling in a sea of misery.
How far did you have to reach back for that memory? Last night? Sometimes I hear you in the living room watching TV at 3:00 a.m.
That's when classic Doctor Who comes on the BBC.
Yeah, if only they had some device that allowed you to record them and watch them another time.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.