Bradford Buzzard quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Bradford

This has gone too far. The ducks almost cost us the world today. And without the world, who would we larceny against? The pieces are finally in place. Time to come out of the shadows, take control, and end Clan McDuck. If the McDuck family wants an adventure... we'll give them their last.

Bradford

[after Gyro interrupts a business meeting] I'm sorry, but we-

Gyro

Apology accepted, now try to keep up with my mind-numbing genius.

Scrooge

Gyro, what did we say about interacting with other people?

Gyro

[scoffs] The cards. Fine. [takes out index cards and begins reading] "Hello, Mr. McDuck... and others. Are you tired of all those single-use gadgets cluttering up your junk drawer? What a mess! There's got to be a better way!" [pulls out a small robot] Meet Lil' Bulb. A tiny, all-purpose robot that does it all.

Bradford

Wait, what does it do?

Gyro

It. All. Lil' Bulb is an artificially intelligent personal robot helper. He can make toast, find your keys, serve as a book light for your late-night reading. You'll never have to do anything yourself again.

Bradford

Mmhmm. And how will you ensure this one won't achieve sentience and turn evil like all the others?

Gyro

Only half my inventions turn evil. The other half are just wildly misunderstood.

Louie

A robot that does everything for you? How could you say no to that?

Scrooge

Part of hard work is knowing how to work with others. My board are the only people cheaper than I am. I trust them completely to make good financial decisions-

Bradford

Indeed. Which is why we've called this meeting to discuss cutting your unnecessary spending here at the Money Bin.

Scrooge

Unnecessary?! I'm Scrooge McDuck! I don't spend one penny more than I need to!

Bradford

It says here you're spending $15,000,000 on magical defense.

Scrooge

Do you have any idea how many vengeance curses I have on my head?!

Louie

[inserts a dollar into the Pep soda vending machine, but isn't enough to deposit ten cents] $1.10?! Who keeps dimes on them anymore? [heads back to Scrooge's office, notices the dime resting on a red velvet pillow and takes it] Sweet! Scrooge has an emergency dime. [inserts the dime into the vending machine and gets a Pep soda can] I'll pay you back later.

Bradford

But how do you justify spending $5,000 on a velvet pillow for a dime?

Scrooge

That dime deserves its own velvet pillow! It's my number-one dime. The first dime I ever earned. I was a young shoeshine in Glasgow when a man came in, his boots cemented in mud. I worked, and worked until those boots sparkled. In return, he gave me an American dime. That dime inspired me to move to America and find my fortune. It means more to me than every bit of bullion in my Money Bin.

Scrooge

Would you knock it off with the song?!

Huey

Wait, that song. Is that the Tittertwill Bird of Knowledge?!

Louie

The whobada bird of what now?

Huey

The legendary mascot of the Woodchucks! Descended from the personal pet of Isabella Finch herself!

Dewey

It wasn't distracting us. It was guiding us to Finch's treasure!

Scrooge

I cannae believe it. The last treasure of Isabella Finch!

Webby

It was under our noses this whole time!

It's more precious than I ever could've imagined.

Louie

The treasure is a book?! Boo!

Scrooge

It's Finch's Lost Adventure Journal! It contains all the adventures she had, advice she left for future generations.

Webby

She really did have the answer to everything.

Scrooge

Or almost everything...

Huey

The Missing Mysteries? This is a list of legends Finch never found! The Stone of What Was! The Lost Harp of Mervana! The Third Eye Diamond! This could help us find the greatest lost mysteries of all time!

Scrooge

Now that is an adventure. What do ya say, family?

Yeah!

Dewey

My name is Dewey!

Gandra

The ducks found the journal.

Black Heron

Access to the most mysterious relics lost to time.

Bradford

Then the race is on.

Black Heron

Oh, what a rush. We got them!

Bradford

That was terrible.

Black Heron

That was classic.

Bradford

Why did we reveal ourselves?! We could have landed the plane safely, captured them. I--

Black Heron

Embrace your wild side, Bradford. We're supervillains.

Bradford

No, we are not. Your showboating is going to cost us the papyrus.

Black Heron

Please, there is no way that Scrooge and his brats are going to survive the… [the plane flys and lands past them]

We're alive! Yay!

Bradford

Ugh, let's move.

Bradford

Hello, Agent Dee.

Gandra

Director Buzzard. I…

Bradford

I hear you were considering leaving F.O.W.L.

Gandra

Yes, that's right. I'm not scared of what people think anymore. I've got something better going on now, and that doesn't include F.O.W.L.

Bradford

But I'm afraid your request is denied. [snaps his fingers, summoning some Egghead soldiers and they grab hold of her] And for using precious F.O.W.L. resources to build your little "cloud," I'll be docking you two weeks pay. Oh, and locking you up indefinitely. Take her to the Lost Library!

Gandra

[as the Egghead soldiers take her away] What?! What library?!

Bradford

You have your secrets, Agent Dee. And I have mine. [smirks evilly]

Huey

Gyro?

Gyro

Hat nephew?

Gandra

Huey?

Huey

Gandra? What's going on here?!

Bradford's Grand Plan.

Gyro

Ludwig Von Drake? Impossible! You were ancient in the 60s. How are you not dead?

Well, between being captured and that Bradford forcing me to carry out his evil will, I was getting so busy, that I never got around to it.

Huey

Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah. What do you mean "evil will?" Bradford is just studying artifacts. It's what any Junior Woodchuck would do.

Ho-ho! Bradford wasn't just the first Woodchuck, he was the worst Woodchuck. He hated and couldn't stand adventuring with his granny-mama! He wants to get rid of it entirely altogether.

Gandra

Bradford harnessed the Solego Circuit to create a dimensional void. It erases things from reality forever!

Huey

Do you know what this means? Bradford is collecting artifacts because he wants to rid the world of anything adventurous!

Gandra

And he's not just getting rid of artifacts.

Huey

He's gonna erase my family! I GOTTA WARN EVERYONE! [runs off but bumps into Bradford]

Bradford

What a disappointment.

Bradford

Look what you've made me into! A base villain!

Bentina

The Sword of Swanstantine amplifies who you are inside!

Della

This is all you, ya buzzard!

Huey

Bradford, your contract is FLAWED!

Bradford

What?! Impossible! I've worked on it for thirty years! Went over with the finest toothcombs!

Louie

According to this, Scrooge can be with his family as long as he doesn't adventure.

Huey

But family is the GREATEST ADVENTURE OF ALL!

Bradford

That's... the stupidest thing I've ever heard. There's no way that-- [the Papyrus promptly disintegrates the contract] No NO! [he is drained of his power] I will not lose to Scrooge!

Scrooge

You didn't lose to me. You lost to my family. ALL of them!

Ma Beagle

Really? And you're supposed to be Scrooge's greatest villain?

Glomgold

He's not even wearin' a kilt!

Bradford

Please, no! I'm not a villain!

Magica De Spell

No, you certainly are not.