Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

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Friends don't let friends die lonely.

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Watchin' Slaver Slav, I learned the most important thing about bein' a bad boy: When it comes to girls, the meaner, the better, and whatever you do, don't be nice.

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My father would take a coupon from Osama bin Laden.

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When I was 15 going on 16, the one thing I wanted most was a kiss from a girl, and I didn't care who it was, as long as she wasn't in my family!

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[As Tasha spins the bottle] Please, please, please. [Bottle doesn't land on Chris] Damn, damn, damn!

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The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Now, let's get to commercial before I start cursin'.

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Ridin' on that bus, I had two goals: to get the autograph and to get back home.

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At the Death Jubilee, I was beginnin' to realize that the BFD was a bunch of BS.

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My dad held on to money so tight, George Washington couldn't breathe.

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At 15, I was sick of bein' a nerd. When you're a nerd, people you want to pay attention to you ignore you, and the people you wish would ignore you, pay attention. And I was done with it.

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From now on, I was gonna be cool. Cool guys got everything: girls, cars, girls, money, girls.

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Voltron hadn't taken a shower in years.

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On Mother's Day, all I could do was hope my mom didn't know the difference between Pure Voodoo and Pure Voo-don't.

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Mother's Day was two days away, and I was up the creek without a present.

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Graduatin' from Corleone was one of the best days of my life because I was surrounded by my family, and this was the one day I wasn't gonna get punched, kicked, beat down or talked about.