Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

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Win or lose, I bet I'm in trouble!

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I found out one thing in life: If you want people to laugh, tell 'em a joke. Now, if you really want 'em to laugh, tell 'em a dirty joke.

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Ever since I was a kid, I always loved comedy. I loved cartoons, sitcoms and, most of all, stand-up comedians.

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Dirty jokes were one thing. Dirty words where a whole new ballgame.

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Going behind my mother's back to get help from my grandmother made me feel guiltier than Janet Jackson at a half-time show.

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When the going gets tough, the tough get going, so to Grandma's house I went.

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Someday Al Gore is gonna trace global warming back to that sink.

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Even while wearing a diaper, Greg could still run like the wind. The smelly wind.

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My father loved thrift stores because you could trade in your old clothes for some new old clothes.

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[as Yao fights Caruso] As far as I was concerned, this was better than Enter the Dragon.

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Caruso looked about as happy as Bobby Brown at a health food store.

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Clark Kent's got nothing on [my dad].

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[After Rochelle catches Julius doing his secret job] If that's what my mother looks like catching my father with another job, no wonder he never had another woman.

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Back on my dad's secret job, he didn't know it, but the shipment was about to hit the fan.

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My mom had her own style of driving: The Fast and the Furious: Bed-Stuy Drift.