Susan quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Fucking Jesus. All of you, come here. Let me show you a little waterfall. [tilts the plate]

Oh, my gosh.

Just touch them. Cold, overcooked.

Switch up scallops, guys. Mary, do you want to do scallops?

I'll do 'em.

No, I want to do scallops. Somebody else has got to do risotto. [Nedra gives a shocked face]

What do you mean?

(interview) Oh, hell no! Gina, don't throw me under the bus because your shit ain't right. (to Gina) How long on scallops?

(interview) Nedra, just fuck off.

You've got some good color on there. Don't burn it.

(interview) This bitch couldn't cook a scallop to save her life. I know that Chef is about to find out.

I've got the scallops ready.

Go Gina, you got to go.

Walking scallops, chef.

(interview) Mmm-hmm. Good luck to you, Gina! (brings her risotto to the pass) Risotto, right behind you chef, hot.

[checks Gina's scallops] Aah. Hard! All of you, come here! [gets a scallop and flips it like a coin; throws it on the workstation] I guaranteed a complete service tonight. You can't even hold it together for the second ticket. Get out, Gina.

Ladies! Touch them.

Hard, chef.

(interview) Oh, my God. That's my garnish.

Who cooked them?

I did, chef.

Yeah, you, get out! Get out!

[under her breath] You're kidding me.

Hey, madam, you think it's funny?

No, no, no!

Yeah, take your shit with you.

(interview) I know this is not funny. I don't deserve to be kicked out of the kitchen. Danielle does. She was the one bringing the station down.

Danielle, don't stop the redo, hurry up! After that, two chicken, two wellington.

Two chicken, two wellington. Yes, chef. Sorry, chef, I'm confused. Do you need the one for the redo and the two chicken and two wellington or do you just need the two chicken and two wellington?

GET OUT!

Fuck!

GET OUT!

(interview, sad) It's just really hard, and it's a lot harder than people know. (exiting the kitchen) FUCK!

(Knocks on a counter in the dorm) Let's press the bell, bitch, because we can argue!

Ding!

Don't call me "bitch"!

Don't mess with a heavyweight and you're a lightweight.

You're dealing with the wrong person!

Yes, I'm dealing with a crazy, deranged person!

What a fucking baby.

You need to watch your stuff.

(mockingly as she goes into the bedroom) Eah, she pointed her finger at me about the rFisotto, fuck off! (slams the door shut which causes a roof tile to come loose and hang over the door)

Oh, my God! She just broke the ceiling!

Too much white wine in there again. All of you.

Oh, my God.

Taste that. Hurry up. Taste.

I think this is good.

It needs salt.

How won't I taste the white wine in there again? (to Danielle) Have you got a drinking problem?

No, chef.

The first thing that you can taste in there is fucking white wine! (knocks his hand on the workstation)

Yes, chef. So you want about a tablespoon?

You have to burn off the alcohol!

Yes, chef. (interview) I'm great on what I do. But this is fucking hard. I mean harder than hard.

Can someone teach these two fucking idiots how to make a fucking risotto?!

Yes, chef!

Oh, that's raw.

That's raw? Oh, fuck me. (calls Nedra in the dining room) Nedra, come here. Hurry up!

(returns to the kitchen) Yes, chef.

(returns to the workstation) All of you! ALL OF YOU!

Yes, chef!

(raises one lamb) What the fuck is that?

It's raw, chef.

Who sent me raw lamb on the signature dishes? Who as that?

Me, chef.

It's a joke for you, isn't it?

Not a joke at all, chef.

So what's that, then?

It's raw lamb.

(throws the lamb away) All of you, get out!

Fuck.

Get out! I'M DONE! Get out!

(interview) This sucks!

Leave it.

(interview) Like we're all talented . We're all good at what we do...

Leave it.

(interview) It shouldn't be that hard.

GET OUT!

