Gerald quotes from Hey Arnold!

Gerald

We're going to beat them?

Sorry, I got carried away.

Helga

Nice going head boy, now we're all going to get carried away, On stretchers! They're fifth graders! They older, bigger, more brutal.

Size isn't everything Helga, maybe we're smarter.

Helga

Smarter, being smarter doesn't have to do with anything with football.

Mr Hyunh

This lint is your lint. [in high pitch voice] I'm not your Mother!

Gerald

Okay, I’m sorry. [Gerald leaves the room]

Mr. Hyunh

I am not his mother!

Gerald

Why are you reading this junk? [teases] Oh, right, you have a crush on Miss Felter...

I like poetry, it has nothing to do with her.

Gerald

Right. Later, man.

Oh soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the east... [Gerald pauses] ... and... Miss Felter is the sun.

Gerald

[In disgust] That's it, now I'm pukin'.

Gerald

You set a beautiful table, my fair señÑorita. [purrs]

Do I have to purr?

Gerald

Yes, chicks dig the purr!

Gerald

You know that monster truck show this afternoon? Wish we could go.

Can't, got detention.

Gerald

Yeah, me, too. Look at these! One for walking too fast, one for walking too slow, one for turning a corner too sharply, one for turning too wide, one for squeaky shoes, one for suspiciously quiet shoes. And these are from this morning. [tosses them on the floor and Phoebe writes another ticket and gives it to Gerald] What's this for?

Phoebe

One for littering.

Helga

Humph! Opera, what a bunch of dorks! La-de-da-froo-froo ladies in wigs singing a lotta 2-dollar words about nothing, doi!

Gerald

What a waste of a good field trip!

Harold

You said a mouthful, pal. Opera's for wimps!

Kids, kids, listen! Feel the music. Here's the big finish! [hums, then sighs when the music stops] And that was Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries". What do you think?

Boo!

That really bites!

Stinky, you are entitled to your opinion; but I bet by the time we're finished with this field trip; I'll make an opera lover of you yet! [rewinds on the boom box and presses play] And this is, of course, the song of Pagliacci, the crying clown.

Harold

[steps out] Look at me, I'm Pagliacci, the big, sad clown. Boo, hoo, hoo! Ha, ha, ha!

[pointing to the poster] And this is what we'll be seeing today. A classic tale of power and faithless love; the opera "Carmen".

Helga

Power and faithless love, huh? Ya got my attention.

The story centers around Carmen, the beautiful gypsy, [the students ooh and aah] who flirts with the young Spanish officer, Don José. [the students hoot] Don José is, how you say, charmed by Carmen, and lets her escape arrest for, um, how should I put this, causing harm to another girl.

Helga

Maybe this won't be so boring after all, Pheebs.

Phoebe

Oh, not boring at all, Helga. "Carmen" is a great story.

But Carmen forgets all about Don José the minute she sets her gypsy eyes on the torero Escamillo.

Gerald

[confused] Torero? What's a torero?

Curly

You know, a toreador, a bullfighter! [pulls out a handkerchief and holds it in the air; Harold acts like a bull and runs into it; removes it and bows] Ole!

Oh my gosh! Look, the show’s about to start. Everyone have your tickets ready.

Helga

[sneaks behind the pillar and spies on Arnold, along with Gerald, getting binoculars] Oh, Arnold, flamenco dancer stomping on the stage of my heart! Conquistador of my soul! With that, at this moment, I could know your heart's desire, my love. [Arnold aims his binoculars in the direction of Ruth, who's talking with Connie and Maria] Ruth! [cringes] Ruuuth! If only I can get that football-headed torero to feel that way about me! What am I doing wrong? What? [pushes usher out of the way] One side, moron!

Gerald

[offscreen] Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!

Huh?

Gerald

[steps out of the darkness, wearing fancy Rococo clothes] Figaro, Figaro, Figaro! [runs back into darkness]

Hey, Gerald, what are you doing? Where are you going? What's going on? [crying comes from the other side and Harold steps out, dressed as a clown] Harold? [turns around and sees Harold crying] Uh, are you alright?

Harold

Look at me, Arnold! Look at me! I'm a...I'm a... [sings] ...big ugly clown, oh! A big, sad ugly clown, oh! [cries and runs away]

[dressed as Carmen, steps out, and slowly walks down the stairs halfway] I'm Ruth McCarmen, and awfully charmin'. [points to Arnold] I guess you've noticed by the way you stare. You're not bad either. [Arnold looks down and sees his new clothes] Let's take a breather, and we can talk about my auburn hair.

