Ed quotes

Warren

[on why he didn't attend a party] I decided to go down to the Home Depot and buy a whole crapload of lumber. I like to build big things.

Mike

[to Ed] My God, it is so embarrassing when you try to act like an actual guy.

Phil

[to Ed] When did you stop being 'my man' and start being 'The Man'?

Molly

[to Carol] When it comes to human interest stories, you can never go wrong with abnormally large produce.

Phil

[to AFL-CIO reps] Don't let me rot to death in this sweatshop!

Nancy

[on Mike] We all do stupid little things we're not proud of.

Warren

[to Rabbi] Playing hard to get, nice...very svelte...

Warren

I'm not really here to confess. Just taking the booth for a test drive.

[to Warren] Tell them you won't sign with anyone till they get you in a room with God himself.

Ed

[to Carol] Let me cut to the chase: your boyfriend's an ass. Fry?

[to Warren] Last time I mentioned this girl, your face popped out like a blowfish.

Warren

You have no way of knowing this, but I am usually very, very cool.

Mike

[to Ed] You hear that whistle? It's the Carol train leaving the station.

Warren

[on seasoned curly fries] They're too complicated. It's like my tongue is taking an exam.

Mike

Ed, I'm going to get us a couple of extremely cold beers and you and I are going out on the back porch for a good old fashioned father-son talk.

Warren

[to Diane] Tonight your every foot fall should be cushioned by rose petals. And if I run out of rose petals, I have Styrofoam peanuts.