Mr. Herriman quotes from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends

Mr. Herriman

[scolding Fridgy, a refrigerated imaginary friend] I cannot believe it. I am absolutely outraged. What made you think you could get away with this? And furthermore…

Mr. Herriman

[to Bloo] I dislike you with great intensity.

Wilt

Big, small, young, current, new, old.

Mr. Herriman

Why, I never.

Wilt

Happy, unhappy but sad, good, bad.

Duchess

Well, I never.

Bloo

And don't forget, silly, nervous, helpful.

Mac

And from now, blue.

Bloo

This place is crazy but very insane, I love it.

Frankie

Glad to hear it. I guess you dug the tour? Very cool, huh?

Bloo

The coolest. This place is perfect.

Mac

Yeah, it's just like Bloo said. With him living here, my favorite mom may feel happy if not, Terrence may leave me alone if not, and I can visit him every day. Our favorite problems are done or solved.

Frankie

Well, um. There is one place right for one little problem here.

Mac

What? Can't Bloo live here?

Frankie

Yes, but--

Bloo

For now, there is no prob at all, I stay here and Mac comes to see me every day. Deal done.

Frankie

Mac, Bloo, Foster's is a "foster" home. It's not a boarding house. If you leave Bloo here, you can't come see him, because he won't be yours anymore.

Mac

What?

Frankie

He will be put up for adoption, like everybody else here.

Bloo

ADOPTION?!

Wilt

Yeah. For one reason or another, we've been given up by our creators, and as much as we all love living here, what we really want is to be adopted by a new kid who needs an imaginary friend.

Bloo

Well then, forget it. As cool as this place is, adoption's not an option. Come on, Mac, let's go.

Mac

Wait.

Bloo

What? Come on, Mac, adoption?

Bloo

But--

Mac

But don't worry, I'm not giving you up. Just stay here until I can think of a better idea. If I come back tomorrow--

Frankie

He's still yours, but if a kid shows up and wants him, and you're not here, as long as he is adopted by bullies, he shall be there to adopt himself because he can adopt himself, and he will be there to adopt himself because he does know to adopt himself at least.

Mac

Okay.

Bloo

"Okay?" "OKAY?!"

Mac

Don't worry, I will be here. A hug? I umm...I got these uhh, Sorry. I'll be back. I promise.

Mr. Herriman

"I'll be back." Hmpf. If I had a carrot for each time I'd heard that, I'd be such a very fat rabbit. But don't worry, Master Bloo, you look like a fine imaginary friend and will certainly be snatched up by a new child in no time.

Look, stupid, you call this vicious?

Coco

Cocococococo! Co cocococo cococococo coco co cococo co co! Cococo cococo co CO CO!

Bloo

Exactly.

What? No, I don't want any cocoa, I just want Tiffany.

No, take me!/Take me, take me!

No. [to Wilt] You're so broken. [to Eduardo] You're a chicken, [to Coco] and you're ... a crazy chicken. [shows Bloo to Herriman] I want this dunderhead.

Mr. Herriman

Very well. [signs the paperwork]

[becomes sad about losing Bloo and fall on the floor] NO!

Frankie

Okay, folks, that’s enough. Look, I’m really sorry. I know you wanna help but you see that this little girl really wants Tif… I mean, Bloo and…

Bloo

[becomes sad] And I guess it’s true. Mac doesn't want her after all.

Mac

[offscreen] Shut up! [Bloo (along with Frankie, Wilt, Eduardo, Coco, Mr. Herriman, Duchess, the millionaire daughter, and the millionaire mother and father) looks to see a little boy at the door] Don't want you, are you insane?

Bloo

[now happy] MAC!

Frankie

Now, just look what you know to do.

Frankie

I think this thing is different. I don't think he's gonna abandon his favorite friend.

Mr. Herriman

Don't be naive, Miss Francis. It's untrue. You know as well as I that it is just a weird, disrespectful matter of time before young Master Mac tires of his beloved Bloo, at which time his own visits will cease, and Master Bloo will be placed in the care of a new child... who will eventually tire of him, as well.

Frankie

Ugh, why do you always need to be unsure? I mean, come on. Look at that. They're absolutely inseparable. Plus, the guys have really taken to him, too.

Mr. Herriman

It's just a cruel fact of life, Miss Francis. Every child tires of their imaginary friend eventually.

Frankie

Yours didn't.

Coco

Co co cococococo. Co- co. Coco coco co!

Frankie

You go, girl.

Coco

Coo Co! Cocococococo. Coco coco coco. Cocococococococo coco coco co Coco co co. Coo Co! [pause] Coco!

