Shinpachi quotes from Gin Tama

Gin-chan, I feel like eating ramen!

Shinpachi

I want sushi, too!

Don’t think you can eat food like that unless it’s your birthday. Geez, you guys are so heavy, dammit.

Katsura

This time, you’re holding on to them as tightly as you can.

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Shinpachi

[watching TV with Gintoki] So the princess likes to eat sukonbu, eh.

What are you, stupid? That's a big fat lie! She's just acting like ordinary people to make us think royals can be lovable! I bet when she gets back to the palace, she chows down on tons of sushi! Now, take a look at a real sukonbu girl. [turns towards Kagura, who is sleeping] You can see how poor she is just by looking at the way she sleeps! That's reality for you.

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Let’s begin with the chicken rice. Sensei, where do we start?

Kagura, cut the vegetables. Slice them into small pieces.

Got it! [slices the onion, and table, into pieces with her hands]

Shinpachi

Hey! Now what will we do?

I definitely sliced it into small pieces.

You’re supposed to cut vegetables this way. Oi! [throws an onion in the air and dices it with his bokuto] Yep, that’s how it’s done.

Shinpachi

Hey! No way can people cut onions with a bokuto!

It’s all in the mind! The mind! Not just cutting onions—you can do anything with the mind!

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Um, sensei, since the show started, you’ve just thrown in ingredients. Aren’t you going to explain what you’re doing?

It’s all right. Don’t worry. All these should be easy to do.

But we’re running a cooking show, after all. It’s pretty abnormal not to explain clearly what’s happening…

Well, when men cook, it’s always like this. If you just follow what I do, then…[sudden cut to a finished dish]

The dish is finally ready.

Shinpachi

When did you add the noodles??

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It seems like the base is ready. The rice should also…[pan to Kagura eating the rice out of the rice cooker]

Shinpachi

Hey!! The dish isn’t done! You’re not supposed to eat the rice yet!

Can I have another helping?

Shinpachi

This is such a disaster…

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Oi, oi, What did you do? We don’t have anymore rice here now…

I thought something like this would happen, so I’ve already prepared the completed dish.

Shinpachi

It can’t be…

It’s not some burnt eggs, is it? [They open the box to a disembodied scream. There are charred eggs inside.] I knew it…

Do we really have to eat this?

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Well yeah, I think the years have softened him [Katsura]. I wonder if he'd like to take this one [Sadaharu, that is chewing on Gintoki's head] too? We don't need anything from which we can't profit. This thing only gives us shit and pain.

Aren't you being a bit unfair to Sadaharu? Keep crushing his skull, Sadaharu. [Sadaharu bites harder on Gintoki until he starts bleeding.]

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Got it, got it! Shit and pain, plus piss!

Well, it's okay, Sadaharu. Let him go. [Sadaharu glomps Gintoki's head]

Shinpachi

It's NOT okay! You didn't add anything positive!

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One week?

Yeah, I'll be sure to pay you within the next week, interests included.

And I've promoted myself for that! I'll be able to eat as much sukonbu as I want!

Shinpachi

You've got such narrow goals...

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[Sadaharu is sitting on top of Gintoki and Shinpachi.]

[dressed in Sena Kobayakawa's uniform from Eyeshield 21] Uh, couldn't you finish this in a more delicate way?

Shinpachi

It's like we're putting our lives on the line with every blow.

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Shinpachi

Geez, can't you take this any more seriously? Keep it up, and we won't make it to the finals!

[bleeding, with his head bitten on by Sadaharu] Really? But the judges are staring so much at my beautiful face...

Shinpachi

Of course they are! Take a look in a mirror!

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[The Yorozuya crew sees Katsura enter the stage dressed in his Space Captain outfit, accompanied by Elizabeth.]

What the crap does that guy think he's doing? Even being in the most wanted list, he dares to show up on TV in disguise.

Shinpachi

I think he really loves his pet.

Not just the pet; I think he loves to play dress-up.

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I don't give a damn if you're the number one inventor in Edo. For all I've seen, all you do is scrap metal. It's time we from Kabuki-cho dealt with you. [blows smoke from her cigarette.] Alright boys, your turn now.

[Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi step in with a boombox and loudspeakers.]

Shinpachi

[on a microphone, with heavy feedback] Well, first of all, I'm Shinpachi Shimura from Kabuki-cho. Pleased to meet you all.

[Gintoki and Kagura turn on the boombox. Otsuu's "Your Dad is an XX" plays loudly as Shinpachi sings along, off-key, making everyone cover their ears.]

Enough! Make him shut up for God's sake! Why the hell is he so noisy?! It feels like our noses are ringing!

The best way to stop a bothersome guy is by outbothering him! If someone is never defeated, then he'll never understand others' pain!

It's you who don't understand it! My eardrums are about to explode!!!

What are you talking about?! It's Shinpachi who's suffering the most here! He's the one who has to sing and show the world how tone-deaf he is!

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Shinpachi

[holding a plush doll that looks like Elizabeth.] For some strange reason, I feel like I've seen this plushie before, but where? [checks the tag, which reads "Space Monster Stefan".] Uh? If this is a lucky charm, why did they write "Space Monster" on this tag? Hey, sir...

SFSkull-faced street vendor

Run away!

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[Otae stabs the plush doll with a naginata, nearly missing Shinpachi.]

Shinpachi

S-sister! What are you doing?! You were gonna kill your own brother?!

Oh. It's you, Shinpachi.

Shinpachi

Stefan... There's a hole in Stefan's belly!

Don't come home at a time like this. You got me confused.

Shinpachi

N-not to come home? How can you say that to your dear little brother?

[with a deep, angry tone.] Damn it. Do you realize all the trouble I've been through while you were away?

Shinpachi

Sister, your personality changed completely! What's going on?

[grabs the plushie with enough force to tear it apart.] What's going on, you ask? The more I recall it, the more furious I get!!! [rips open the plushie.]

Shinpachi

Aah! Stefan! Wasn't he supposed to be part of this episode's plot?!

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Eh? An underwear thief?

Shinpachi

Yeah. It seems it happened while I was at the Odd Jobs, she had her underwear stolen twice.

WWaitress

[while Shinpachi speaks.] Whose coffee and chocolate ice cream is this?

Mine.

The veal fillets are mine!

Shinpachi

Can you do anything about it?

[eating his ice cream.] What are you talking about?

Shinpachi

I just told you, a panty thief!

Oh, panty thief?

Shinpachi

That's right! While I was living at the Odd Jobs, her underwear was stolen twice! Aren't you gonna do anything?

[still eating the ice cream.] Do anything about what?

Shinpachi

[exasperated] I'm telling you! The thief who's stealing underwear! Panties! [everyone in the restaurant suddenly turns their attention to Shinpachi.]

[nonchalantly] Oooh, a panty thief, right?

Shinpachi

Are you even listening?