Doctor Psycho quotes from Harley Quinn

Clayface

Good thinking, old chum, knowing I would clog up its gears but it wouldn't kill me.

Dr. Psycho

Yeah, that was, uh, that was definitely a thing I knew.

Clayface

Oy! Bubbeh, it is I, Grandfather Wolf!

Dr. Psycho

Okay. First, that's a male wolf, dressed like an elderly human female. Second, why is your wolf Jewish?

Clayface

...I took a swing.

King Shark

Harley, a few words?

Clayface

Let her grieve. I've prepared a little something. [Clears his throat while Harley sobs] We have gathered today to pay respects to our beloved friend. Her death was not an empty sacrifice. And, of my friend, I will say just this. Of all the souls I have met on my journeys, hers was the most - human.

Dr. Psycho

Wow, that, uh [sniffles] Wasn't awful.

Clayface

As apropos a speech now as when it was originally delivered by William Shatner's Captain James Tiberius Kirk in Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan.

Dr. Psycho

Are we living in a mall or a zoo?

King Shark

I like to think of it as both now.

Harley Quinn

Wait! I know how we can save your wife!

You're only saying you'll save her life to save your own.

Harley Quinn

So what, you don't want me savin' your wife's life? Okay, I won't.

Hey, relax, relax. Let's not jump to conclusions. This is a negotiation. How do you propose to perform this miracle?

Harley Quinn

My friend's a doctor and the smartest person I know.

Doctor Psycho

Wow! That's the nicest thing you've ever said about me.

Harley Quinn

Not you, idiot. Ivy.

Doctor Psycho

Yeah, that makes sense.

Poison Ivy

I guess the acid really did change him.

Doctor Psycho

Which is why I just smoke joints. [Laughs alone] Fuck you, that was good one.

Dr. Psycho

[excited] I am rock hard right now!

King Shark

That's nasty.

Dr. Psycho

Wait, who are you?

Batgirl

Um, Batgirl. Anyway…

Dr. Psycho

All right. You know what? As a community, we should really get together and start coming up with more creative names. This is bullshit.

The Riddler

Riddle me--

Dr. Psycho

[to Riddler] Oh, shut the fuck up! Can't you see I'm trying to elegantly end this conversation with this mechanical fossil?! Good luck getting out again, fuck head!

Dr. Psycho

The point is, I'm gonna do what you never could, because you are a pussy!

Harley Quinn

Pussies are powerful. They birthed all of humanity!

Commissioner Gordon

I was a C-Section.

Darkseid

Who interrupts Darkseid's quest for the Anti-Life Equation?

Dr. Psycho

Uh, it is, hmm hmm, I, Dr. Psycho.

Darkseid

Ah, the dwarf who called Wonder Woman a slur that not even I dare utter.

Dr. Psycho

Gah, that was, like, two years ago. Also, "dwarf" is considered a slur, just FYI. This isn't Wizard of Oz.

Dr. Psycho

All right. I'm gonna make this quick. When I was a little boy, my mother brought me to the county fair. There was a Ferris Wheel, a big, beautiful thing, and you had to be a certain height to ride it. And, of course, I was too short. But, my mother would always say, 'Patience, Eddie! I'm sure next year you're gonna be big enough!' Let me tell you right now - the next year rolled around, and I hadn't gotten any taller. Years went by. I hung upside down from my ankles for hours. I took growth hormones. Anything to ride that big wheel in the sky! I never did get there. But then, one day, somethin' very unexpected happened. All those people fell to their death! And it was a RUSH! I thought it was so satisfying to watch all those people die! And that's when I decided to hate women.

Darkseid

I'm not sure that tracks.

Good to have you back in the poker game! An evil game!

Doctor Psycho

Killing Nightwing. Very tight!

Joker

Moral politics was fun! But you can't change the soul of a villain!

Doctor Psycho

So quotable, you're going to slay on my podcast!

Joker

[Answers phone] Excuse me. James Corden.

Doctor Psycho

Don't cover the phone. I know Corden.

Joker

Oh, you want me to host one of your little musical-comedy traffic jams? Co-host. Hmm? Yeah. Sharing isn't really my thing. Little shit is trying to leach off my comeback.

Doctor Psycho

God, he's a needy motherfucker.

Joker

Oh, it's my deal. Gotta go. Bye bye. [Wins the jackpot] It's good to be back boys. [Hugs the jackpot] House always wins.