So this time I'm gonna put you at ease. It's just you and ol' Doc House. A couple of pals chittin' the chat.
Why not just place a chair above a trap door with a shark tank underneath?
Wednesday is when I get my shark tank cleaned.
S7 E4Massage Therapy
KKelly
Normal EKG. No osler nodes.
Right, Dr. Kelly!
Kelly's her first name.
What's your point, Dr. Robert?
[to Foreman] So who gives a crap if I prepped her?
Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.
Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?
We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.
You especially why?
What do you mean why? Because I'm...
You're what? You're my boss or something?
Something like.
So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.
I am at a different level.
Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.
It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.
Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.
You know what, I'm back to the Cameron theory. That you hired the dumb version of Cameron so that you could fire her and get revenge.
Give her a break.
Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen…
I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.
You are a true leader of men.
S7 E5Unplanned Parenthood
[to House] You told me you gave them your credit card...
And you were dumb enough to believe me. [Wilson walks into the house and sees Rachel. House picks up his jacket] Cuddy'll be back in an hour and ten minutes, I'll be back in an hour and five.
[follows House to the door] Ohhh, no, you don't.
Oh, yes, I do.
You're not gonna leave the kid?
Yes, I am. [begins putting on his coat] 'Cause unlike you, I don't have a conscience.
[tries to get past House to the door] And unlike you, I'm not having sex with Cuddy, so I actually can leave.
So what do you guys think of Dr. Cheng?
Best treatment for a vascular malformation is surgery. And I think your wife thinks you shouldn't think anything of Dr. Cheng.
[to Chase] So, what was that shrug? A "Dr.-Cheng-could-work" shrug? Or a "House-is-gonna-crush-you-for-even-considering-her" shrug? [Chase shrugs again] You suck.
House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire [gesticulates wildly] ...anyone.
So you think I should abstain? Just give the decision back to him?
Then he'll just mock you for being a wuss. You're screwed.
Hey, hey, hey! You are not going to pin this on me. Rachel needs to be monitored for 24 hours to see that the dime passes. You know, just to make sure she doesn't die.
You're telling me to do the right thing while climbing out a window?!
[to House] If Rachel wakes up, she's gonna tell Cuddy everything.
She's two! Last night, she was whining about the giant moose that lives outside her window.
S7 E6Office Politics
[to Cuddy] Just because my sausage has been filling your bun doesn't mean you get to decide what flavor chips I nosh on during the day.
Nope, I get to do that because I'm your boss.
Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?
I tried calling him on the brotha hotline. He didn't pick up.
Say something brilliant.
Oh, I, I don't...
Capital of Azerbaijian?
Baku.
Year Beethoven died?
1827.
Twentieth decimal of Eulier's Number?
Six. [giggles] It's my favorite constant.
She's like the Internet with breasts. Oh, no, wait--the Internet has breasts.
How mad would you be if I fired Masters?
Very. Unless you had cause. Real cause. Cause that a human being would consider cause.
Never mind, then.
You'll figure something out. The two of you have a combined IQ north of 300.
That's also true of five morons.
S7 E7A Pox on Our House
Why aren't you guys in my office?
Why are you in the building? It's 8:00 in the morning.
Where's Chase?
He's not here because it's 8:00 in the morning.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.