One risotto, why is she cooking all that? (returns to the workstation) Oy, all of you! How many portions are in there?

Three. There's three chef.

Four? Five? (to Jessica) How many is going?

Two chef.

One! Is this a joke for you?

No, chef.

All that time we're waiting!

Sorry, chef.

Five portions of fucking risotto, I need one!

Let's go, bounce back.

(disgusted) Yeah.

(to her team mates) Come on, guys. Let's pick it up. Let's get going.

Throw five, serve one!

Now it's overcooked.

They're overcooked.

(returns to the workstation) All of you, HEY!

(under her breath) Oh, my God.

The Red team that loves taking the piss because they've flown off a private jet, they've been on a fucking mega super yacht, and they think they're King Dick because they've kissed Céline Dion's arse in fucking Vegas! Come here, you! Touch that.

It's overcooked, chef.

Yes, chef. Overcooked.

Just so--- [sees Danielle walking away] Oh, she disappears, look. Hey.

I'm giving you another one chef. I understand that's overcooked. [brings another wellington to the workstation]

Look at that there. Touch that there.

Yes, chef. Sorry, chef. Here's another one.

And even before touching that one, what do you think that one's going to come out at?

Medium, chef.

Touch that one.

Overcooked, chef.

Overcooked. Overcooked. [slams the tray on the workstation]

(under her breath) Fuck!

(interview) Danielle, girl. Get your shit together, man!

Third time lucky, bingo?!

Perfect, chef. Perfect, chef.

Oh! "Perfect, chef!" (sarcastically)

Sorry, chef. [brings another wellington to the workstation]

So the first two were what?!

My fuck-up, chef. Sorry, chef.

It's undercooked, the rice. Wow, fuck me. (returns to the workstation) Hey, the rice is undercooked! The rice is undercooked!

That's not ready yet, guys.

Start again!

Yes, chef.

Come on! (to Jessica at the pass) What are you waiting on?

[Table] 34, chef.

Yeah, fuck-- come in here. Come in here! [Jessica enters the Red kitchen] How long have you been waiting?

20-30 minutes chef.

Yeah, you've been actually waiting 32 minutes. Tell your fucking team!

(to the Red team) Let's go, guys! Table 34!

Why are you laughing?

I'm not. I'm sorry, chef. [Gordon throws his spoon away on the workstation]

(to the Red team) Hey, all of you stop! Come here, fucking all of you! (to Jessica) You think this is a joke.

No, chef. I don't.

(to the Red team) We're dying for Table 34's fucking appetizers (to Jessica) and you're coming in to laugh at (points to Susan) her. What's funny?

Nothing, chef.

Do you want to go?

No, chef. I don't.

Can you tell your team to hurry up?

(to the Red team) Let's go, team!

I'm ready!

(to Jessica) Hey, it's sounds so funny, isn't it?

No, chef.

While Barret starts over on the fish, in the Red kitchen, the women are very excited.

Our last ticket!

To be closing in on the finish line.

We got this!

Hey!

Yes, chef?

Shut the fuck up! High-fiving each other, last ticket, it's the same fucking ticket!

Hey, pedicure, manicure! How long?

I am waiting for Susan!

No, you fucked you! She's (Susan) slicing the prime rib! And you just stopped the whole fucking kitchen. (calls the Red team to the pass) All of you! (calls Susan in the dining room) SUSAN!

Yes, chef?

COME HERE, YOU!

(interview) I know everyone keeps saying, "Jacqueline is an amazing chef, she's so strong." (to Gordon) Yes, chef?

You just stopped sending entrées, (to Susan) did you tell her (Jacqueline) to stop?

No.

Oh, really?!

(interview) But if you can't perform with the lights turned on, then it's worthless.

We are now stopped being serving meat that we're dying for. (to Jacqueline) Have you heard of anything so fucking stupid?!

No.

The less you give me your best, go home! OVER!

Yes, chef.

Get it together. Have a little meeting.