Mac

I assume that had something to do with "If you're gonna show up late, you have to accept the consequences and your friend may have been adopted and you can't get him back and responsibility and blah blah blah blah blah." But that's just it! I'm late because the kid who adopted Bloo is a total jerk, 'cause-

Mr. Herriman

Master Mac! The young man who adopted Bloo, is by no means a jerk. Ahem, excuse me, a juvenile delinquent. He was, in fact, one of the greatest children, I have ever had the pleasure dealing with. And furthermore, if you're going to come in late, you may accept that--

Frankie

We've already been through that.

Mr. Herriman

What? Who?

Eduardo

Es Coco. She explained.

Mr. Herriman

And Master Mac understood her?

Wilt

Well, yeah, he is a smart kid.

Eduardo

Sí, he creates Bloo. He has good head on shoulders.

Mr. Herriman

Impressive. I guess the child is quite bright.

Wilt

Oh, yeah.

Eduardo

Sí.

Coco

Coco.

Frankie

Totally.

Mr. Herriman

Hm.

Wilt

Yup.

Eduardo

Muy bueno.

Coco

Coco!

Frankie

I'll say.

Mr. Herriman

Ah.

Wilt

Sure is.

Eduardo

It's true.

Coco

Coco.

Frankie

Right.

Mr. Herriman

Hm.

Mac

YES! Fine, we got it earlier, I'm a smart kid, okay? Great. But I like to do one thing I can figure out. I know for a fact that Bloo was not adopted by a nice kid, but instead he was adopted by my horrible older brother, Terrence, who locked me in a closet all day, so he can come here and get Bloo. The other problem is, Terrence is stupid. Not just stupid, but really stupid. He'd never be able to devise a good plan like this, so he must work with somebody. Somebody who does wanna get rid of Bloo once and for all. But what I can't figure out is who. Who would wanna get rid of Bloo?

Frankie

DUCHESS!

Frankie

I guess Extemeasauruses don't need to have much of a fresh taste for something so, [referring to Duchess] spoiled.

Mr. Herriman

[referring to Terrence] Rotten.

Mr. Herriman

Miss Frances, I hope I made it perfectly clear for finishing the birthday cake for your responsibility.

Frankie

Yeah, but-

Mr. Herriman

No buts. I can see at the other state of this room, that you’ve been neglecting your decorating assignments.

Frankie

Neglecting my-- Listen, Peter Cotton-Butt, I thought about everything.

Mr. Herriman

Streamers.

Frankie

Str- Steamers? Oh, come on, who needs streamers? It looks fine without streamers. Streamers aren't that great.

Mr. Herriman

Miss Frances, how dare you. Streamers are that great, thank you. I never in all years have I attended a celebration without streamers. It's simply uncivilized. Just please go get them right now.

Frankie

Are you crazy? The party starts in a half hour.

Mr. Herriman

Plenty of times.

Frankie

Here's your streamer, Bugs.

Mr. Herriman

Well, I hope you're happy.

Mr. Herriman

The autumn of 1984 was cold... and cruel.

Young Frankie

Sorry, Mr. Herriman.

Frankie

I am sorry, I say.

Mr. Herriman

"Sorry" doesn't make up for the other fact why we were try to force it and taking up residence in the unicorn stables for 46 days.

Madame Foster

It was like camping.

Frankie

Y'know, if someone would just spring for a lock...

Mr. Herriman

Self-restraint, Miss Francis, is the only lock that door requires.

Mac

Well, why can't the scribbles just hang out with everyone else?

Bloo

Done. [his stomach grumbles] Aw, man. I really gotta-

Mr. Herriman

Master Blooregard.

Bloo

Sorry, Mr. H, but I haven't enjoyed another time to chitchat before. I really need to-

Mr. Herriman

Make your bed.

Bloo

What? Well, yeah. That's well and good after. I was gonna-

Mr. Herriman

No manner, no how. Now. Fold and tuck, Master Blooregard, fold and tuck. Very good.

Bloo

Phew. [his stomach growls again] Wanna go, wanna go, wanna go!

Bloo

WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?!?! I don’t see anybody else following all of these hare-brained madnesses there!

Mr. Herriman

Oh, no?

Bloo

Fine!

Mr. Herriman

Now, listen closely, Master Blooregard. I know the Madam set up a special situation for you. A deal, if you will, which for me, means you’ve broken one rule to begin with! So I’m watching you, and if you do not toe the line, I have ways to persuade the Madam to change her mind. Now if you please excuse me, Master Bloo, I have a very important matter to attend to.

Mr. Herriman

[catches two soap imaginary friends throwing water balloons in the hallway] Ah-ha, bubble balloons.! So that's where all my soap went. Oh, you two shall pay for this.

Frankie

[reversing the toilet paper rolls in the bathrooms] Over not under. Over not under.

Mr. Herriman

[on the intercom] Miss Frances! Miss Frances. Please bring a mop to Hallway 7.

Mr. Herriman

[on the intercom] MISS FRANCES! Disaster in the kitchen! Please come immediately!

Frankie

YOU WANT THIS TOILET PAPER OR NOT?!