Narrator quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Chris

I told you I'd be back.

Greg

Yeah, but for how long, Chris? For how long?

Narrator

That concludes another episode of "As the Nerd Turns."

Chris, you must be so happy. You must feel just like Jackie Robinson when Larry Doby arrived.

Narrator

More like Robert Parish when Dennis Johnson showed up.

Chris

Who's Larry Doby?

He was the second black man in baseball, but he was taller than Jackie... and more... strapping. His strong shoulders and Nubian profile, his Cleveland Indians uniform complimented by the rich caramel color of his skin, and the way he swung his bat.

Narrator

Forget jungle fever, she's havin' a jungle seizure!

Narrator

A tax refund check is like a bonus for broke people: a bonus which my mother accepted with grace and class.

Rochelle

Kiss my ass, Visa!

Narrator

Visa was actually the name of the lady who collected bills for MasterCard.

Chris

What do you want me to say? We have a lot in common. He gets stuff that you don't.

Greg

Like what?

Narrator

Sickle cell anemia.

Narrator

Ms. Morello was right. Hangin' out with Albert was cool, but I still felt bad about fightin' with Greg.

Caruso

There goes the neighborhood.

Hey, my dad's got an extra ticket to the Knicks game. He said I could bring somebody. You wanna go?

Chris

Are you kidding me? Heck yeah, I wanna go! Thanks, man.

Who would possess the vulgar cultural background and raw, angry street talent to do something like this?

Narrator

I'll give you one guess, and it starts with Albert.

Rochelle

Now, eat the damn cereal!

Narrator

Eat The Damn Cereal, comin' soon from Kellogg's!

Rochelle

Julius, is something wrong with your food?

Julius

No, uh, I'm just not hungry.

Narrator

For my father to waste food, that could only mean one thing: hell must've frozen over.

Damn, it's cold!

Julius

I can't stop worryin' about this refund. I keep havin' these nightmares. The government's gonna take all we own and we have to end up livin' in the street.

Rochelle

That is not gonna happen.

Narrator

It happened to Redd Foxx.

Chris

I changed my mind about the game.

I didn't really wanna go with you anyway!

Narrator

This is just like when Bobby Brown left New Edition.

Narrator

When it came to our friendship, we didn't see color.

Caruso

Hey Count Chocula. Hey Cap'n Crunch.

Narrator

Never woulda happened if I'd convinced Greg to wear blackface.

Tonya

Can I have some money to buy a Christmas present for my friend Monica?

Julius

I'm afraid that's not in accordance with the principles of Kwanzaa.

Narrator

Or my father's cheapness!

This year, my holiday gift to you is a homework assignment.

Narrator

I'm glad I didn't get her anything.

Greg

I'm gonna do what I do every Christmas at the old folks' home.

Chris

What's that?

Greg

Pose for pictures dressed as baby Jesus.

Narrator

I posed for pictures as big baby Jesus. R.I.P., ODB.

Narrator

Christmas was my mother's favorite time of year. She loved the food, and she loved the decorations. My father, on the other hand, hated Christmas. He hated the food.

Rochelle

I need to go grocery shoppin'.

Narrator

And he hated the decorations.

Rochelle

We need decorations.