Launchpad McQuack quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Forgive Dr. Gearloose. He's a little more deranged than usual trying to figure out how Beaks beat him to the self-driving car.

Launchpad

That won't be a problem once I put that tin can in its place. In the recycling, where the garbage goes.

Woof. We'll work on smack talk later. Right now, we need something to help Launchpad get the edge on B.U.D.D.Y.

Step into my laboratory.

Your lab is in the bathroom?

Dr. Gearloose says this is the perfect place for my work. I'm just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary. No matter!

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[as the B.U.D.D.Y. car malfunctions]

Launchpad

I may not be Mr. McD's driver for much longer, but he can still count on me to get him where he's going. I'll keep him busy. You figure out a way to get them out of that car.

I think I got something for that. You try corralling them into a ravine, or-

Launchpad

I'll probably just crash into it.

Isn't that really, really unsafe?

Launchpad

Tried playing safe, old friend. Didn't work. [takes out his Darkwing Duck bobblehead figure] Let's get dangerous.

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Launchpad

Have a good day, Mr. McDee.

Nice work today, Launchpad. See you tomorrow.

Launchpad

You're not gonna replace me?

Replace you? Don't be daft. Where would I ever find a driver as crazy and dangerous as I am? Oh! Dewey told me about your driver's license. Congratulations.

Launchpad

[hugs Scrooge] Awww, your approval is all the driver's license I need! [tries to tear the license] Come on!

You should really keep the license.

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[in a calm tone] Precision. Excellence. Men in funny hats. Welcome to the Duckburg Billionaire's Club Golf Invitational. The only golf tournament to take place on the world's most exotic and expensive courses. This year sees Scrooge McDuck facing off against Flintheart Glomgold, here at scenic Moorshire, the birthplace of golf. I'm Huey Duck, attempting to earn my Junior Woodchuck Merit Badge for Sports Commentary. I'll be here all day providing nuanced analysis-

Launchpad

ARE. YOU. READY FOR SOME GOOOLF?!

[sigh] The badge does require a co-commentator.

Launchpad

Two combatants. One hole. No rules.

That's not actually- WATCH OUT!

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Scrooge, the returning champion, approaching the first hole.

Launchpad

He's probably worried Glomgold will use his one free tackle before the speed round in the third quarter.

What do you think is happening here?

Launchpad

One heck of a game!

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Welcome back to the Billionaire's Club Classic, where in a bizarre turn of events, the players have become trapped in some sort of mystical faerie realm.

Launchpad

For more, we go to two tiny horses.

What are you- ah!

[two soaked colorful horses walk up]

BBriar

Greetings! We're Briar, and Bramble, the keepers of this realm.

Webby

Talking animals wearing clothes?!

Oh, no, did we die? Are we in Webby heaven?

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There you have it. Another brash young upstart destined to surpass his aging mentor.

Is the commentary still necessary?

It helps me feel in control during a, frankly, insane situation.

Launchpad

[in a nuanced tone] I like talking this way, 'cause it makes everything sound important. Baloney trampoline.

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What do you mean I can't go? If I don't participate, I'll never get my commemorative Cookout Badge. That means a lopsided sash, Launchpad. A lopsided sash!

Launchpad

Sorry, but it's the Three-Man Cookout. I didn't get to be a Troop Leader by bending the rules. I got it by crashing the bus during a camping trip, and the other leaders quitting.

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Launchpad

We'll be arriving in a couple hours, Mr. McDee.

Remember, this trip needs to remain a secret, Launchpad. No one should know where we're going.

Launchpad

Way ahead of you. [puts a blindfold on]

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We are beyond lost, and- Is this compass a sticker?

Launchpad

Ha ha! Stickers are for kids! Grownups call them decals.

Then how do you navigate?

Launchpad

Instincts. A keen eye. Quick thinking. [panics as he nearly crashes into a mountain, only to dodge at the last moment] ... And a cool head.

A cool head needs a cool hat. Not unlike this bold and daring chapeau. And the story behind it is equally bold and daring.

Do you mind doing whatever it is you're doing later? I'm trying to get us home safe, and... This radar is an ant farm?

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We all know that's Don Karnage, right?

Launchpad

He seems to know a lot about plants.

You know, he might be able to help us find that pirate ship faster.

Don Karnage

Yes! I will lead you to the ship so I can kill... -ect that flower? Oh look! Leaves! [grabs some leaves on the ground, and the Caterpillar fake moustache crawls onto them]

Just get on the plane, and don't steal anything this time.

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Launchpad

[setting up a lawn chair] Sorry, Mrs. B. Only chair I could find.

Seatbelts?

Launchpad

Oh... um... [puts a flotation ring around her] When we crash, it can be used as a flotation device.

When we crash?

Long time since you've been in the field, eh, Agent 22?

And this plane would have been dangerously outdated even then. I'm counting one, two, three... 14 safety violations.

Launchpad

Aw, come on. Every time the Sunchaser goes down, she always gets right back up in the air.

"Every time?" I allow the children to travel with you because I assume you're keeping them safe.

Ah, jengs. Launchpad, give the old bird, a tour of the old bird to show her there's nothing to worry about. I'll take the wheel-stick thingie.

Sorry, when did you learn to fly a massive cargo plane?

Please, I'm Scrooge McDuck. If Launchpad can do it, how hard can it be?

Launchpad

Not very!

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[as Dewey goes outside the plane to get the piece of paper]

No. Not again.

Webby

[through the radio] Dewey, this is crazy! The mystery's not worth it!

Louie

[through the radio] I get it, but you can't give up the rest of us to find the one person we lost!

Launchpad

[through the radio] Dewey! The Darkwing Duck video is still running! Do you want me to pause it until you get back?

[through the radio] Give me that. Dewey, our family is amazing! We're enough! Let it go!

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[after Scrooge tells them how their mother vanished]

[angry] Cool... so you're the reason our mom is gone!

[shocked] What? No! I..I--

Launchpad

[the plane begins to lean forward] Um, guys?

You built her a crazy dangerous super rocket!

Which she stole early!

Then you encouraged her to keep flying through a cosmic storm? You could have called her down, there were too many variables!

Now boys, you don't know....

Louie

And you're the richest duck in the world! Why didn't you send up more ships to look for her?

[growing frustrated] I spared no expense!

[coldly] Yeah, right. Cheap old Scrooge probably bailed as soon as it put a dent in his money bin.

Launchpad

[the plane leans further] Um, guys?

Webby

Take it easy Dewey, he may have a point. Even if gifting an experimental rocket to a mother of three was clearly a terrible idea!

This is a family matter! You are not family!

See here, McDuck. You will not speak to my granddaughter that way.

You will not speak to me that way! None of you! After everything I do for you, you're all nothing but trouble!

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Launchpad

[pulls up to McDuck Manor's gates, and rings the gate buzzer] Howdy, Mr. McDee! Don't worry, I'm not here to check on you on account of everyone moving out, because the boys blamed you for launching their mom to space and orphaning them. I'm here to take you out for ice cream! Mmmm, sounds good, right? Family crisis- I mean, ice cream!