TV show quotes
Now, tell me, Hogan. Do you have any idea of where I might find that "ammunition"?
Yeah. In a museum, after the war.
I am going to order a thorough investigation into this matter, Hogan!
I don't think you will, General.
Oh, really? And what makes you so sure?
When you steal from a thief, one thing's for sure; he'll never call the cops.
[Colonel Wembley of British Army Intelligence and a radio operator are baffled at a message being sent over radio by a Royal Navy submarine, which is relaying information from Colonel Hogan at Stalag 13.]
I thought we weren't giving our messages in code, sir.
Perhaps Hogan has forgotten that. Would you look up "chimpanzee" in the code book, Sergeant?
[Checks the code book] "Chimpanzee" is not part of the code, sir.
I've no idea what the message is at all.
The chimpanzee will be wearing a fatigue uniform with sergeant's stripes and answers to the name of "Freddy."
I've heard of Yankee ingenuity, but this is ridiculous!
What am I? A zookeeper, or the head of a POW camp?! He just doesn't understand my problems! It's so easy for him to give orders, and he expect miracles! General Burkhalter is so... he's so-
German.
Exactly! [Pauses] Hogan, please don't cause any more trouble; it's enough for one day.
Gestapo man came to camp and I wasn't told?! Where was I?
Listening to the World Series, with the rest of us.
Well. First things first.
Hogan, I want my car!
You'll have it, sir, sooner than you expect.
How can it be sooner than I expect when it is already later than I thought?! Hogan, I have a dinner date, and I want my car by 7 o'clock!
You'll have it, sir, you have my promise.
I can have your promise anytime I want; this time I want my car!
Oh, General Burkhalter! What a pleasure to see you!
Klink! Why is it that you get more of a pleasure seeing me then I do seeing you?
Now, I understand that General von Trager appreciates all of the good things in life.
Then why is he staying here?
I must tell you, Herr General, that I am not the greatest bridge player in the world.
Have you ever played with grown ups before, sir?
The Blue Baron is leaving.
Hogan, where's my car? You promised it would be parked and waiting for me. It is not parked and waiting for me. Why isn't it, and where is it?
Well, I-
"8:00," you said. "Promise?" I said? "On my word of honor," you said. "8:00 sharp," I said. "Not one second later," you said.
Did I say a.m. or p.m.?
It is now 9:30.
Colonel Klink, I want you to know I understand your annoyance.
Oh, I understand it, too. But what I don't understand is where's my car?
Well, let's be fair now. Do you by any chance recall what you wanted done to the car?
To have it washed.
And waxed. Don't shrug off the toughest part. Do you know how long it takes for a good wax job? I've never heard anything more ridiculous!
Hogan, I have to pick up General Burkhalter at the station in 45 minutes.
General Burkhalter?
Yes.
Your car will be ready.(Rushes to the door)
Without fail?
Put yourself in my hands.(Rushes outside)
The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous!
Ya, I could not believe it myself, but you were here. You heard the phone ring. You saw me write down the message, so you know I'm not crazy.
Yes, I heard the phone ring. I saw you say "mares eat oats." And I watched you eat a wad of paper.
The plans, you gave him the plans!
Those plans are for a dirigible, a big bag filled with hot air, just like you!
What good are enemies if you can't depend on 'em?
How did you know the Colonel was gonna accept the assignment?
Easy. I read it in his face. Every time there's a tough one, his left eyebrow goes up.
Sir, it may cost a lot more, but may I remind you, we have never had an escape at Stalag 13!
Then perhaps you should! It might be cheaper.
[...]
Klink, I warn you: Keep expenses down, get your house in order, or the next time you want caviar, you won't have to import it. You can catch your own on the Volga.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hogan's Heroes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