Her auburn hair! You're standing there. Why don't you introduce yourself to Ruth?

She's like a flower blossom.

I know, she's wicked awesome!

Gerald

Come on, Arnold, it's the moment of truth! [pushes him to the foot of the stairs]

[pulls up his pants] My name's Don Arnold, [pulls out caramel bag] please have a caramel. [she takes one and flutters her lashes] Your hair is lovely, do you like my pants? [smiles, embarrassed] They're made of satin, [takes off cape] the cape's pure Latin. [a hanger comes down and he hangs it; it goes back up] I had it tailored in the south of France.

The south of France, your satin pants. [a cow picks Arnold up] Why don't you ask the lady for a dance?

It's time for your decision.

It's almost intermission.

Gerald

Hey, Arnold, you better ask her to dance.

[they reach Ruth] Uhhh... [gets hit with a spitball; instantly wakes up] Hey, cut that out! Who's doing that?

Helga

[tucks the sling shot back in her shirt] I had to shut you up somehow. You were snoring louder than the orchestra.

Man, how far into it are we?

Gerald

[looking at his tape] Beats me. I'm looking for something to listen to, until this thing is over. [puts on his headphones]

Phoebe

Second act. Now Carmen will convince Don José to desert from the army and join her band of gypsy smugglers. All goes okay for a while, but then this really handsome guy named Escamillo comes along.

Helga

Boy I'm feeling goofy, you know this Arnold guy he's been on my mind morning, noon and night for the past six years. I mean think about it, since I'm currently nine years old that is fully two thirds of my young life, is that crazy or what? Why do I torture myself by keeping it all a big secret why not just tell Arnold? La La La La La. Hey why am I telling you all this, you don't even know the guy. I'll just call that adorable little Football Head right know and tell him myself. [Phone rings, she gets answering machine.] Hello, Arnold, this is Helga, yes, Helga G. Pataki, the girl that worships you, yes, wastes days of passionate thoughts about you, ohh, my angel, sweet love, ohh, how I lo.... [screams]

[Halfway across town] Did you hear something just now?

Gerald

No.

Gerald

Say something, big boy.

Harold

Easy squeezy, lemon peasy.

Helga

[Calls to someone off screen] Medic.

I think Curly's finally snapped.

Gerald

No kidding.

You guys, Curly's snapped. He's throwing kickballs at Principal Wartz. My kickballs!

Helga

Hahaha. It's finally happened. Our demented Curly has gone over the edge.

Curly? Snapped? How terrible. Terribly sad.

There's a grand brouhaha outside Principal Wartz's office. LET'S GO!

He's a goner...

Gerald

He's a brave boy...

Harold

He's a saint — he gave me his tokens...

Look, buddy, I told you, I don't have the money. I have to use it to pay for my mother's hip operations.

You little weasel, I'll give you a one week to come up with a cash, or else...

Or else what? Okay, I get the picture. You're a big man, aren't you?

Gerald

[sighs] That Oskar Kokoschka, he's always get into trouble. Does he have a job or anything?

[laughs a little bit] Oskar? I don't think he's ever had a job.

Gerald

Hey, Arnold! Back from the cool party already?

Yeah. Basically it stunk. So I left.

Gerald

Wanna go do something?

But I thought you had plans tonight?

Gerald

Nah, I just made that up so you wouldn't feel bad about goin' to Rhonda's party. You wanna go throw rocks at Helga throwing rocks at a dumpster?

Sure.

Gerald

[on the phone] Four weeks? That's hard time, Bubba.

He said he'd let me off the hook, if I tell him who mooned him.

Gerald

So, you're going to do it?

No.

Gerald

Why not? After all, you didn't do anything.

If Harold, Sid and Stinky want to tell Wartz what they did, that's their decision, but I'm not going to tell him. I'm not a rat.

Gerald

Man, that's solid. I mean it's stupid, but it's solid.

See you, Gerald. [hangs up the phone] [sighs deeply]

Gerald

So, you want to go to the arcade.

I can't, I still have detention.

Gerald

Oh yeah, I forgot. Four weeks? Man, you really took the fall for those guys, didn't you!

Yup.