FWFree Waterfall Sr.
If you're cold, rub your bodies with permafrost. It's nature's long johns. If rubbin' frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don't wanna be right.
S3The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz
Good news, everyone! I'm sending you on a highly controversial mission.
Controversial?
Oh, my, no.
For this highly controversial mission you'll be towing the Juan Valdez, an orbiting supertanker full of rich Columbian dark matter.
Dark matter oil? What if we hit something? The tanker could leak.
Impossible! The tanker has 6,000 hulls. So, unlike me, it's entirely leak-proof.
HHyperchicken
Son, as your lawyer, I declare y'all are in a 12-piece bucket o' trouble. But I done struck you a deal: Five hours of community service cleanin' up that ol' mess you caused.
Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn't you have just got me the death penalty?
HHyperchicken
Well I'da done better, but it's plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence.
Oh yeah, good luck with that.
[Bender leaves the room, revealing that the Hyperchicken is the one in jail.]
Wiggles, weren't you about to propose a toast to your gallant captain?
Fine, I've got a toast. To Captain Bender, he's the best... at being a big jerk who's stupid and his big ugly face is as dumb as a butt!
Eh, I've heard better.
What happened?
All 6,000 hulls have been breached.
Oh, the fools! Why didn't they build it with 6,001 hulls?! When will they learn?
Being a captain is about intuition and heart. A good captain can't have either one. That's why cold, logical Bender is the perfect candidate for the job.
Well, I do think of human life as expendable.
Why do we have to resort to non-violence? Can't we just kick their asses?
FWFree Waterfall Sr.
Now, little lady, those people's asses are living things too.
No fair! Leela was training me to be captain. She even let me sit in her lap and steer... in this comic I drew.
[Grabs comic] Ooh, the new one's out!
[Fry and Zoidberg are inside, playing video games.]
Why weren't you kong donkeys outside cleaning up?
They sent us inside for doing an unsatisfactory job... [he turns his head, revealing egg yolks dripping from his fronds] and eating penguin eggs.
You ate most of them.
S3Bendless Love
My God! Even the professor is bent!
[Bent facing the floor] Thank you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum.
Hooray! I graduated. Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending.
Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you?
Hmm, I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a slight delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose.
I wish! It's a nickel.
RRobots
[on a picket line] No more bending, no more work! Give us a raise you big fat jerk!
Nevers!
Sorry I got you sent to that South American Turkish prison instead of me on account of mistaken identity.
You bastard! They treated me like an animal, and that's what I became! [laughs] Nah, you're all right. Good to see ya, buddy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.