People should not be testing drugs because they're desperate. But, people won't test drugs unless they're desperate. We need drugs to save children and puppies, ergo we need desperate people, ergo welfare kills sick children.
S5 E3Adverse Events
How'd you know that I liked roses?
I was in your house last night.
I know "heart" and "head" start with the same three letters, but you gotta read all the way to the end.
You know, people hate people who have theories about people.
S5 E4Birthmarks
[to Wilson] My mom didn't call Cuddy, she called you! I knew you couldn't stay away. I knew you loved me too much.
[to Wilson] My ringtone for you is "Dancing Queen" by ABBA.
NNicole
People stare at me any time I'm out with my family. It's like a puzzle: which one of these things doesn't belong?
Belonging's overrated. I was adopted by a white family when I was nine. I like being different the view's better from the outside looking in.
Differential. Say you're a middle-aged Chinese woman..
Fine.
Say it.
"I'm a middle-aged Chinese woman."
Well, I guess nobody gets to choose who their parents are. I'm not even sure anymore we get to choose who our friends are. [House glances up at him questioningly] I spoke with Cuddy, she hasn't filled my position yet.
If you're coming back just because you're attracted to the shine of my neediness... [Wilson smiles] ...I'd be okay with that.
I'm coming back because you're right. That strange annoying trip we just took was the most fun I've had since Amber died.
[gives him a long look] You hungry?
[nods]
[The two proceed to leave House's office]
[pauses] Wilson.
[Wilson looks at him] Yeah?
My dad's dead.
Yeah. My sympathies.
S5 E5Lucky Thirteen
People interest me, conversations don't.
Because conversations go both ways.
BBoth
Like Thirteen.
You're fired.
What? You just defended me!
No, I just prevented you from getting a drug test. Probably saved your career. I'm already taking responsibility for one doctor with a drug habit. [takes a Vicodin pill]
I don't have a drug habit!
The slutty party girl is fun till she pukes on your shoes. Then she's just a pain in the ass.
What does that even mean, "dating a hooker"?
He's an idiot with a messiah complex. Saviour to all who need saving. That's why his first wife had a wooden leg, second wife was Canadian. He's the one who needs to be saved.
From you or the ho?
The ho's just using him for his money. [pauses] Wait, bad example.
Normally in these situations, I'd follow the girl, find something embarrassing to show him. But since that's our starting position...
[to Thirteen] Why not men? You're bisexual. If you were just being self-destructive, you'd be having random sex with men. Better chance of getting assaulted, catching a disease. If this were just about getting laid, it'd be a lot easier to pick up men. Or ugly girls. This woman's hot. Which means you like the challenge, the conquest. It's the control that gets you off. And controlling women is as close as you can get to controlling what's gonna happen to you.
Here I thought I was just into boobs.
[to Thirteen] You're gonna keep spiraling. Keep screwing around. Keep slashing away at every person who tries to help until no one tries to help anymore. Till you hit bottom. Till you're dead. Until then... I can use you.
S5 E6Joy
Thirty-seven-year-old male with recurring blackouts.
Tell him to switch from tequila to bourbon. Worked for me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.