Greg Pratt quotes from E.R.

Abby

Didn't you used to be ... ?

Gates

A paramedic? Yeah, now I'm an intern.

Pratt

Next week he wants to be a cowboy.

Gates

Astronaut.

Pratt

Wait, what are you doing?

Abby

I'm pumping. Sorry, my boobs are about to explode!

Pratt

Dawn, meet Josie Weller.

Delightful to meet you! I've been so looking forward to this day!

Dawn

We're going to radiology, not Disneyland.

Marvelous squared!

Pratt

[Sees Luka bringing baby Joe to work] Who's this- the new chief of E.R?

Luka

Uh-huh. Training, so I can retire early.

Pratt

Good, we can use some new blood around here.

Gates

I'm new!

Pratt

You're too old to be new, Gates.

Kerry

Wow, I hope you didn't get that hitting a patient.

Pratt

Intern.

Kerry

Why are you even here?

Pratt

Paracentesis on a patient Gates couldn't handle.

Kerry

Welcome to being an attending. Wait, you didn... you... you and Gates didn't... You know what? I don't need to know!

Pratt

[about Courtney Brown] Who was that?

Kerry

I just told you who she was.

Pratt

C'mon, hook a brother up-

Kerry

You know, your gaydar is terrible, even for a straight man.

Pratt

Oh. Well [chuckles] You have excellent taste in women, Dr. Weaver.

Kerry

Of course I do.

Pratt

Hey, um... can I ask you something personal?

Kerry

Maybe. [smiles]

Pratt

Ok. How, um...When [pauses] did you know you were gay?

Kerry

Are you coming out to me, Greg?

Pratt

No, no, no, no. I came home and found my brother with another guy.

Kerry

Really?

Pratt

Yeah. He says he's just experimenting, that it's only a phase.

Kerry

And what do you think?

Pratt

I don't know. Can a straight guy go through a gay phase?

Kerry

I think it's more likely that he's gay. Hey, and he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear.

Kerry

All right; how do you stay so skinny and eat so much?

Uh, look who's talking, little skinny mini.

Pratt

Well, it seems like good genes to me.

You want to come over and watch some football with me and Kerry tomorrow?

Pratt

[whispering to Kerry] Damn, you're lucky.

Pratt

Turns out, not everyone who experiments is gay.

Kerry

Excuse me?

Pratt

I'm talking about my brother, Chaz. It's like he said, it's just a phase.

Kerry

Is that so?

Pratt

Yep. You remember that girl he took home for Thanksgiving?

Kerry

Um hmm.

Pratt

Well, she spent the night. My brother's straight!

Kerry

Gee, Greg, you must be so proud.

Pratt

What? No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, uhh...well, you, you know.

Kerry

Yeah, and you're not my only black friend.

You must be that guy who's always riding Uncle Tony. You know, like a bull in heat?

Gates

Shh!

Pratt

So, uh, what else does Uncle Tony say about me?

The rest I'm not allowed to say.

Pratt

You want me to talk to this dude because I'm black.

Well, yeah. I mean, you are black, aren't you?

Pratt

That's wrong, Morris.

What? We do this all the time! If I had a pregnant girl, I might get Abby. Big Croatian, Kovac.

Pratt

I didn't come to you with my autistic Irish kid.

You could've! You should've!

Luka

OK, listen up- I've got reassignments for all of you during the E.R. closure.

Pratt

How come you're just telling us this today?

Luka

I thought I could prevent this, but Anspaugh's not budging.

Malik

How long we shuttin' down for?

Luka

I'm not sure.

Chuny

Great- I'm sure I'll end up giving enemas in Geriatrics.

Luka

No, you're going to I.C.U. [Chuny looks relieved] Malik, Geriatrics. [Malik looks incredulous] Pratt, Family Medicine. Abby, you're going to the NICU-

Abby

Uh, I'm not going to the NICU. [Luka looks up quickly, then remembers]

Luka

Right. I'll, uh, fix that.

Gates

You can't send me home!

You shoulda thought about that before, cowboy.

Gates

I helped the guy without sedation-

You went against my orders!

Gates

Oh come on, Morris-

And you're supposed to be a soldier-

Gates

[angry]) I am a soldier! A real one!

Coulda fooled me.

Gates

You're acting like I killed the guy-

I am sick and tired of you not taking orders! In the time that you got here, you have placed a subclavian line without supervision, you tapped a V.P. shunt without even calling neurosurgery, you overrode an Attending to give Digibind to a guy who was already brain-dead!

Gates

[sarcastically] What, you keepin' score?

[counting on his fingers] Transposed numbers, falsified charts, you're slow as hell with documentation-

Gates

You know what, you sound like my old girlfriend-

And still you act like you're God's gift to medicine! Like, like you're too good to seek advice or need help. [Gates smirks] You're arrogant and dangerous, and I've had enough. We all have. Go home.

Gates

Where's Kovac?

This is my call, not his.

Gates

Okay. [walks off]

Pratt

What was that all about?

I sent him home

Pratt

[shrugs] I tried that, once.

Pratt

You guys know me, I've never been married before.

But he's dated women who were!

Leave your mom out of it, Morris!

Ohhhh!

Gates

What's your damage, Ray?

Ray

[drunk] My damage is that you walked into our E.R. like you owned the place. I don't appreciate that, and nobody else does.

Gates

[smirks] Ray, I realize that you don't like me, but sooner or later you're gonna have to get used to living with me- 'cause I ain't going nowhere.

Ray

You wanna leave a mess wherever you go? That's up to you. But there are two things I will not let you screw around with. That is patient's lives, and-

Gates

And what, Ray?

Ray

[pause, referring to Neela] And her.

Gates

Hey, I care about her, you selfish little piss-head! [Pratt and Morris move forward and try to break them up]

Ray

I bet you almost had yourself convinced about that. But, see, the problem is- is that- you're the only one that buys it!

Pratt

Come on, Ray, let's go sober up-

Gates

Wait, wait, wait. Let me just say, Ray- that thing you guys had in the past? It's over. Finished, done! [Neela appears]

Neela

Tony- [they both look at her, then back at each other]

Ray

You don't know how to take care of her. [swallows the rest of his drink]

Neela

Ray, please-

Gates

[picks up his drinks] Well, Ray- at least I'm trying. [starts to walk away, Morris looks relieved]

Ray

That's right, that's right- like you took care of Meg, huh?

[Morris walks in on Pratt and Abby watching an online adult video] What are you guys watching?

Abby

It's a website, hosted by a couple of our patients.

Pratt

Does that look consensual to you?

Oh yeah! That's sensual.

Abby

[smacks Morris over the head] Consensual.