General Burkhalter quotes from Hogan's Heroes

Klink

Sir, it may cost a lot more, but may I remind you, we have never had an escape at Stalag 13!

General Burkhalter

Then perhaps you should! It might be cheaper.

General Burkhalter

Klink, I warn you: Keep expenses down, get your house in order, or the next time you want caviar, you won't have to import it. You can catch your own on the Volga.

Klink

Well, I don't have to tell you how lucky a man would have to be to get Gertrude for a wife. She's a wonderful woman. Jolly disposition- great shot-putter.

General Burkhalter

Get to the point!

Klink

Well, sir, this is very difficult for me to say, but- I feel in my heart that I am not worthy of Gertrude.

General Burkhalter

I feel the same way.

Klink

Then why do you want me to marry her?

General Burkhalter

Are you crazy, Klink?! It's my niece Frieda and she's marrying Count von Hertzel!

Klink

[Trying to hide his relief] Count von Hertzel?

General Burkhalter

You thought I would ever let a Burkhalter marry a Klink?

Klink

But I understand Count von Hertzel is going to the Russian front!

General Burkhalter

He has changed his mind. I mean, uh, his orders have been changed.

General Burkhalter

"And, effective immediately, all military establishments on the home front will give senior non-commissioned officers command training, with full responsibility and authority." There it is.

I can't believe it. This order is insane, absolutely insane!

General Burkhalter

It is signed "Adolf Hitler".

Insane, yet, sane.

General Burkhalter

What she needs right now is consolation, Klink.

Klink

I understand, sir.

General Burkhalter

And you are the man to help her in this difficult time.

Klink

Me? I can hardly console myself!

General Burkhalter

I have arranged a nice, quiet table for the two of you at the Hauserhof tonight. Be kind to her. She respects you. THAT'S AN ORDER!

General Burkhalter

If I'm not discussing this with Colonel Hogan, why are you?

Klink

I don't know.

General Burkhalter

Then stop talking to him!

Klink

Schultz! Tell Colonel Hogan that I do not wish to discuss it with him.

Schultz

Colonel Hogan, Colonel Klink does not wish to discuss it with you.

Hogan

Tell Colonel Klink he's gonna be in as much trouble as General Burkhalter!

General Burkhalter

Klink! Tell Schultz to tell Hogan I'm in no trouble.

Klink

Schultz! Tell Colonel Hogan that General Burkhalter is in no trouble.

Schultz

Colonel Hogan, Colonel Klink says that-

Hogan

They're both gonna be in trouble if they don't get rid of that rocket launcher!

General Burkhalter

Klink! Tell him he can't threaten me!

Klink

Schultz! Tell him he can't threaten him!

Schultz

General Burkhalter told Colonel Kli-

Hogan

This is my last warning!

General Burkhalter

I don't take warnings from prisoners!

Klink

Neither do I!

Hogan

You will this time!

Schultz

PLEASE! Wait for me!

General Burkhalter

KLINK! England is [Points] that way!

Klink

General Burkhalter, I-I can't understand what happened!

Hogan

What's that way?

General Burkhalter

My house, for one thing!

Hogan

Frankly, General, I always thought it was a lousy neighborhood anyway.