Hijikata quotes from Gin Tama

Hijikata

It’s so hot. Why the hell is our uniform so damned thick? Just when everyone else is switching to lighter clothing…And worse, we have to search for someone in this goddamned heat. Dammit.

Okita

Since you’re feeling hot, I can make you a set of summer clothes, Hijikata-san. [tries to slash Hijikata, but Hijikata dodges] That’s so dangerous. Please don’t move around. You’ll get hurt.

Hijikata

What’s dangerous is you! What do you think you’re doing?!

Okita

What am I doing? Helping to make your uniform sleeveless.

Hijikata

Liar! I think you just wanted to lop of my entire arm!

Okita

Actually, I’m in the midst of selling the summer clothes I mentioned. [holds up a sleeveless jacket] What do you think, Hijikata-san? Do you want one…

Hijikata

Who’d want one?! No matter how I look at it, it’s just some bad joke!

Kondo

Even though she’s a princess, she’s still a little girl. I’m sure she still has problems with her dad’s body odor or his weird looks.

Hijikata

She just has problems with her dad?

Okita

Anyway, it’s going to be pretty tough to find her. How about we just throw a party here to lure her out?

Hijikata

That’d only happen in a fairy tale. You’re the only one who’d fall for that!

Hasegawa

I'm telling you, I'm a former agent of the Alien Affairs Bureau! Hasegawa! Check your records and you'll see!

Hijikata

Make up some believable lies at least.

Hasegawa

It's true, damnit!

Okita

Well, I guess we'll have to strip you naked to find out.

Okita

You know, you're just an idiot who can't fool anyone [mattaku damasenai otoboke]. Abbreviating, a madao.

Hijikata

Now get stripped!

Hasegawa

[narrating] In the end, wherever I went, I was a madao.

Hijikata

[briefing the Shinsengumi] If you see anyone who looks suspicious, don't hesitate in arresting him. I will assume all responsibility.

Okita

Really? Well then, if I see a samurai, I'll kill him, and you'll assume the responsibility.

Hijikata

Well, everyone, forget what I just said.

Hijikata

What the...

Yamazaki

I was in a hurry, so I accidentally tripped and fell on my way. I am terribly sorry. I realize my carelessness.

Hijikata

Yeah? Well I think that sauce around your mouth was even more careless.

Kondo

[dramatically] Oh no! My famous Kotetsu sword is broken! That cannot be!!! Toushi... My Kotetsu... Impossible!

Hijikata

Shut up! This is no time to talk about it!

Kondo

But I'm still paying its benefits... It can't be!

Shinpachi

By the way, what is the whole Shinsengumi doing here?

Okita

For revenge. Right, Hijikata-san?

Okita

It turns out someone's been stupid enough to send one of these pitiful panites to Hijikata-san. [shows the panties, which Hijikata promptly slashes to ribbons.]

Hijikata

He's a dead man.

Shinpachi

[thinking] H-he's really gonna kill him!

Shinpachi

Couldn't you think of her brother, who's seen so much of his sister's underwear that he's grown desensitized to it? Kind of like a romantic scene that causes constipation when you watch a drama with your family.

Kagura

And thus, a kid climbs the mountain towards maturity.

Shinpachi

You! Stop jumping to conclusions!

Okita

Seeing your sister's panties is no big deal. Hijikata-san once caught his dad wearing a bra.

Gintoki

I see. The impact from that incident was what made him "cross the street".

Hijikata

No it wasn't!

Otae

[furiously] I'm staking my life for my panties! If you got enough time to talk, you got time to work too, lazy-asses!

[frightened] Uh... yes!

Kagura

Sister, you're sooo cool!

Okita

[carrying a large bag on his back.] Well, well, I predicted something like this could happen, so I went to pick these up from the storeroom.

Shinpachi

And what are these?

Okita

How should I put it... They're something like... landmines.

Shinpachi

They're not "something like" landmines! They are landmines!

Okita

It was a bit tough to get them. Security there's a bit tight.

Hijikata

The path of evil slithers like a serpent.

Shinpachi

I couldn't agree more!

Otae

Shin-chan. It's just like you said, this is a battlefield. If you're here just to fool around, then go home.

Shinpachi

Sister... The matter is, here is my home.

Hijikata

Well said. The battlefield is your home.

Shinpachi

Ergh... No, that's not what I meant...

Hijikata

By ignoring your many flaws, your determination gets strenghtened to defeat an unknown evil. Oh, it brings me back.

Shinpachi

Eh? Many flaws?

Otae

[pushing her naginata against Shinpachi] Yeah. Even if you have to skewer your enemy completely.

Hijikata

Better yet, tear him to bits.

Otae

[against a dreamy background] Break him apart.

Hijikata

[against the same background] Dismember him and stomp him down.

Shinpachi

[cuts in between them, making the background disappear] Heeey! You're getting me scared!

Okita

Does it matter who it is? We'll just catch someone nearby, pass him off and it's done.

Hijikata

If all of us tell the same story, no one will know it.

Shinpachi

What do you mean, "someone nearby"? And "if we tell the same story"?!

Gintoki

Oi, oi, stop screaming. If the thief listens to you, all our effort will go down the drain.

Shinpachi

Well, guess what, you may get lost, what with all this heat!

Gintoki

What the hell did you say, jackass? [grabs Shinpachi violently] You want me to help with your contact lenses?

Otae

[gets pushed back by the ruckus, then starts hitting Shinpachi on the head with the butt of her naginata] Stop this, you two!

Shinpachi

I'm supposed to be the guy wearing glasses in this anime!!!

Okita

You think they need help?

Hijikata

I can guess how this fight will end. They'll just continue until someone can go no further.

Kagura

My fist is getting furious, too!!! Someone better feed it blood!!!

Kondo

C'mon, stop it, stop it. We shouldn't be fighting. [sighs] I'm sure everyone's stressed due to the heat. Let's take a rest then--

Gintoki

[off-screen] Shut up, loser!

Otae

[off-screen] Shut up, deadbeat!

Kagura

[off-screen] Shut up, Hanarari-kun!

Hijikata

[off-screen] Shut up, Miso bun!

Okita

[off-screen] Shut up, gorilla.

Kondo

[crying like a girl] I'm sure it's the heat! It's all because of he heat! [normally] Well, I'll go buy some refreshments. I'm sure that'll calm you down.

Kagura

[still fighting] I want an azuki ice cream!

Gintoki

[still fighting] To me, something like coffee ice cream!

Otae

[still fighting] Bargain Dash (spoof of Häagen-Dazs) for me!

Okita

[still fighting, but calmly] Some jungle flavor will do.

Hijikata

[still fighting] A dish of veal with a pound of mayonnaise over it!

Shinpachi

[still fighting] Uh... tea!

Kondo

Okay, I'll go get your orders. Be nice!