Jack Carter quotes from Eureka

First Fargo humiliates me. And now you won't even let me masticate in peace.

Carter

... Well, not in public.

Carter

Someone robbed a bank!! YEAH!!

Vincent

Should he really be happy about that?

Carter

(practically skipping down the street) No blob, no wormhole, just a good old-fashioned bank robbery.

Andy

You seem downright perky, boss.

Carter

Yeah! We're gonna— we're gonna do fingerprints. We're gonna do a tire impression. We're gonna interview...

Carter

...witnesses. Andy?

Andy

Yeah, Boss?

Carter

You said there was a... bank robbery.

Andy

Yep, someone stole it last night.

Carter

Of course they did...

Carter

Do I have to lick the lock?

Holly

You can if you want, but that would be weird.

(to Dr. San Agustin) Well, uh, on that note, I'll let you get back to work.

Carter

Yeah, I should do the same.

Oh, you are working.

For me. Things will be heating up around here with the tighter deadlines. I'd appreciate your help with extra security.

Carter

Well, I'd love to, but, uh, I'm the town sheriff. So I have sheriffy things to do.

That's politician speak for, "you have to."

(beginning his reevaluation of Jack and Allison's relationship using the BioCortex Recorder) So, you two claim to work well together, despite your personal relationship.

Carter

But we DO work well together, I mean we can think of hundreds of (cuts off as images start filing the screen)

Excellent! I think we have what we need!

Allison

(surprised) Oh!

Carter

That's it?

Well what were you expecting, The Spanish Inquisition?

Carter

Well...no one EXPECTS The Spanish Inquisition.

Ms. Lupo, would you please tell Sheriff Carter that I'm receiving a call for police assistance at Dr. Welke's farm?

Carter

I've got ears, S.A.R.A.H., I'm right here.

Lupo

Dr. Welke's part of the Austraeus crew...Did he, uh, did he mention what happened?

He is reporting that Lenore has liquified.

Carter

Excuse me?

Jo

Come on. It'll be like old times, we'll do it together.

Carter

You hate jobs like this. Have you met you!?

Fargo

What the frak happened?

Zane

Carter stole my girlfriend.

Fargo

Really?

Carter

No, well yea... ZANE, bigger issues!

Carter

The Andies have been fixing people who can't follow orders.

Fargo

Do these people seem happy to an almost creepy degree?

Carter

Yeah. Big time.

Fargo

We may know what they're using.

Holly

Isaac's ASS!

Carter

That seems unlikely.

Carter

Andy, break open these bars.

Andy

Uh... These bars are hardened carbon nano tubing boss, I'm not gonna be able to break these

Carter

Then, then we do something else. Dig robot, Dig!

Carter

How long between the switch flipping and the fireball of destruction?

Fargo

I can rig a delay that should buy you 10, 12 seconds.

Carter

But the remote will work once we get outside GD, right?

Theoretically.

Carter

I... hate that word

Carter

I'm pretty relieved to be back in my body.

Fargo

Yeah, me too. You really had to go to the little boy's room.

Carter

Well... [Realizes] Tell me you didn't take me. Tell me you didn't use your boy hands down there!

Fargo

They were your hands!

Carter

You call that 5 minutes?

Deputy Andy

4 mins 32 seconds actually, I bet time crawls by when your sinking to your doom.

Carter

mmmmm fair point, why don't we get me out of the quicksand then!