Frasier · Season 4
[about Maris] By calling her so many times, you give her all the power! You're much better off coming from a position of strength!
Don't pour that sherry on your shirt: it will stain.
What?
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was the portion of the afternoon where we give each other patently obvious advice.
[about Maris] She's already flown in a sculptor from Sweden to capture her likeness in ice.
Ah, the perfect marriage of subject and medium!
Oh, I love making people laugh. To me, humor is like medicine!
(to Frasier) I guess we're in the placebo group.
[To Niles] I see you are still waiting on your spine donor!
Niles has a back injury, and to impress Daphne he claims it was from a daring move in a squash game
You know, I should never have even attempted a move like that. It was sort of a cross between a pirouette and a flying scissor kick.
Daphne leaves the room
You hurt yourself adjusting the seat in your Mercedes again, didn't you?
Quiet!
Frasier decides to phone John's wife and help fix their marriage
(on phone) Mrs. Rajeski? Hello. You don't know me, but I...
Sound of Niles screaming in pain from the next room
...Well, that's remarkable! Yes, I am a friend of your husband's.
You are our only chance, Dr. Crane, and she must be defeated. She is evil! Heckles in 1704 was two days late with his condo fee and she lowered the water pressure in his shower. Eventually he died.
Of bad water pressure?
No, I think it was a hunting accident. But he spent his last months on this earth unable to get all the conditioner out of his hair.
Roz advises Frasier against running for condo board president
If somebody wants a garbage disposal, they'll bug you day and night, they'll leave kitchen scraps in your mailbox until they get what they want.
Have you served on a condo board?
No, but I have a brand new garbage disposal.
I've always liked the notion of meeting the great figures of history. But then I think: what if it's like high school and all the really cool dead people don't want to hang out with me? Mozart'll tell me he's busy but then later I'll see him out with Shakespeare and Lincoln!
“We know for whom the bell tolls.”
(A distant bell sounds, from the kitchen)
Anybody else hear that?
Niles is finding this new spontaneous attitude to dating quite exhilarating
Feel like a new man?
I feel like a new woman, and thank God I remembered to pack one!
Maris phones Niles to tell him he cannot see other people
You see what's happening here?
Yes. Your ex-wife is ruining my sex life!
[about Martin's chair] Dad, when are you going to stop blighting the environment with this monstrosity? My God, can't you see that it wants to die? Let it go.
You know, I keep having this dream where you're saying the same thing, only I'm in the hospital and you're slipping the nurse a twenty.
Dad, that will never happen.
Thank you.
I have medical power of attorney. It won't cost me a thing.
[about his new pet bird] She's very exotic. She only eats every other day, and she's so white she's almost blue.
Geez, I'm gettin' nervous. That's what he said just before he introduced us to Maris!
Eddie is dancing, and Martin is very proud
He's practically doin' a polka.
Oh, good. That should up his price when I sell him to the carnival.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
