George Lopez quotes from George Lopez

George

What, would you rather him being shaking and crying? He's handling it the Lopez way.

Angie

How do you do that?

George

We block it out.

George

No.

Angie

Then why are your pajamas on the floor?

George

Why are kids shooting kids? Nothing makes sense anymore.

George, you remember when you use to wet the bed?

George

It was the only hot water we had.

George

Hey, Max. The owls called. They're done nesting, vato. You can cut your hair.

Max

Cindy Porter said I have big ears. If I cut my hair, she'll never love me!

George

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Little pig-nosed Cindy Porter? Man, get your hair out of your eyes. She's nasty.

Max

I like nasty.

George

[after learning about Max's kidney issues] Angie, what was I thinking? My dad died of kidney disease. Max has my bad genes.

Angie

He's got both our genes, George.

George

Well, look. If he unexpectedly dies from soft hair and long eyelashes, then it'll be your fault. This one's on me.

George

Veronica, you're all grown up! The last time I saw you, you had a ponytail and baby fat.

So did you.

George

At least I didn't have a full diaper. You see, you don't wanna play this game.

Angie

[to Veronica] Get down here now, you ungrateful tramp! [Carmen comes downstairs instead of Veronica]

Carmen

What?

George

We know what you did. We want to hear it from your mouth.

George

[to Angie] How can you trust Ray after all he's done to your family?

Angie

Because I try to find the good in people.

George

That's a really annoying habit.

George

How come you never told me I had any special talents?

Oh, I'm sorry, George. You're right. You did have a special talent. No one can wet the bed like you.

George

I'm gonna use that to water your grave.

I have changed. Last year, I woke up in jail and I had one phone call. When my own sister wouldn't come to the phone, I realized that I had pushed everyone away. [Angie looks confused]

George

[to Angie] Oh, that's right. Your brother called last year. He needs your help right away. I told you to put a pad by the phone. I can't remember these things.

Ernie

I'm sorry, George. I just sat down for a minute to rest my knees. I guess I must have nodded off. I don't know why they're bothering me so much.

George

You know you're supposed to listen to your body and right now, your knees are screaming, "You're crushing us! Eat a salad!"

George

I'm the manager. It's my job to defend the workers

You never defended me.

George

It's not true. I cleaned the stall in the men's room where all that nasty stuff was said about you.

What did it say?

George

I don't remember. I wrote it a long time ago.

[to George] I just got a letter from Ernie's lawyer accusing me of being prejudice towards fat people. Does anyone remember my second wife?

George

Oh, yeah. I remember Cheryl. She came to that Christmas party in a green dress and you fired the person who hung an ornament on her.

Max

Uh, "Rippin' it to the max."

George

Please. The only thing you rip is... [makes a fart sound]

Ernie

Hey, that's my apartment! What are the neighbors gonna think when some creepy weird dude shows up?

George

I don't know. What'd they think when you moved in?