Madame Foster quotes from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends

Madame Foster

Wilt, dearie, I appreciate the spit and shine, but THIS IS NOT BASKETBALL!

Madame Foster

Hello! I'm back from my favorite vacation! [opens her eyes and looks around, seeing the entire house completely empty] Hello? Where's everyone?

Madame Foster

[catches Mac trying steal her gold-plated dentures] THIEF! You better drop that grill, bucko!

Mr. Herriman

The autumn of 1984 was cold... and cruel.

Young Frankie

Sorry, Mr. Herriman.

Frankie

I am sorry, I say.

Mr. Herriman

"Sorry" doesn't make up for the other fact why we were try to force it and taking up residence in the unicorn stables for 46 days.

Madame Foster

It was like camping.

Frankie

Y'know, if someone would just spring for a lock...

Mr. Herriman

Self-restraint, Miss Francis, is the only lock that door requires.

Mac

Well, why can't the scribbles just hang out with everyone else?

Madame Foster

Oh, come on, you remember. You used to do it when I was a little girl.

Mr. Herriman

You mean...

Madame Foster

[through telephone] Hello?

Mac

HI, WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER FOR A PARTY?!

Bloo

WRONG NUMBER! What are you doing?!

Duchess

You sugar-coated idiot! You can't even hold on to a phone! You've ruined everything!

Mac

CALL'S OVER NOW GIVE ME CHOCOLATE!

Duchess

There will be no chocolate for you!

Mac

GIVE ME MY CHOCOLATE!

Bloo

Chocolates?! You tried to sell us out for Duchess' stupid chocolate?

Duchess

I'll have you know they're stupid gourmet chocolate.

Madame Foster

Mr. Herriman, I am severely disappointed in you.

Mr. Herriman

But, Madame, I…

Madame Foster

Ooh, I am no fool, bunny! It is more than clear what occurred here today. I told you explicitly, implicitly, and unequivocally, no… wild… parties. Without me!

Madame Foster

Simply unbelievable! Stealing and the taking and bribing-the bribing! Oh, that about but the the bone off the spoon! Why, I should have-Hello, Wilt-and I might if I were earlier! But nothing doing. No manner, no how. Lousy casserole dish with onions on top! Downright nasty, I say. Hola, Eduardo. Haven't just had the pluck to pluck up my own chickens! That's what I call the sauce! Coco, Coco. And now I'm in a bing like a package on moving day! Afternoon, Mac, Bloo. All 'cause of her! Always the same! Massacring what's mine like a Mississippi chainsaw! My green aggie, my lunch pail, my prom date! But this… taking a lady's teammates! Snatching 'em up before the final bell right before the last game-- outrageous! The gall! The gumption! The nerve! That back-scratching, butter neck Jerkins!

Madame Foster!

Madame Foster

What?! Oh my, was I talking out loud?

Eduardo

Sí. Very loud.

Madame Foster

Sorry. I hope those were the other weekends right here. Oops. [laughs, giggles, chuckles, cackles, guffaws, snickers, titters, snorts, tee-hees, chortles, and sniggers] Seems my inner became an outie.

Wilt

Wow, Madame Foster. I've never seen you so bent out of shape.

Madame Foster

I know. Usually, I'm sweet, quirky, and adorable at least. But, dag nabbit, I'm madder than a wet cat on washing day!

Wilt

Oh, that's mad.

Madame Foster

She's skimming cream off the top, and they're drinking it up like a camel to sand. That Jerkins is a crafty one, literally, flaunting her hand-made doilies this way and that, taking my girls before the final beat. No-good doily-giving bribery!

Mac

Hold up, Madame Foster. Let me see if I got this. You and this Jerkins lady have had a vicious rivalry ever since you were kids when she stole your lunchbox, your boyfriend-

Madame Foster

And my marbles.

Mac

Clearly. And now, she's stolen your bowling team before the final game of the tournament by bribing them with doilies.

Madame Foster

What? Am I speaking French here elsewhere? She stole them, and now where am I? I'm done. That's it.

What is this, Foster?

Madame Foster

My newest team, Jerkins.

Looks like you dragged these right out of the gutter.

Madame Foster

Nah, because I would have seen you there.

Wilt

Good thing.

Eduardo

That was good.

Oh, yeah? Well, if you're offering up this rag-tag team to roll in the finals, y'all better bring it.

Madame Foster

Oh, it's already brung, sister.

Madame Foster

Ed, stop being a wimp!

Eduardo

No! Too noisy! Too scary!

Madame Foster

Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie. That's why I said, STOP BEING A WIMP!

Hey, Foster, maybe you ought to change your name from Foster's Fighters to Foster's Flatulence since you stink.

Madame Foster

Mac?

Mac

Yeah?

Madame Foster

I got some advice for you.

Mac

Anything.

Madame Foster

You see this ball?

Mac

Yeah.

Madame Foster

I need you to take it.

Mac

Yeah.

Madame Foster

And HIT SOME GLOATING PINS!

Mac

But I want to be part of the team.

Madame Foster

Good. Go polish the balls, go shine the shoes, go get some nachos. Wait, you're a smart kid. Go keep score, just don't bowl!

Wilt

[washing Madame Foster's car in the rain] Well, you wanna have a clean car.

Madame Foster

[honking] Less talks, more muscles!

Madame Foster

Oh, he seems nice. What's his name, dear?

Mac

Cheese.

Madame Foster

What's that dear?

Mac

Cheese.

Madame Foster

I'm sorry?

Mac

Cheese! His name is Cheese!

Madame Foster

Oh.

Bloo

CHEESE?

Cheese

Yes.

Mac

No, not you, Cheese. Yes. Cheese.

Cheese

Yes.

Mac

Not you.

Madame Foster

Run for your lives, boys! I'll stave him off!

Mac

What about Wilt?

Wilt

Don't worry Mac. I'll probably sink before the bear gets me.