House · Season 7
Wilson.
It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.
No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.
Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.
[about Driscoll] Military history. In suspiciously good shape for his age. Makes a living bullying kids. I'm thinking… steroids?
Fascinating.
[smiles] Thanks. We can wean him off...
Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little. I'm guessing too little.
[about Masters] She's brilliant, but new to the real world.
How do you cheat on a test when there's no test?
Sorry, not playing. [gets up, grabs his lab coat, and leaves his office with House following behind him.] Go away, House. [puts on his lab coat while walking] I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
But it's been working so well. Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. The problem is, Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
Cuddy cares about her. Which means When Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. And as the boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive, consoling...
Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
Play date being their code for way to weed out the paste sandwiches. They'll hand her puzzles and counting games, and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces. [gets an idea and turns & walks off]
Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker!
[Foreman calls House on his cell phone as House is at a playground]
House, where are you?
Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.
Everywhere you looked, gingham and stuffed animals.
How did you get out of there?
I didn't… right away. Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.
One down, two members of the threesome to go. You should flip a condom to choose.
[House and his team are watching television in the morgue]
[whispers] Is no one going to tell me.. [House shushes her as he watches television] Why we're in the morgue?
House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors…
You bugged the room?
I absolutely, without apology, will admit that someone may have allegedly done so.
Am I a horrible person? I used to win awards for volunteer work. I went to Guatemala and fixed cleft palates. Now we're sitting back letting Chase do our dirty work.
We're doing the right thing. Stay out of it.
I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore. Then this thing with the kid, Rachel's brother...
Stay out of that too. A: radiologists — experts, unlike you — said no bleed. B: you yourself said it's probably not. C: you've got no doctor-patient relationship. D: you'll lose your consulting job. E: your ex will kill you. F: I'm running out of alphabet here.
I asked you before why you were tough on me.
I wasn't.
You were. And I know why. You see something in me that you didn't see in Julia and you didn't see in you — a type of ambition, a type of brains. That's why you rode me. You made me yearbook editor, summa undergrad, A.O.A. in med school. The only time I ever see light in your eyes is when you hear me talking about my job. The reason you keep coming to see me in the clinic is because you trust me. You trust my medical judgment. So here it is. If you transfer to Princeton General, you'll be treated well, and you'll die. If you stay here with House, you'll be treated badly, but you'll live. I don't care if I have to slash the tires of every ambulance in this bay, Mom. I am not letting you leave my hospital.
Once again, you are unfired.
Why?
You sold me out even though you knew that you were gonna get thrown out of med school. That's just… kind of impressive.
I keep my job if I stand up to you. I keep it if I don't. I… don't buy it.
When Cuddy was protecting me before, she was protecting a doctor. She's now protecting a boyfriend. The hospital's not gonna put up with that for long. So I need you to protect me from doing something Cuddy will regret.
Picture a door. Unlocked with the key of the mind. Two medical cases, both more fascinating than the last.
That actually makes no logical sense.
This is not a door to logical sense. Also, shut up.
What about a tutor?
I don't need a tutor.
Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.
Foreman.
Interesting. You must be more worried than you look.
I'm totally fine. I aced my first pathology boards.
Medicine's come a long way in the last hundred years.
You're nothing but excuses and distractions.
Well, it's a nice match with your condescension and superiority.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
