Rachel quotes from House ... TV Quotes Database

[Texting between Taub and Rachel; then House and Rachel when he steals phone]

Taub

Whatcha doing?

Rachel

groceries.

Taub

What r u wearing?

Rachel

U don't want to know.

House

Take off your shirt.

Rachel

R u nuts?

House

Touch yourself.

[Rachel smiles, contemplates. Back in House's office]

Taub

House! It's not funny. I got enough problems already.

House

Trust me, this is gonna help.

S6 E16 Black Hole

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[In a sitcom style similar to Two and a Half Men. Applause; knock on door]

Wilson

I'll get it!

House

[off screen] That better be her.

[Wilson opens the door. A police officer and a little girl wearing flannel with a stripe of pink in her hair are standing in the hallway. The audience oohs.]

Wilson

Rachel Cuddy, you were supposed to be home half an hour ago.

Rachel

Don't blame me; he's the one who wouldn't run any red lights.

[The audience laughs. The police officer walks Rachel inside the apartment.]

OOfficer

The mouth on that kid makes Mel Gibson sound like Nelson Mandela. Where'd she learn that?

[House enters blowing a bubble with gum. The audience cheers wildly.]

House

I don't know why you're here, but I didn't do it.

Wilson

What's the problem, officer?

OOfficer

She was shoplifting down at the mall. Are either of you this girl's father?

House

Nope! But since her mom died, she's my favorite tax write-off. [walks over to the door and sees the officer out] Officer, you have my word it won't happen again, 'cause next time she won't get caught.

[House slams the door shut behind the officer, then turns and high-fives Rachel. They hug. Wilson shrugs and joins in on the hug. Cuddy then wakes up from her dream, gasping and staring at the medication on her nightstand.]

S7 E15 Bombshells

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[Rachel is watching an adult pirate cartoon]