George Lopez quotes from George Lopez

Hey, so who are they firing? If it's Crazy Carlos, I'm not coming in tomorrow because he's a shooter.

George

They're not firing anybody. They're making four people team leaders and one of 'em is Ernie.

Ernie? Well, he can't lead a fly to dog poop!

George

[to Benny] What the hell were you thinking? How many times have I told you that this isn't putting out a cigarette?

It wasn't me. I flick it to the neighbor's yard like decent people.

George

[to Carmen] What the hell were you thinking?

Carmen

Why are you accusing me?

George

You snuck out of the house, you got a hicky, you smoked a cigarette, you are one hard lemonade away from arson.

Max

I did it.

George

I knew it. [to Carmen] What did you do to make your brother burn the garage down?

Max

Ricky gave me a bottle rocket, and I shot it off, but I didn't know it would land on the garage. I'm really sorry, Dad.

George

Sorry doesn't cut it. You can say goodbye to your allowance for the next year.

Max

But Dad...

George

No, I don't want to hear it. Max, you destroyed the garage. [realizes] Oh, man, my golf clubs! No, I put them in the car. No, I put them in the garage to clean them! No, I put them back. I don't remember!

Angie

Come on you guys, let's just try to forget about the money and have some breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs, we'll call my dad for a loan and maybe some french toast?

George

No, I'm not taking money from your dad.

Angie

Okay, okay. Then how about some waffles, please just swallow your pride, and maybe some orange juice?

George

Alright mom, we're all alone. Let's clear the air. Are there any more lies I should know about?

Yes.

George

What?

Well there's a bunch of things. But I'm gonna space 'em out so I won't look like such a bad person.

George

Angie, your dad's been here for a month, how long is he gonna stay?

Angie

We can't kick him out while he's getting over the divorce, he's staying here as long as he needs to. End of discussion.

George

Alright.

(to Angie) Hey, now I know what you've been knitting, a to-go bag for my son's huevos.

Carmen

[to George & Angie] You guys are the best parents in the whole world!

George

No.

Carmen

No, what?

George

You want something and the answer is no. You're just too young.

Carmen

You don't even know what it is.

George

What is it?

Carmen

I wanna date.

George

No, you're just too young. Angie, I got it right!

Jason

I'm here to see Carmen.

George

Are you sure you can be here? The super popular kids might see you! You could lose your reputation and have to eat lunch with.. the debate team!

Jason

I'm captain of the debate team.

George

Hey J-Man, what's up?

Jason

What's up, man?

George

Wait up for Carmen.

Jason

Carmen? (looks at her) Oh yeah... I've seen you in the cafeteria, nice to meet you.

George

That's how you treat your girlfriend?

Jason

Girlfriend? Yeah right. (walks off with his friends)

Carmen

...I'm going home! (runs off)

Angie

Carmen!

George

Follow her and make sure she's alright, I'll deal with Jason. (gets out of the car) It's bad enough to ignore my daughter but I thought we had something. "What's up, man?" I don't think so. Yo, Breakfast Club!

George

What happened out there? Why did you pretend not to know my daughter?

Jason

Mr. Lopez, I really like Carmen. Come on, you gotta believe me. I know I must have looked bad out there.

George

Bad? Jason, you humiliated her!

Jason

But I didn't want to, it's just that...Okay look. Carmen's new at Allendale right, and my friends, we already have our own group. I honestly intended on taking her out but... you know...who she is and who I am-

George

Come on, man, get to the point.

Jason

We really can't be seen together in public.

George

Look, my daughter deserves respect, and since you can't give it to her, you're not allowed to see her again, you understand me?

Jason

Maybe you should leave that up to Carmen.

George

You know, man, I knew cool guys like you in high school. You know what happened to them? They peaked at 17 and the rest of their lives were all downhll from there, so go ahead homeboy, protect your big reputation while you can. I'd hate to see you're gonna be 5 years from now.

Jason

I have an early admission to Stanford.

George

You couldn't get into any schools around here, could you? Alright, what about 10 years from now, fool?

Jason

I hope to open a charitable organization to assist people in wheelchairs.

George

Tired of driving your brother around huh? Selfish, you disgust me.

George

(knocks on Carmen's door) Carmen, I wanna talk to you.

Carmen

Go away, I already told Mom I don't want to talk about it.

George

I talked to Jason.

Carmen

(opens door) What did you say to him?

George

Don't worry, I told him it was over and he couldn't see you again.

Carmen

Why would you do that?

George

I'm helping you! You know what he said to me? He said he couldn't be seen with you because you're not one of the popular girls.

Carmen

That was our deal.

George

...What?!

Carmen

He was trying to protect me. Jason is super popular. If the popular girls found out we were dating, they'd be really mean to me. So when other people were around, we"d pretend not to know each other. He didn't want me to get hurt.

George

Oh, well, thank God there's a logical explanation, I mean I thought you were being used. You're right, he is sweet.

Carmen

You just don't understand.

George

Carmen, this kid doesn't care about you, he's embarrassed to be seen with you! Where's your self respect?

Carmen

I'm gonna call him.

George

No.

Carmen

Yes. (reaches for the phone)

George

Carmen, NO. (snatches phone away) Listen. Your mother was a lot more popular than me but she took me everywhere. No matter how ashamed she was.

Carmen

I'm gonna see Jason again.

George

Where? He won't be seen with you in public, Carmen, and he's not coming here.

Carmen

He'll find a way.

George

(under his breath) Man, sometimes you're dumber than the dog. (leaves room)

Carmen

The song ended.

George

(turns around) ...Love you.

George

[to Carmen] You want to see what happens when you start dating boys too early? [points at Benny] That!

You know what, I wasn't so much dating boys at 15 as....

George

Mom!

Having sex with them. What did you think I was gonna say?

George

What's Ricky doing here? You know he's not allowed in the house.

Max

I know, but he needed a ride to the game.

Mr. Lopez, can't you forgive me?

George

Forgive you? You burned down my garage!

George

You did it this time, Max. You're grounded for sneaking Ricky in the house.

Angie

He's already grounded for skateboarding in the house.

George

All right, then no video games for a month.

Angie

We took them away for eavesdropping on the phone calls.

George

Allowance?

Angie

Took it away when they burned down the garage.

George

Okay, you leave me no choice. For the rest of the month... You're not allowed to use your hands.

George

How the hell did that happen?

Max

Well, we were trying to surprise you and wash your car, but the hose is too short. I love you, Dad.

George

Look, I want the truth.

Okay. Here's what happened. We ditched school. But it was lucky because two gangbangers were stealing your car. We scared them away. But when we tried to put the car back in the driveway, we crashed, so I guess you're welcome, Mr. Lopez.

George

[to Max] You, you're going back to school. We'll deal with this tonight. [to Ricky] And you, you're out of here, man. I'm taking you back to your mother. And say goodbye to Max. Because that's the last time you're gonna see him. Do you know you could've killed someone?

Ernie

Wow. Hey, your mom sits out here. What if she was in that chair?

George

Don't try to cheer me up.

George

Hey, you two wait here. I wanna talk to his mom alone.

Ernie

All right.

Ernie

You know, that was a pretty stupid stunt you two pulled.

I know. Do you think he'll ever let me see Max again?

Ernie

He's pretty mad, Ricky.

Max is my best friend.

Ernie

Hey, you know what? Once George cools down, I'll try and talk to him, all right?

Thanks, Ernie. You ever do anything like this when you were a kid?

Ernie

[chuckling] Actually, yeah. One time, George and I broke into school with a whole bunch of spray paint, and we... Made a banner that said, "Learning is cool." Whoo! Those were the days, man. [chuckling]