Rochelle Rock quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Rochelle

Freeze! 'Cause I ain't raisin' no babies!

Narrator

Kool-Aid's gone Rambo.

Rochelle

Is this remedy of yours gonna work?

Julius

Oh, it'll work. It's been passed down for generations. My mother got it from my grandmother who got it from her great-grandmother who got it from a Puerto Rican lady.

Narrator

My father's home remedies were legendary. If you had a headache...

Julius

Baking soda and a pomegranate.

Narrator

If you were nauseous...

Julius

Catfish and grape jelly.

Narrator

If you were blind...

Julius

A tin cup and a white cane.

Narrator

Hey, he couldn't cure everything.

Chris

I can't eat this. My peas are touching my mashed potatoes.

Rochelle

Are they separated now?

Chris

Mm-hmm.

Oh, this is a disaster!

Rochelle

Can you believe what this is gonna do to the community?

I mean, why would you let your son Chris write a story like this when I'm tryin' to get reelected?

Rochelle

What? You worried about bein' reelected when my son is out there about to be snipped to death by a scissor killer! Is that what you sayin' to me?!

Uh, n-no, no.

Narrator

Yes!

I'm sayin', what would people think if I'm allowin' a serial killer to roam the neighborhood?!

Narrator

I hadn't seen spin like that since Usher battled Omarion.

Mr. Omar

With Himelfarb in office, everything will fall naturally into place.

Rochelle

OVER MY DEAD BODY!

Mr. Omar

That would be tragic, but if it were to happen, you can rest assured I'll give Mr. Julius a nice discount.

Mr. Omar

What kinda councilman got people campaignin' for him hollerin' outta windows? Vote for Himelfarb!

Rochelle

How you gonna vote for somebody if you can't even spell their name?! Vote Johnson!

Mr. Omar

We can't spell his name, 'cause Johnson ruined the schools. Vote Himelfarb! When I say "Himel," you say "Farb!" Himel!

Farb!

Mr. Omar

Himel!

Farb!

Rochelle

Well, at least Johnson ain't locked outta his own damn house! When I say "Locked," you say "Out!" Locked!

Out!

Rochelle

Locked!

Out!

Rochelle

That's what he is!

Greg

If this isn't special, I'd hate to see her overdo it.

Rochelle

Come, eat.

Narrator

Help! My mother's possessed by a nice lady!

Rochelle

Now, wait a minute. You know we say grace every night.

Chris

No we don't.

Rochelle

Yes we do. Shut up and bless the food.

Narrator

If I didn't thank the Lord at the table, my mom was gonna send me to thank Him in person!

Greg

What are you doing?

Chris

Turning to MacGyver.

Greg

But I wanted to watch NOVA.

Tonya

NOVA?!? What is that?

Greg

It's a show on PBS about science as it relates to the universe.

Drew

Cool! That's almost like MacGyver.

Chris

Just like Lawrence Welk is like Soul Train.

Rochelle

Chris, Greg is your guest. Let him watch NOVA. [to Greg, serving dessert] Gelato?

Narrator

Is that Italian for "Jell-O?"

Greg

Thanks!

Narrator

I thought havin' Greg stay over would be fun. Probably what the Indians thought when they first saw Columbus.

Julius

[on the phone] Rochelle, it's me. Listen, I won't be home for dinner tonight. I have to take a passenger to Vegas.

Rochelle

Vegas?! Julius, are you crazy? What about your regular job?

Julius

I have a few sick days I can use. I'll be back by the end of the week.

Rochelle

Julius, you are not drivin' that cab to Vegas.

Julius

The guy's gonna pay me $1000.

Rochelle

Get me Wayne Newton's autograph. Bye! [hangs up]

Julius

How was it havin' Greg over?

Chris

Cool. Can he stay over again sometime?

Rochelle

Are you nuts?! I never worked so hard in my entire life!

Drew

And I want my bed back!

Tonya

And she is not makin' me eat no more tofu.

Julius

Whoa, you gave your brother's bed to Greg?!

Drew

And you sit up here washin' dishes for the white man!

Tonya

And that little TV show NOVA was boring!

Rochelle

I'm tired of bein' a vegetarian short-order cook!

Rochelle

Girl, I am so excited! So, what styles do you have in mind?

Vanessa

Well, let me tell you about my follicular extravaganza.

Drew

My brain froze.

Rochelle

Well, you better thaw it out!

Rochelle

Julius is never gonna sleep with me again and everybody's gonna think I'm...

Narrator

My mom's career as a hair model was over faster than Pacman Jones' career as a citizen.

Narrator

A tax refund check is like a bonus for broke people: a bonus which my mother accepted with grace and class.

Rochelle

Kiss my ass, Visa!

Narrator

Visa was actually the name of the lady who collected bills for MasterCard.