I know what table is next. If I need to rush, I could rush.

Okay.

HURRY UP!!

Yes, chef!

Let's go, guys.

They're overcooked. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, we're moving. We got this.

We're not fucking moving and yet you haven't got anything. What is that shit?

I'll do it again, chef. I'm sorry, chef.

Look at them. Just touch them. That is disgusting!

(interview) This is my worst nightmare. Fuck!

I cannot believe you done that! What is happening in here?! (points to Susan) She's cooking four risottos, we need two (points to Ja'Nel) and you're bastardising scallops! I'll reduce the menu, I'll pull down the appetisers, pull down the entrées for you to shine!

(interview) Ja'Nel is dronwning at this point. You are dragging the team down.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!!

(interview) I just want to slap her. Ja'Nel, wake up! Come on! You're so much better than this!

Get a grip!

Yes, chef.

(to Ja'Nel) Go get it, chef. You'll get better, chef.

Give me two minutes on those scallops.

We got this. We're good.

"We got this"? Fucking hell. She (Ja'Nel) can't even cook a scallop.

Cyndi? Hey all of you, come here. Come here! Just touch that. Touch that lobster. When it's something so curly like that, what does it mean?

Overcooked, chef.

So it fucking (throws the lobster hard against the wall) bounces off the fucking wall!

(interview) Did that just happened?! It is black jackets time, we could not be making these stupid mistakes.

Can I have a poached lobster?!

Yes, chef.

Pick that [the lobster] up.

Yes, chef.

Come on, ladies. Pick it up!

(to Cyndi) Do you need some help, Cynd?

What's the matter with you?!

I got it. I'm bouncing back chef. I'm bouncing back right now.

Jesus Christ.

Now, it's raw. Just stone-fucking-cold. Hey all of you, come here!

Oh, crap!

Now, the lobster is raw!

Ugh!

(to Cyndi) Come here you! Just touch that. You know it's wrong, it's stone-cold! First one was rubber, now this is ice-cold!

Yes, chef.

[leads the Red team to the pantry] Come here you. All three of you, come here! (to Sous-chef Andi) Andi, take over! SUSAN!

Yes-- I'm coming! I'm coming chef!

Get in here!

Yes, chef!

Come on!

[angrily slams the door] What's happening?! What's the matter with you?!

(interview) I have never been in the pantry with Chef and it's never a good thing when he takes you back there.

You've got to get a standard inside you! You're screwing the Red team!

Yes, chef.

I'd rather slow down and increase the standard than sending me shit!

Yes, chef.

WAKE UP! All of you!

Yes, chef!

Here we go. Two covers, Table 21: two mussels, entrée: one halibut, one New York Strip.

Yes, chef!

Two minutes on this order: one halibut, one New York!

Three minutes, heard.

Who called? What's she yelling about? Susan called out halibut, New York steak and we haven't sent out the appetisers. What's going, Susan?

Right now, we have one halibut, and one New York!

Hey, all of you, come here! Stop what you're doing, all of you. She's firing entrées, one halibut, one New York strip. FYI, dumbo, we haven't even sent the appetisers!

(interview) What is Susan thinking right now? Like, what are you thinking Susan?

Is the ticket crossed out?

No, chef.

What are you doing to them?

We fired that ticket, chef.

Who's "we"?! I didn't!

She's screwed.

All of a sudden, you're the chef, right?

No, chef! No!

Step up. Here you go. (takes off his apron and gives it to Susan) Here you go. You fucking run it then. Here you go. Andi, leave her alone.

(interview) Susan can't even give correct times on her own station. She's running the kitchen? (sighs) We're fucked.

Sorry.

You run it! Fuck it, there you go, run it! (tosses his tongs on the hotplate) Fucking good luck. Off you go. This is a fucking joke. Andi, fuck them! Leave them! (Gordon and Andi walk out of the kitchen) Pathetic!