Michelle Tanner quotes from Full House

Teddy

[when Michelle talks about how she doesn't have a mommy] You should get one. Mommies use fabric softener on your pajamas.

My daddy does that.

Teddy

Mommies always have lots of candy in their purse.

My daddy keeps Wet Wipes in his wallet.

Teddy

Mommies wear makeup and pretty dresses.

You got me there.

Daddy, guess what, guess what, guess what?

Danny

What, what, what?

Miss Wiltrout says a clean room is a happy room!

Danny

Sounds like my kind of teacher!

[sitting on her bed when there's a knock on the door] Come in.

Danny

Hi, Michelle.

Hi, Daddy.

Danny

[sits on the floor] I think we have to talk.

I think we'd better.

Danny

I'm sorry you went to so much trouble today.

I wish I had a mommy.

Danny

Well, I know you don't remember, but you had a wonderful mommy. And she loved you very, very much.

It's no fair. All the other kids have mommies.

Danny

Well, I know it might seem like everybody else has a mommy. But honey, the truth is some people just have a mommy or they just have a daddy or a grandma, or a grandpa, or an aunt and uncle. There's all different kinds of families.

Really?

Danny

Yeah. What makes a family is when you have people who take care of one another and love each other. You have a very special family: you have a daddy, and an Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky, and a Joey.

[smiles] I bet nobody in school has a Joey.

Danny

[laughs] That's a pretty safe bet. So you see, in a way, you and your sisters are pretty lucky. Because you have four people who care about you and love you very, very much.

I love you very, very much. [hugs him]

Danny

I love you too.

Jesse

This is my one shot at a record deal.

But you're my partner in the balloon race.

Jesse

Well, get another partner.

But you promised.

Jesse

Michelle, I can't.

But you promised.

Jesse

Michelle, I have to write my song.

But you promised!

Jesse

Well, then I'm gonna break my promise! I'm not going to the stupid picnic! So leave me alone! [walks out]

Rebecca

Jess...

Uncle Jesse yelled at me.

Danny

Oh, Michelle, I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Come on, we're still gonna have fun at the family picnic.

Uncle Jesse's not nice anymore.

Something stinks!

Rebecca

Well, we're in the woods, honey. It's probably a skunk.

I know that smell. Kimmy, put your shoes back on.

Jesse

Hermes was not only the Greek God of Swiftness, but it's also my great-grandfather's name. I'll have you know, he saved the whole town from destruction when he raced a river of lava down a mountain barefoot. All right? He went to tell the whole town a volcano erupted. 'Course, no one was left in the town, 'cause who could miss a volcano erupting? But the point I'm tryin' to make here is the name Hermes is equated with strength, courage, and very hot feet. So now, who among you will make fun of a name so bold and so courageous as Hermes? Huh?!

Rebecca

I'm sorry, honey.

D.J.

We didn't realize the name meant so much to you.

Jesse

Good.

Did you want me to call you Uncle Hermes?

Jesse

[scoffs] No. What am I? Some kinda geek?

Is it almost time for my party?

Becky

You've got two and a half hours still.

How long is that?

Jesse

Two "Sesame Streets" and a "Mister Rogers".

I'll never make it.

Is there something you'd like to say to me?

Jesse

Michelle, we said Happy Birthday to you at breakfast and everywhere else we say you today.

But I'm 5 years old. This is a very big day.

Happy Birthday, Michelle.

Don't say it if you don't mean it.

Happy Birthday, Michelle!

Why, thank you.

This is Comet, my pet stegosaurus.

Teddy

That's not a stegosaurus! That's a Golden Retriever.

You got a bad attitude.

My daddy's always leaving me.

Teddy

How come?

'Cause he's "spatula" of the month.

Teddy

If you say so.

Danny

Michelle, why did you do this?

'Cause I never see you anymore.

Teddy

Is that because you're the "spatula" of the month?

Danny

Eat your dessert, Teddy.

Danny

Michelle, why would somebody call you a baby?

Cause I still need training wheels.

Danny

Oh honey, that's alright. Kids take off their training wheels at all different ages. I was even a little older than you.

Joey

Danny, you still had training wheels when you had your paper route.

D.J.

Okay, we're going to the movies. Put on your coats and act adorable.

I cannot leave this house. Dad said.

D.J.

Well, Dad's not here. I'm in charge. That makes me Dad.

Stephanie

Until the real Dad comes back and makes you grounded.

Does this mean no "Little Sea Lion"?

D.J.

No "Little Sea Lion."

That's the second time I missed them today.

Stephanie

Oh, no! I got mustard all over D.J.'s sweater!

She's gonna have a cow.

Stephanie

Tell me something I don't know.

Yesterday, I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet.