Warren Cheswick quotes from Ed

Warren

[on why he didn't attend a party] I decided to go down to the Home Depot and buy a whole crapload of lumber. I like to build big things.

Warren

[to Rabbi] Playing hard to get, nice...very svelte...

Warren

I'm not really here to confess. Just taking the booth for a test drive.

Warren

[on seasoned curly fries] They're too complicated. It's like my tongue is taking an exam.

Warren

[to Diane] Tonight your every foot fall should be cushioned by rose petals. And if I run out of rose petals, I have Styrofoam peanuts.

Warren

I'm very fond of enormous pants, music that combines elements of heavy metal and rap, and most of all, skateboarding.

Warren

[watching Kenny bowl towards 300] A chance to witness perfection. Last time I did that, I was doing shirtless sit ups in the mirror.

Warren

[about Carol] She's so bootylicious as a middle aged woman, I tremble to think how she must've been when she was young.

Warren

[to Ed] Right up until you nailed that hot DA a couple years ago, I thought you were as gay as a French horn.

Warren

That's why God put me here, assuming there is a God and he puts people places.

Warren

[eating ice cream with Stella at the cemetery] Here we are enjoying all this creamy deliciousness and there they are, dead.

Warren

I fear losing my virginity would compromise my intense spirituality.

Warren

[about Stella] She's about as white as a trout's belly.

Warren

[examining prophylactics with Mark] Imagine something this ornate coming at you.

Warren

[to Mark, about his health] What am I supposed to do, shut up and watch you kill yourself?