John Carter quotes from E.R.

Dr. Carter...

Carter

Uh... I'm not coming.

You're what?

Carter

I have a patient who needs my attention.

Rounds are a pre-requisite for this program, Doctor.

Carter

So is patient care.

You come to rounds today or don't ever come to rounds again.

Carter

I'll be there if and when I can!

You'll get a lot of thank-yous from the female population over at Riverview. I don't wanna brag, but...

Carter

Yeah? You a pretty popular guy over there?

Well, I seem to be... I never was much of a Casanova in my day. I didn't go in for all the wild positions and so forth. Ladies need that, all the positions.

Carter

So I've heard.

And the sweet talk. I was never much for that either. I was mostly meat and potatoes. But now, I'm 82, I'm a man, I'm breathing. The odds are 12-to-1 in my favor. I'm getting it any time I want. Not too bad, old age.

Carter

I'm glad to hear it. Glad to hear it. I tell you, it feels good to save a man who's performing such a service to society.

Stud service!

Carter

Time of death is 9:56.

Mark

Call an attending when there's a full arrest. You get help. You don't try and play the hero.

Carter

I've run them before.

Mark

That was up in surgery. You work here now.

Mark

You're in early.

Carter

Yeah, I wanted to be in before my med student.

Mark

Ah, your very own scut puppy.

Carter

Somebody to pick up my labs. Do a patient history. The occasional obligatory rectal exam...

Mark

Someone to abuse.

Carter

No, no, no, this is about teaching. This is completely about teaching.

Mark

The way Benton taught you?

Carter

Or even better.

Carter

You know, I'm not your student anymore.

Benton

I know that.

Carter

Then you can treat me like any other colleague.

Benton

You're not a colleague. You're an intern!

Carter

For three years, I did everything you asked of me and more. I deserved your respect because I earned it.

Benton

And you threw it away!

Carter

Why? Because I don't want to be like you?

Benton

No, because you wasted my time.

Carter

This isn't about your time. This is about your egotism.

Benton

Yeah, yeah, right, Carter. I'm egotistical. You know what? I got a lot of people that worked that damn hard to make sure I am where I am and for them, I got be self-centered. I don't take time for anything. But, you... man, man. I did for you, Carter. I did, man. You decide you don't want to be a surgeon, you don't come to me. You go to Anspaugh.

Carter

Well, I was afraid you'd talk me out of it.

Benton

I wish I had the chance to try.

Carter

Hey, okay. You're right. I'm sorry.

Benton

Can I go home now?

Carter

Yeah.

Benton

You know what, Carter? You don't wanna be treated like my student? Stop seeking my approval.

Carter

[on inserting a catheter] Now you are ready to insert, applying gentle, constant pressure.

Isn't this a nurse's job?

Carter

You need to know how, Ivan. So grab that penis, and show it who's boss.

Anna

Have you considered medical management? Treat the abscess with a course of Flagyl and Cipro before jumping into surgery?

Carter

I'm willing to give a shot.

Anna

No, no, no, wait. Are you just agreeing with me because you think that's what I want to hear, or do you really believe that?

Carter

What?

Anna

I just don't want you agreeing with me just to please me.

Carter

Believe me, I'm not. I've already considered several alternatives to surgery.

You have?

Carter

Shut up, Henry!

Mark

What happened to your student? I thought she was gonna stick around.

Carter

She went up to watch Benton operate. I think she got bored.

Mark

We're not here to entertain, Carter.

Carter

You know, she seemed so interested. I was supposed to inspire those students, but I don't think I did a very good job.

Mark

Inspire them? How?

Carter

Through our passion. For what we do.

Mark

Passion?

Carter

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Mark

Carter, you come here every day. Sometimes you're really cooking, and sometimes you're not. But you're here every day doing your work. And one day you'll look up and maybe 10 years will have passed. It'll be the sum total of what you've done that counts. Not the passion.

Benton

These seminars are a waste of time. All they want to know is if I've ever killed anybody.

Carter

What do you tell them?

Benton

Just med students.

What's the weirdest thing you have taken out of somebody's rectum?

Carter

Umm, a bowling trophy.

Anna

You're leaving in the middle of your shift. It's about your cousin, isn't it?

Carter

I know what I'm doing.

Anna

You don't look like you know what you're doing.

Carter

[annoyed] And you don't know anything about my family, so just drop it.

Jerry

Carter, what do you think the best approach with Weaver is? Contrition? Indignation?

Malik

Begging.

Carter

I think I would just appeal to her innate sense of fairness.

Lydia

She has a sense of fairness?

Carter

Yeah. Just remind her that you've been on nights now for...

Jerry

Four months.

Carter

And that you think your exemplary work history, and your many years of loyal service, marred only by one minor incident...

Lydia

Blowing up the ambulance bay.

Carter

...makes it incumbent upon her to bring you back to the land of the living.

Malik

I still say beg.

[just entered the ER] What the hell is this?

Anna

You can't come in here, the ER's contaminated!

What happened?

Anna

They just showed up covered in benzine. Okay, somebody clear out the lobby!

Jerry

[yelling back at the Paramedic who's shouting at him] You didn't control the scene! They came here in a pickup truck!

Carter

MOVE THIS GURNEY OUT OF THE WAY.

Carter

Alright, EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!! EVERYBODY shut up! [Jeanie: Send them to Mercy!] We are going to evacuate the entire ER. Check every room, all contaminated patients and staff, go to the ambulance bay right now!

Malik

Wait a minute, how do we know who's contaminated?

Carter

If you got a spot on your skin, if you got a spot on your gurney, if you got a spot on your clothes, go outside right now!

Benton

Alright, you heard him! Move, move, move, go!

Carter

When was the last time anyone bathed this guy?

Chuny

From the looks of these bedsores, about the same time they turned him.

Carter

So much for "honor thy father."

Chuny

Hey, Anna, are you the one who had that voodoo woman yesterday?

Anna

She's back?

Chuny

Yeah, exam 3. Chief complaint: voodoo man has taken over her body.

Anna

Wait a minute, this isn't the same one. My voodoo patient was 60-something.

Carter

I had a voodoo guy last week.

Chuny

Oh, no. Voodoo epidemic.