Launchpad McQuack quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Webby

Step one. We throw the boys a farewell party to convince them they don't want to move.

Launchpad

Step two. Reveal surprise guest, Scrooge, and remind them how much they all miss each other!

Webby

Step three. There is no step three, because we just nailed it in two steps!

Launchpad

[bringing in drinks] Mmmm, the Family-tini. Old family recipe. Tastes like the loving embrace of family.

Huey

[looking at the drinks] Are these melted popsicles in cups?

Launchpad

The stirrer has a riddle on it.

Mrs. Beakley

[presenting the boys with pie] Apple shortbread pie, with a scoop of sea salt ice cream. A common farewell dessert in certain parts.

Dewey

Finally, some real food.

Mrs. Beakley

[takes the pie away] Oh, I'm so sorry. This was Scrooge's favorite dessert. I don't want to remind you of that horrid man who lost your mother all those years ago, even if it was an accident that tore him up for ten years, propelling him into a desperate search attempt that left him broken, and nearly bankrupt.

Louie

Wait, bankrupt? Really?

Mrs. Beakley

But I understand. You're upset because you lost one family member, which was terrible and painful, so you decided you should go ahead and lose another. Brilliant. Makes perfect rational sense.

Dewey

[angry] Yeah. Nailed it, Mrs. B.

Mrs. Beakley

Yes. Distance yourself even further from his life and forsake family altogether. That will definitely fix it.

Launchpad

No! It'll do the opposite of that!

Mrs. Beakley

Perhaps it's worth considering that the reason Scrooge closed himself off was because the loss of Della was the hardest thing he'd ever faced. Harder than any adventure. It's not that he didn't care, it's that he cared about family more than anything in the world. And perhaps he still does. But I'm just the housekeeper. What do I know?

Launchpad

A LOT! THIS LADY KNOWS A LOT!

Donald

Everybody listen up! [unintelligible jabbering]

[beat] What?

Launchpad

Did anyone get any of that?

Huey

It's mostly just context clues.

Louie

We get like every third word.

Dewey

Nope. Completely unintelligible.

Donald

I'LL SHOW YOU UNINTELLIGIBLE!!!

Launchpad

[starting up the Sunchaser] Pilot to co-pilot, we are ready for launch. Could be dangerous. Suggested flight path?

Let's get dangerous.

Dewey

Perhaps we'll discover a bold new species they'll name after me. "Deweybiggus Magnificus." No, no, no, wait. "The Great Blue Dewfin."

Launchpad

Mmmm…

Dewey

Meh, more thinking it. How about "The Dewfish?"

Huey

There's already a Dewfish, commonly known as the freshwater catfish.

Dewey

Ew, gross! No. Gotta fix that and give the name to something cooler.

[seductivly] Launchpad! Oh, Launchpad!

Launchpad

Oceanika? Is that you, my love?

Launchpad

Farewell, sweet Oceanika. Whenever I put a conch shell to my ear, I won't hear the ocean, I'll hear your-

Dewey

Uh, Launchpad, what happened to you?

Launchpad

Oh. Just ran into an old friend, snorkeled around, saw some... sea stuff.

Launchpad

That is not Darkwing Duck. D.W.'d never hurt innocent people or set the city on fire. Not on purpose.

But are we all not both the heroes and the villains of our own story?

Launchpad

What? I don't-- What?

Scrooge

I'm sure you learned... something.

Della

No. Not this time.

Louie

What? But I really am sorry! We hugged and everything!

Della

I watched your brothers blink out of existence because you wanted a shortcut to riches!

Louie

I said I was sorry!

Della

You took off in that contraption without thinking about the consequences, or the people you would hurt!

Louie

[annoyed] I wonder who I got that from.

Launchpad

Oh...

Beakley

See here, young man.

Della

[holds up her hand] (Beakley, I got this.) Your little scheme to bypass the present almost cost us our future. This all stops now! You are grounded! No schemes, no treasures, and Louie Incorporated is done! Understand?!

Louie

Look, let me clean up, okay? Uncle Scrooge? Mrs. B? Come on!

Della

To…your…room!

Louie

[kicks the Time Tub; muttering grumpily as he walks upstairs to his bedroom] Stupid perfect scheme.

Scrooge

RRRRGH Blasted tartar sauce!

Launchpad

Uhhh, is he okay?

Beakley

He's...strategizing. Everything's fine. Sure, we had an army before and now there's only an elite squad of five...

Four.

I've decided you're doomed. My time would be better served preparing your places in the afterlife. Cheerio.

Beakley

...not reassuring that he went down instead of up...