Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Narrator

Nothing made Drew unwind better than watching hockey, and nothing could wind him up faster than Tonya.

Narrator

Tonya got more people in trouble than a white girl at an NBA after-party.

Narrator

That was a bigger fire hazard than pyrotechnics at a Great White concert.

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Because I was planning on cutting school, I was acting guiltier than Michael Richards at an NAACP convention.

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My biggest worry at this time was that the cops would think I was chasin' Greg.

Narrator

While we were cutting class, Greg was sweatin' like Lil' Kim in Sunday school.

Narrator

Back at the DMV, my father was DOA.

Narrator

In 1985, crime was on the rise everywhere, and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere.

Narrator

Everybody had a gold chain, and somebody was waiting to snatch it. Nobody was safe: not young people, not old people, not even dead people.

Narrator

For the first time in 15 years, my father got my mother to shut up.

Narrator

Black-on-black crime is nothing compared to Italian-on-Italian crime.

Narrator

Just as everyone else was scared by "The Exorcist," my father was scared by another movie: Night of the Lepus.

Narrator

When I was 14, I never got a chance to hang out with my dad much because all he did was work and sleep.

Narrator

Tonya loved Billy Ocean, so naturally, she joined the Billy Ocean fan club and sent off for an autographed picture. But it wasn't the first fan club she joined. There was the DeBarge fan club, the Shalamar fan club, even the Terence Trent D'Arby fan club. Too bad they were bought out by the Al B. Sure fan club.

Narrator

I thought about one girl so much when I was 16, I forgot I was 30.