Ed quotes

[in a tattoo parlor] I feel like I'm gonna get hepatitis just standing here.

Warren

[to Jessica, as she is dumping him] Jess, come on. Throw a dog a bone.

Shirley

Good luck finding the beautiful psychotic lady. Toodle-oo.

Molly

I never thought that knowing how to play the recorder could be such a liability.

Life is about opening doors...to new places, new people, new opportunities.

Ed

What kinds of opportunities have you gotten by acting like a raving lunatic?

Warren

Your fickle friends Who, What Where, Why and When can fly you to the moon one day and leave you high and dry and begging for mercy the next.

Warren

[on Dennis] He's a very unpredictable man, with the temperament of a jungle cat, I might add.

Phil

Where there's chaos, there's opportunity, baby!

Ed

I'm in hell.

Phil

[showing the truckers his edible air fresheners] Now that's a 10-4 if I ever tasted one, good buddy.

Phil

Truckers don't live on gas, grass, and ass alone.

Molly

[to Jim] Get out of this school now or my hand to god, I will kick your ass in front of the A/V squad.

Lloyd Stevens

A guy doesn't want to be a 10. A guy wants to be a solid 7. Anything above that starts to ask more questions than it answers.

Mike

[on Nancy's internet chatting addiction] Pass me the yellow pages, would you, hon? I want to start looking for one of those cult deprogrammers.

Warren

[on dating Diane] It would never work. Diane is a cynic. Warren Cheswick is a dreamer.

Warren Cheswick is a jack ass.

Lloyd Stevens

[to Ed] Will you relax? You've got the constitution of a titmouse.