Harley Quinn quotes from Harley Quinn

Poison Ivy

Okay, boys. [claps] So, I got the antidote to turn you back into humans, okay? But the only effective way of doing it is when my saliva interacts... [shrugs and sighs] with your saliva.

[grinning] So... is this a kiss?

Poison Ivy

No! It's not a kiss, it is... it is an antidote delivery system, nothing more. You will still be sexless nerds by the time the night is over, okay? [drinks the antidote] And... [kisses the boys one by one, turning them human again] Yep. This is... this is procedural, okay? [Benjamin tries his luck again, carrying a branch] Yeah, I kissed you already, buddy.

Yeah, I'm... I'm still a little bit tree!

Poison Ivy

Ah, fuck off, get outta here.

Harley Quinn

Yeah, fuck off, kid.

Harley Quinn

I need a fucking crew!

Poison Ivy

No, you need a shower.

Dr. Psycho

So who do you need me to mind-control to open the door?

Harley Quinn

No, no. No one. Just squeeze into the crawlspace, get into the house, and open it from the inside.

Dr. Psycho

Are you shitting me? I'm a genius telepath! Why're you wasting me on THIS?

Harley Quinn

You're the only thing small enough to fit!

Dr. Psycho

Got it. Sonofabitch!

Harley Quinn

Then they all ran off with that loser Kite Man!

Poison Ivy

Yeah, what a loser that guy is. Did he mention my name?

Harley Quinn

Robin's lying. Why would I fight a kid?! I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!

Poison Ivy

[snorts in amusement] Well, that rules out Batman. Catwoman says he waxes everything.

Poison Ivy

You can't fuck with Lois Lane, people. What if Superman comes?!

Harley Quinn

Great! Then I'll have the most powerful nemesis in the WORLD!

Poison Ivy

Oh, brother...

Harley Quinn

All right, that's it, enough of this shit. We're killing Robin.

Poison Ivy

Harley! You can't kill him.

Harley Quinn

You don't think I can kill a 12 year old? Oh, okay. Well, I will smash in his face, WITH A BAT, LIKE A WATERMELON!

Poison Ivy

Oh, no, no, I believe you have the ability to kill him. What I'm saying is, if you do it, you validate what everyone's saying. That Robin's your nemesis.

King Shark

Also, you'd be a child killer, which some may argue is worse.

Young Harley Quinn

I am honoured to be the valedictorian and I just want to thank absolutely no-one! Fuck all of you. Fuck the principal. Fuck the shop teacher who looks at my ass every time I walk out of class - yeah, I see you. Have a great fucking summer.

Doctor Psycho

I basically gave the same speech at my sister's wedding.

Harley Quinn

Hey, Ive, I think there's something really screwed up about me.

Poison Ivy

I wanna say this in just the most loving way, but there's NO way that this is just occurring to you now.

Poison Ivy

I don't understand your obsession with the Legion of Doom. They are actual pieces of shit.

Harley Quinn

Obviously! But those pieces of shit were the only people Joker respected. I'll never match up to him unless I'm in the Legion too.

Poison Ivy

So let me get this straight: you're not over your ex, and you want to throw your success in his face.

Harley Quinn

Exactly!

Poison Ivy

Honestly, that might be the most relatable thing you've ever said.

Poison Ivy

First of all, I care about the environment. Okay, I don't know what about that makes me a bad guy.

Harley Quinn

Yeah, says the girl who dissolved the head of Ace Chemicals in a bath of his own herbicide.

Poison Ivy

Best Earth Day ever.

Queen of Fables

You fucked up, Harley.

Harley Quinn

You know, I do a lot of that, so you're going to have to be more specific.

Bane

Look! I am stomping on your fish!

Bane, stop it!

Harley Quinn

Hey, there's a YMCA pool down the street!

Oh, yeah, yeah! "Just throw saltwater fish into a chlorinated pool! Water's water, I guess!" Come on! What are you, four?

Harley Quinn

So you got a fish tank and you do improv?

Poison Ivy

Wow, you're my shitty college boyfriend.

King Shark

Instead of a boy, it's a fish, and instead of a wolf...

Harley Quinn

It's an orca.

King Shark

No! It's a wolf named Orca. But it can swim, which is terrifying!