Ross Geller quotes from Friends

Chandler

Die Hard, still great!

Joey

Hey, what do you say we make a double feature?

Ross

What else did you rent?

Joey

Die Hard 2!

Chandler

Joe, this is Die Hard 1 again.

Joey

Ohh..well if we watch it a second time then it's Die Hard 2!

Ross

Joey we just saw it.

Joey

And?

Ross

And it would be cool to see it again!

Die Hard!

Chandler

Yeah, I just..i got plans.

Ross

Well, John McClane had plans.

Chandler

Alright, you see the thing is..I wanna get outta here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody "bitch".

Joey

What are you talkin' about...bitch?

Ross

I hate to lecture you guys but it's kind of disgraceful that a group of well-educated adults, and Joey, can't name all the states. You ever see a map, or one of those round colorful things called 'a globe'?

Chandler

Magellan? You got 46 states.

Monica

Ross! My neighbors ate all my candy!

Ross

Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!

Chandler

[dressed as Santa] My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt! [Joey, dressed as Superman, grins]

Ross

The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part!

Monica

Here's Frannie. Huh! Won't she be happy to see me?

Ross

Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn't bring you here so you can ambush her.

Monica

Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to Mom.

Ross

That bitch!

Monica? What, what are you...?

Monica

What am I doing here? You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me? Why? Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done? Stuart!

I believe you know my husband.

Ross

So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done.

Ross

Look at all those stars. Infinite space. Really makes you wonder.

Joey

You know what else makes you wonder? Check out the rack on this chick!

Joey

Oh my.. How much do you weigh, Ross ?

Ross

I prefer not to answer that, as I'm still carrying a little holiday weight.

Joey

[To Rachel] Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.

Ross

Oh really? Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?

Joey

Why God, why?! We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Ross

What? A Brain transplant?

Joey

Yes, its a highly controversial procedure.

Ross

It's ridiculous!

Joey

Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't sex in three and a half months.

Ross

It's winter. There are fewer people on the street.

Joey

We gotta spending limit on the date, I cant take her to a fancy place like that .

Ross

Well, Sorry. That's what I do on dates.

Joey

[By stretching hands] Well, I guess I'll just do what I do on dates.

Ross

So, Let's decide on spending limits.

Joey

$6?

Ross

I was thinking more like $100.

Joey

Okay.. Can I borrow $94?

Ross

Did you ever heard a guy who has a crush on you?

Joey

Is that why you wanna tie my tie?

Rachel

Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! You know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love.

Ross

Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.

Rachel

Yeah.

Joey

How'd you get over that teacher?

Rachel

I didn't. I got under him.

Joey

Problem solved.

Monica

Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.

Ross

A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America.

Ross

And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.

It took you that long to figure it out?

Ross

I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.