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House

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S5 E17The Social Contract

My whole life is one big compromise. I tiptoe around everyone like they're made of china. I spend all my time analyzing what will the effect will be if I say this. Then there's you, you're a reality junkie. If I offered you a comforting lie, you'd smack me over the head with it. Let's not change that.

Okay.

No. See this - if you were implementing the social contract, you'd say that but only because it makes me feel better.

It is kind of fun watching you torture yourself.

Do you think things will work out with my brother?

No... But when it does go wrong it won't be your fault.

Thanks House.

S5 E18Here Kitty

You have a patient waiting, see?

I'm waiting for a follow-up.

If you're talking about Mr. Kasden, he has a 'deceased' sticker on his file, as do all the other follow-ups you have scheduled for today.

[Mockingly] So, you think this cat story is nonsense, and you admit she faked her earlier symptoms, but you still think she's actually sick now?

Well, anything would sound ridiculous if you said it in that voice.

Confirm she's faking, or I'm going to have to kick her out.

There's that voice again.

I'll give you 24 hours.

Consecutive?

[to Taub] Is it related to your money worries?

What money worries?

Extrapolating from the fact that he's been skipping his morning muffin, I'd say that he lost almost all his money on the market last year.

I'm on a diet.

I'm also extrapolating from the online portfolio you forgot to log off. But mostly the muffins.

Why are you pushing a crash cart?

Because patients sometimes crash, and they haven't yet invented a crash tractor for me to drive wildly around the hallways.

[House has just yelled at Kutner for leaving cat pee on his chair, but left without taking further action.]

Why are you still alive?

I'm not sure.

I think he was impressed you stood up to him. And that you got a cat to pee on his chair.

[meaningfully] Right. A cat.

[Kutner departs, leaving Thirteen flabbergasted as she realizes what may have actually happened.]

S5 E19Locked In

Hey, genius. I think it violates certain ethical laws to rip the organs out of a guy who's still alive. Possibly even certain law laws, too.

Your crash was 10 miles from the Orange County Progressive Pain Clinic.

You live 10 miles from Mary's Dress Shop. Yet that's not even on my list of reasons that I think you're secretly a transvestite.

[Lee is in the OR with Chase]

We're going to put you out, just so we can drill the hole.

LLee

[thinking] Oh, that's very thoughtful of you.

LLee

How come I'm not better? God's not supposed to work in trial and error.

God's mistakes are well-documented. If he'd done everything right the first time, there'd have been one plague and zero great floods.

The infection destroyed your liver which released toxins that caused the locked-in syndrome. You were dying of a paper cut.

S5 E20Simple Explanation

She claims he got stronger as soon as she stopped breathing.

The mind can heal the body. Seeing his wife in distress might have actually have slowed down his death.

Or he just had an adrenaline surge when he saw his chance to hit the singles' market.

I'm sorry. I've hired a grief counselor, whom I'm sure none of you will see. And I'm offering time off, which I'm sure none of you will take, but just know it's available.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Thanks. It's not my loss.

Then I'm sorry you don't think it is.

If he'd thought like me then he'd have known that living in misery sucks marginally less than dying in it.

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